Need Advice: Stay or go?

[TWP]

You just need to ask yourself which decision will make you happy.

Will you be happy at the regionals, where you will probably not see her very often if at all?

Will you be happy at a less exciting job that allows you to come home to her everyday?

 

[staledog]

Wow, looks like she's putting you on the spot. Choose her or the flying job. Sorry to hear that, because I believe IMHO that in a relationship, you support one another in their likes, interests, and dreams. You don't squash them, and say "no" you can't do it. I'm not in your shoes, so only you can decide what's best for you.

As an example, I ride motorcycles, and thank goodness, my wife likes them too. Dangerous, yes, but so is flying, driving, climbing, etc. Every time I talk to someone, who shows an interest in motorcycles, but then says "my wife or girlfriend won't let me ride", I shake my head in disbelief. Yeah, I'm not in their relationship, but for me, I'm not going to let anybody tell me what I cannot do, even my significant other. If she wants to go skydive, I'll say "hell yes, go for it", although you won't ever find me doing that! It's called "living life to the fullest".

As a side note, what about transitioning as an internal FAA person to the flight check position? I've applied to the position before, but being a non-veteran, leaves me pretty much out of luck there. I'm assuming that you would have a shot as an internal employee. I recall seeing the position posted for internals recently too.

One other thing about flying at least on the airline side, timing and seniority IS everything.

Good luck with your decision!

Plenty of good responses here, but this one might be my favorite.

Also, some of the posters who said "take your time, see how things work out" make a good point too.

You say "she MIGHT be the one"...well, I don't know about planning your life around a woman, especially one giving you ultamatums, (sp), but at least you've got a steady well paying job in the meantime. So what if you don't really like your job now, neither do 97% of the people in the work force. Maybe stick it out a little while longer, in a year or two you'll know for sure if you can stand living the rest of your life in a cubicle. You'll also know by then if you want to live the rest of your life with this woman. And when you get to that point, you won't have to come here and ask us what you should do. You'll just KNOW.

Then again the world could blow up in 2012 and none of this would really matter.

 

[GlenA]

The ultimatum is never a good thing. It's good she's being honest with you, but using that kind of force to make a point is a bad sign in my opinion. It will just show up again and again for other decisions in the relationship..believe me, I know that first hand. Do what will make you happy. You don't want to be on your deathbed years from now wondering "could I have? I should have..." If what you want truly with NO RESERVATIONS is to be with this girl over being an airline pilot then do it. If what you want is to be an airline pilot, then do it whole heartedly. Building your life around another person is usually not the greatest thing to do. Neither is building it around money. Be Happy.

 

[staledog]

The ultimatum is never a good thing. It's good she's being honest with you, but using that kind of force to make a point is a bad sign in my opinion. It will just show up again and again for other decisions in the relationship..believe me, I know that first hand. Do what will make you happy. You don't want to be on your deathbed years from now wondering "could I have? I should have..." If what you want truly with NO RESERVATIONS is to be with this girl over being an airline pilot then do it. If what you want is to be an airline pilot, then do it whole heartedly. Building your life around another person is usually not the greatest thing to do. Neither is building it around money. Be Happy.

So true. The problem is, you could follow your airline dream, lose the girl, and still be wondering years later, "Did I do the right thing?"

Maybe you follow your dream to the airlines and you find out it's nothing like you thought it would be. Maybe you get sick of it in a year. Maybe it would be great, but things rarely turn out the same as what you picture it will be like beforehand.

Maybe you stay with the girl for now, but end up getting divorced in 7 years and then wish you would have taken the airline job in 2011. Maybe you stay with her and live happily ever after.

There's really no way to know what the "right thing" is.

Like Christopher Walken said in the movie Wedding Crashers, "we never really know what the right decision is. We just make the best decision we can at the time with the information we've been given." At least I think that's how the quote went.

Or, you could walk out your front door in 5 minutes and get struck be lightening. It's all a gamble.

Good luck

 

[clipperstall]

Let me add some more background information to add some pieces to the already complicated puzzle.

She didn't have to choose me over her dream medical school because luckily for me, she was waitlisted at her top choices. This made OU a no-brainer decision. When I asked her "If you would have gotten into your dream medical school in another state, would you still have chosen OU because of me?" She told me that she didn't know and couldn't put herself in that situation- but she did tell me she would have been devestated if that decision had become reality.

To add a little more credence to the 'ultimatum' argument... I was very honest with her and told her that I couldn't do another four years of long distance if she did choose another school outside of the state. (She was applying to places like Yale, Harvard, Hopkins, and other places that weren't even close to OKC). In that regards, I do understand her reason for giving me the same kind of ultimatum by saying that if I go to the airlines, she doesn't want to do long distance anymore. An eye for an eye I suppose.

Yes, I will wonder if I made the right decision considering hindsight is 20/20. I didn't want to give even more information, but I have no choice. For those on JC stating to get a part91/135 flying job on the side- that would be COMPLETELY ideal. The issue is, I graduated from OU and the university now has a bridge program with Pinnacle Airlines to be a direct hire. Seeing as I qualify for the program, Pinnacle will waive all the minimum hourly requirements. This literally might be my ONLY shot to get the airlines with my hours (300TT/30ME). The full time job makes it difficult to have any 2nd job where I could build time, and the few flight schools around here want daytime availability which I am unable to offer.

I know there has been much debate about the direct hire program, and I don't want this forum to go down that path. I know plenty of guys that have gone through the training with similiar hours and are now successful line pilots with no issues. Let's assume this would be the case for me as well.

Now that the full story is completely out, I have been leaning towards staying put simply because of the regional pilots who tell me that the QOL is very bad at the regionals with no light at the end of the tunnel. Well this may be true, but my anticipation is that with the perfect storm of age 65 retirees and the new 1500 hour+ATP minimums for the regionals, things have the ability to rapidly improve- but that's just speculation that will probably be offset by rising oil prices.

I still don't know what to do, but I used to think that flying would make me happy. Now it's really a burning desire mixed with a heavy curiosity to know whether the grass is greener at the airlines. People are important and so is family. Being so young, I am trying to think 10 years down the road rather than in the present. We typically don't make our best life decisions in the moment. My thought is that a family will become important once I'm married and once I begin thinking/having kids.

Any married/with kids regional pilots care to chime in? Did your priorities change once you had a family? Did it remove the luster of the airlines once you were forced to be a provider?

I hope this muddies the water a bit more. Thanks again everyone on JC!

clipperstall

P.S. Thanks for the woman's POV elationaviation! I'm glad you chimed in as a third party female perspective is critically important.

 

[Flygirl62]

Woah, if she's laying down an ultimatum like that, she may not be the one. You're also setting yourself up for a lifetime of making sacrifices for her career---and anything else she wants, since she makes more money than you do---because she knows that you'll cave when she orders it. And pretty soon, you'll get used to that lifestyle supported by her career, and then you'll be totally stuck. What if she says that she doesn't want her money going toward the purchase of an airplane? Or even renting one more than a few hours a month? What then? You're setting a pattern that will haunt you as you get older, if you marry her under these circumstances.

Decide whether this is right for you or not, and don't base it too much on how she feels about the decision. Do you think she'd change her career for you? Heck, no!

 

[Boris Badenov]

You're welcome. The only payment I require is your bright, high-earning, and hopefully hot girlfriend's number after she dumps you because you because you ran off to join the freak show and press buttons for $25k/year. Seriouly, dude, rethink this. Keep rethinking it until you stop concluding that operating an aviation appliance will make you "happy". I've met a lot of pilots over the years, and I've yet to meet ONE who is "happy" because they fly an airplane every day. In most of the happy cases, it seems to be in spite of the fact that they fly an airplane every day.

 

[dtpilot]

With some new logs in the fire, here is some additional food for thought.

In your situation with the bridge to Pinnacle, you have a golden ticket to the airlines! Do consider this carefully, as the days of low time hiring are pretty much gone. Yes, pay and QOL will suck big time at the regionals, but at least you are young and single with no debt and responsibilities other than your significant other. And kudos for having the foresight to plan ahead at your young age! Priorities do change with time, but IMHO you are able to take the huge sacrifices right now to set you up for long term success. I do believe there is the perfect storm brewing with the age 65 retirements, and you would be in position to hit it right and make the move to the majors.

I know plenty of pilots who are happy and love their job. They are at SWA, FedEx, VA, US Airways, and formerly at UA and AA. I also know a lot of pilots who are not happy and struggling to find it. They were at corporate jobs, Mesa, DHL, Aloha, ATA, XO Jet, Colgan, and American Eagle. The difference between the two: some luck and a whole lot of timing. I hope you can find a way to make things work out with the girlfriend, but it sounds like you are peeking over the fence all the time, so now it's time to cross over and see for yourself if it's worth it. IMHO it is.

 

[drunkenbeagle]

You're welcome. The only payment I require is your bright, high-earning, and hopefully hot girlfriend's number after she dumps you because you because you ran off to join the freak show and press buttons for $25k/year. Seriouly, dude, rethink this. Keep rethinking it until you stop concluding that operating an aviation appliance will make you "happy". I've met a lot of pilots over the years, and I've yet to meet ONE who is "happy" because they fly an airplane every day. In most of the happy cases, it seems to be in spite of the fact that they fly an airplane every day.

The only thing I can add to what Boris is saying - I like flying too much to do it for an airline. It would cease to be fun for me then. It would get in the way of other things I like far too often.

There is plenty of flying you can do on the side - feel free to PM me if you want any advice. But trust me, even that turns into a job, and you will burn out from it.


An aviation appliance ain't going to make you happy. Most of the enjoyment I get is from the place I am flying to (on my days off), or talking to my friends (once the hangar doors are closed for the day).

 

[MikeD]

In your situation with the bridge to Pinnacle, you have a golden ticket to the airlines!

Yes, pay and QOL will suck big time at the regionals,

Some golden ticket that is.......

 

[BillErvin]

Some golden ticket that is.......

Understatement of the year.......

 

[Crockrocket94]

Id like to say that aviation may have been the downfall of one of my relationships, but that just wouldnt be true. I think that was a sinking ship before I started the whole career.

Id say screw the airlines and focus on family. To each their own my friend.

Is it worth it to you to lose your woman and fly a plane? Is it worth it to YOU to keep your woman and maybe not fly a plane?

I wonder if other careers have these arguments....

 

[derg]

Id like to say that aviation may have been the downfall of one of my relationships, but that just wouldnt be true. I think that was a sinking ship before I started the whole career.

Id say screw the airlines and focus on family. To each their own my friend.

Is it worth it to you to lose your woman and fly a plane? Is it worth it to YOU to keep your woman and maybe not fly a plane?

I wonder if other careers have these arguments....

I'm not sure if aviation really can unilaterally wreck a marriage.

It can sure give one teetering on the precipice a nice firm shove!

 

[ElationAviation]

P.S. Thanks for the woman's POV elationaviation! I'm glad you chimed in as a third party female perspective is critically important.

No worries, sir. Just wanted to say I know exactly what you're going through. Lots of great opinions/choices/scenarios here from folks. Just wish they'd understand that she made a sacrifice for you, too (so I seem to be reading).

Best of luck in whatever you choose to do.

 

[pitchandroll]

STAY!!!

Life is about the people you share it with. If you didn't have a great, stable job, with good pay and benefits, I would say go to the regionals.

She is not being selfish by giving you an ultimatum. She is just being realistic. Very few girls want to be with a guy that is gone all the time and on top of it makes barely enough to eat. I'm not saying there aren't people out there that don't make it work, I'm just saying you have a great career and you can find local flying jobs in the near future while you build time.

You can fly any GA plane you want when and where you want to build time. Meanwhile, look for local charter/corporate/freight gigs.

Flying an RJ will be fun for a bit, but it is not worth giving up your current quality of life and relationship with possibly "the one". Continue to build time and if in a few years you and the girl split, you can look into the regional environment; they are always hiring every few+ years.

 

[JEP]

The lady and I talked about it over the weekend. Long story short, she basically said she would leave me if I went to the airlines. She told me she didn't want that lifestyle as a future wife and that the career sucks (after me sending her every resource imaginable such as "The Truth About The Profession"). She said I would be going to the airlines for selfish reasons and that it would benefit no one but possibly myself. OUCH! The truth hurts.

I talked to a pilot friend of mine the other day and he said to take a sabbatical from the government job and go fly for a year to see how it is. He said it's not a job, it's a lifestyle. He also told me it's a lonely job living out of a suitcase in hotels. That's the stuff I want to hear about that I am not seeing or thinking about from you guys on JC.

It sounds to me like the lifestyle sucks but the flying is fun. I'm not sure I want that kind of lifestyle.

With the 1500 hour rule probably going into effect in 2013 and the 65 age limitation causing retirees, now might be a good time if ever. But is it worth it? No risk no reward?

Don't know you or your friend, but in general the bolded speaks volumes... good luck either way you go.

 

[MikeD]

Women/men are a dime a dozen. Since she is a "future wife" and not yet a wife, you have no committment to be given ultimatums.....unless you place it on yourself. DO what will make YOU happy, not what will make someone else happy. You don't live your life for them........yet.

 

[ElationAviation]

Women/men are a dime a dozen. Since she is a "future wife" and not yet a wife, you have no committment to be given ultimatums.....unless you place it on yourself. DO what will make YOU happy, not what will make someone else happy. You don't live your life for them........yet.

They've been together for quite some time. Besides... sometimes marriage equals nothing more than a legal document. Please take into consideration the fact that she gave up the chance to go to a big time med school just to be near him. I've made sacrifices like that as well. Do I regret it? Hell no.
It boils down to your relationship with each other. How much rope can each of you pull before it breaks? There are people here who are giving you excellent advice and I'll be the first to say that most of it is probably biased (I know mine is). Yes, I fly. Would I sacrifice my relationship for aviation? No. But that's my choice/decision/etc.. Someone here who isn't in a relationship would probably say go for the career switch.
The best part is you're getting a ton of PoVs on the subject. That's what it's all about.

 

[MikeD]

They've been together for quite some time. Besides... sometimes marriage equals nothing more than a legal document. Please take into consideration the fact that she gave up the chance to go to a big time med school just to be near him. I've made sacrifices like that as well. Do I regret it? Hell no.
It boils down to your relationship with each other. How much rope can each of you pull before it breaks? There are people here who are giving you excellent advice and I'll be the first to say that most of it is probably biased (I know mine is). Yes, I fly. Would I sacrifice my relationship for aviation? No. But that's my choice/decision/etc.. Someone here who isn't in a relationship would probably say go for the career switch.
The best part is you're getting a ton of PoVs on the subject. That's what it's all about.

Still, try it out. Ulmatiums aren't fair, for anyone. She's worried about you not being home every night? Sometimes, thats life. Again, and as Ive said before, try being a military spouse who doesn't see their spouse for over a year at a time sometimes. Only being able to visit when non-rev'ing home is a treat compared to that. Every job entry-level will have some sacrifices, again thats life.

IF you don't try, you'll always wonder. And that wonder just may breed resentment. And that resentment will be taken out on her. Is that fair for either of you?

 

[Realms09]

Listen to Boris and Drukenbeagle. Don't back down from challenges or be afraid to do something bold, but think very carefully if a regional airline is the proper target for your life's ambition. It's a worthy occupation and I respect the people who do it, but the regional airlines cannot afford to share my sentiment. If you do not take the airline job, be sure to establish with your lady that aviation is still a part of who you are. You will end up spending a significant amount of money and time at the airport. Make sure she gets that.