If your kid was a bum...

[OneNineHundy]

I feel sorry for kids that "don't know what to do when they grow up". I used to hate school. Apart from sports, and play lunch. The only reason I worked hard was because I knew exactly what I wanted to do, be a pilot.

It's amazing what you can achieve when you are passionate about something. God knows I'm one of the bluntest tools in the shed but by hard work and determination I reached my end goal at an early age.

The key to being successful in life is finding something that makes you want to wake up in the morning and kick ass. Going to school and doing something you hate will ultimately lead to failure without that end goal.

Sent from my SM-N920I using Tapatalk

 

[SKYROCK]

Depression. I can identify with showing up to work and getting harshly criticized for doing something wrong and then quitting. I worked for a contractor some time ago. I stopped to pet a dog on the jobsite and got yelled at. When people become depressed, they become very sensitive to criticism, no matter how well intentioned it may be. Its most hurtful to give 110% and still get humiliated for not doing something right. Sadly, the mental health industry loads up a diagnosis to prescribe toxic drugs. This is no answer. Treatment exacerbates the recovery process from situational depression. A menial job with a scornful employer can become a grief process (punishment).

 

[Maximilian_Jenius]

Look, my kids are always welcome free in my house until I die. That doesn't mean I won't give them immeasurable grief for being a deadbeat if they abuse it, but they're always welcome, with no stipulations, for as long as I live. That's what being a parent is all about, the world is different. They may have the best intentions on earth and not be able to find a job, not be able to afford college, or may not feel right doing the military - regardless of where their minds are at and where they are in life, as long as I've got a home for them, my kids are welcome, rent free.

I wasn't saying that you were wrong, it was you actually that made that statement towards @F9DXER. You're free to raise your kids and do with them as you please. Was just offering my perspective, which kind of echoed @F9DXER.

 

[F9DXER]

Don't worry my kids thought I was dick when they were growing up. I told all my kids when they left home that they are going to find and see things in this world that will run counter to what your learned at home (values and beliefs). That doesn't make me wrong or them right. They have to decide what values and beliefs they want. I will always respect the choices they make, I don't have to agree or like it but they are now adults and I will respect that. If they ask my opinion I will give it to them. If they fall on hard times I will do what I can but I am not the revolving door or a doormat that they preceived while growing up.

By the way, all 3 have graduated college and one earned her Masters, 2 are working. The third one is finishing up a Masters degree in Germany and has job prospects lined up. They have never been arrested, no unplanned babies and they stayed off of youtube. So I think I raised them quite well, even if I was a dick per se.

 

[CFI A&P]

First off, does your sister have depression or any other health issues?

If not, then you need to figure out what would jump start her drive. Sometimes that's all it takes, establish a goal and create the plan. Be a doctor, teacher, uber driver, whatever.....

Also, she's 19 and single - where is a photo? Surely a member here maybe interested in her.

 

[chrisreedrules]

I had a job starting at 14 and it was everything my parents could do to keep me interested in school and work less. My whole life I've always had at least 2 jobs at any given time. I have 2 now but also manage other sources of income as well and I'd probably have a 3rd job but my wife might leave me. So I can't really relate to your sisters problem in every way. I've worked jobs from washing dishes, construction, working in a production facility, and a whole lot of others. Even if the job sucked or my boss sucked I always had an end goal in mind so it didn't really matter to me. Everything was a means to an end. It sounds to me like your sister is just clueless about what her end goal is or should be. When I was 19 my mind was focused on making money, chasing girls, and hanging out with my best dudes. That was all that mattered. So maybe she really does just need some help figuring it out.

 

[mshunter]

Kick her ass out, give her some time to get it together. Provide her with the tools and hope for the best.

 

[splash]

Some of these tough love comments come close to supporting the idea of prostitution. I imagine there are some old school beiefs and values here in the thread. No problem at all. I just want to throw this out there and say the world has changed over the years, values and beliefs change accordingly to understanding these changes. Look, every new generation ends up paying for the previous generations mistakes. Those mistakes are not changed until usually the following 3rd generation. What IS changing rapidly is technology and those old values and beliefs don't fit in the formula of what was. Sometimes it takes an open mind to get updated in this world of change.

Aviation, the field is changing. I remember a time where pipeline patrol was an option after a commercial certificate was obtained. This is one aviation opportunity less in the field due to the technology advancements of drones. If it is not there then it is coming to a theater near you. This is the same with the fall of seaplane pilots in the oil feild due to technology advancements in the 1980's. My point is...It matters what we chose to do in life, either chase the dollars unhappily or do what makes us happy what our hearts are into and hope the food, the shelter, and the clothes are not deprived. I hope the days of sleeping in my car at an airport is over for myself but when I look back I can definitely say it was worth going underwater as I held my breath to come up on the otherside of that tidal wave. I was very afraid of missing an opportunity doing what my heart is in and i wasn't taking a risk by flipping burgers being in the wrong place at the wrong time (been there done that and kicked myself in the ass for it already). I lost material and loved ones over it as well. In reality, I found out who they really were too (of no support). It took effort to be this bum. I gots the degrees and much edumacations (please don't judge by my writting...English was worse subject).

We have to throw these new problems out on the table to solve them with new updated formulas. The old ones don't solve them. Believe it something in this reality, believe there is something out there for her. Don't judge.

 

[gotWXdagain]

Kick her ass out, give her some time to get it together. Provide her with the tools and hope for the best.

And if it's undiagnosed depression she is suffering from, your hopes will probably end relatively quickly in a body bag.

 

[Maximilian_Jenius]

And if it's undiagnosed depression she is suffering from, your hopes will probably end relatively quickly in a body bag.

And your point? This might make sound like an ass clown, but those with mental illness are VERY adept at manipulation. I see it everyday at work, with patient with severe entitlement complexes, brought about by their parents enabling them. And as a direct result these kids and adults are mentally unfit to maintain a job, for any length of time. And unable to function in society. So much so that they're labeled Persistently and acutely disabled. Spoiling your kids is abuse, it's neglect.

We have a 28 yr old in here who threatens suicide, and cuts himself every time the dad wants him to grow up. Just this weekend during visitation his mom was cradling him in her lap, singing to him and rocking him to sleep. And feeding him. When mom isn't around he is able to feed himself, and bathe himself. When she's here he regresses, this a learned behavior, created by his mother. An example of a personality disorder. He's very demanding, arrogant and entitled toward staff, thinks we're here to serve his needs. When he doesn't get his way he threatens to self harm. Or fakes a seizure for attention, or worse calls his mommy and cries and tattles to her about the mean things that we do to him. Like giving him limitations and consequences for his actions.

The pathology of his behavioral related mental illness, started first when diagnosed as having ADHD as a child and later bipolar as a teen. And his mom coddling him as a result of those early diagnosis. His mother ruined him!

 

[flyeagle111]

Max, do you believe most of these cases are environmental? Just curious what your thoughts are.

 

[splash]

SQUOTE="flyeagle111, post: 2559709, member: 5806"]Max, do you believe most of these cases are environmental? Just curious what your thoughts are.[/QUOTE]

sorry, im not max but yes they are. there two extremes and max gives example of one. the other extreme is to be a hard ass about the problem which i feel will keep her in the rebellious state or worse (drug abuse, alcohol abuse, prostitution...the easy money living) I seen it happen.

Max, your boy you write about needs to watch pink floid the wall over and over. mother do you think....

 

[Maximilian_Jenius]

Max, do you believe most of these cases are environmental? Just curious what your thoughts are.

Admittedly my example was a bit extreme, but truthful. At my jobs, I only deal with the extreme cases. But my main point to @gotWXdagain was that bending to the will of another for fear of them harming themselves IMO is a very dangerous precedent. It's emotional blackmail, and it shouldn't be tolerated. And if a pattern is established as was presenting in my extreme example, it's neglect. While I'll admit that I'm not a parent, those with mental illness are either neglected, enabled or abandoned by loved ones. And as a result are superior manipulators. And when they come to my facility what they most respond to is setting limits, being firm and clear and redirection. Naturally they claim not to like it, and they fight us tooth and nail in the beginning because they're not at all used to it. But it is natural and part of our nature as human beings to crave order, structure, consequences and setting firm limits.

Is the extreme example listed environmental? Totally. The mother sought to protect her son from his disease and the world, thus enabling him and making him weak which contributed to his extreme dependency and acting out behavior. The bipolar and related depressive features of his illness were biochemical in nature and possibly hereditary. The maladaptive behavior, was all a learned behavior, that now is probably ingrained.

 

[Maximilian_Jenius]

SQUOTE="flyeagle111, post: 2559709, member: 5806"]Max, do you believe most of these cases are environmental? Just curious what your thoughts are.

sorry, im not max but yes they are. there two extremes and max gives example of one. the other extreme is to be a hard ass about the problem which i feel will keep her in the rebellious state or worse (drug abuse, alcohol abuse, prostitution...the easy money living) I seen it happen.

Max, your boy you write about needs to watch pink floid the wall over and over. mother do you think....

I'll share a personal example, related to this story. When I was in eighteen in 1994, after graduating high school at 17. I didn't want to go to college, or work. I just wanted to sleep in and stay up late, party and have fun. My mom had bought me a new car to get back and forth from work and school. She eventually got sick of me sitting around on my ass and verbally kicked it. Taking away my car, until I proved that I warranted getting it back. And telling me that I was a man and not a child, and that she had raised me to be a man and be responsible. And that if I didn't want to be the man that she raised. That I can be whatever I wanted to be outside of her house. Point blank, period.

She gave me a deadline to make up my mind. Work or school, or both. That was the only way that I could live at home after the age of eighteen. Furthermore having taken the keys to my car and refusing to pay my car insurance that meant that I had to take the bus to find a job and get around. That might seem like OMG, oh noooos you had to take the bus. But it sucked not having the ability to come and go as I pleased, and being on someone else schedule. The city bus. It also meant that most of my friends who weren't so lucky as to have their parents be able buy them a new a new car, could no longer rely on me for transportation. And I then had no way to get from the suburbs, to all the parties downtown and at the university. Punishment unlocked, and lesson achieved.Yeah I was pissed that my mother climbed all up in my ass, and no longer accepted my excuses. But she knew that I would never grow as a man, as a person if limits and consequences weren't set. If the safety net that always caught me in my youth, was still in place. She did her job, she was a parent, first. Not my friend, and being Black I know and expect that if I ever threatened her with self harm, if she didn't capitulate with furthering my laziness. I would at least have expected her to go five fingers across my eyes. I'll be forty this year, so I know that, that's not socially acceptable today especially with millennials. But it was in my day and time, and I'm thankful. My mother is like 5'5". When I was in high school and was taller than her and grabbed the belt from her hand mid swing, my freshmen year, she let it be clear right then and there that just because I was now taller and stronger than her, and she a women. That she would still not hesitate to kick my ass.

I love my mother.