Having children?

lilrkt

lilrkt

New Member
My wife was very much put at ease after reading the section about significant others. The only question we have is how will kids fair if I am going to be gone for days. I am 22 now and still on the ledge of deciding to go back to college and devote my life to flying, but I know we want to have kids after we are both established in our career. Does anyone have any experience with this?
 
I think it is a choice, Have kids, Fly for a living. Yes it can be done. But with the divorce rate as high as it is with Prof Pilots I'd give it some thought. If you are looking at kids when your 30 ( a much better age if one must reproduce) then I suspect it will be much easier on you you will have some seniority, some better pay and skeds..

My .02, but then again I have never figured out why people 'need' kids. so my opinion is def jaded...
 
Hello lilrkt, my humble opinion: children are a wonderful gift. However, PLAN ahead and establish yourself in aviation, and wait till you 2 are ready for the added joy and responsibility. Also, the marriage can survive the statistics. It can grow strong if both of you AGREE and set the goal of not giving up on it. It will make life easier as a man and an aviator. Bottom line: it is possible and do-able. Best wishes to you both.

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lilrkt

When my wife and I were discussing my possible return to a flying career, family life was a MAJOR concern (we have 2 girls... 1 1/2 years and 3 1/2 years old.)

We basically came to this conclussion... our kids go to bed at 8:00. I get home from the office on average around 5:30 Mon - Thurs so I get to see the kids 2 1/2 hours per night; I get home Fridays around 6:30... 1 1/2 hours with the kids; and work until 12:30 every other Saturday. My time with the kids during the week involves supper, bath, and getting ready for bed so, althought this time is priceless, I really have very limitted time with the kids under my current schedule. And, with me working every other Saturday, we are very limitted on what we can actually do on weekends.

We came to the conclusion that we probably would have actually more time and better quality time if I were gone for a few days at a time and then home for a few days in a row, especially later when I had gotten past the entry level positions and built some seniority. We figure it will take some major short term sacrifices to achieve an overall longterm gain.

We also realize going in that it will probably take some real dedication and work at times on our part to make sure that our marriage/family life holds together. I have heard some younger people say that if marriage is "work", you must be married to the wrong person. My wife and I beleive the exact opposite. No two people ever totally agree 100% of the time. And, it is very easy to start taking your spouse for granted. We have tried to make each other a promise that if one of us should start to feel "taken for granted" or, for lack of a better word, "neglected" we will let the other one know IMMEDIATELY.

Granted, the real test for us begins August 6 when I report to training. But, for now this is our "theory" and thoughts leading up to our decision for me to go back to being a pilot for a living. I wish you all the luck in the world both in your decision and with you career. Keep your wife involved in the decision making. And most of all, try to never forget that trust and a marriage can be very fragile things that must at times be nurtured and protected.

Be well and fly safe
Eas
 
eas, you put that very well.

Not to argue, But I disagree re working on being married.: Pam and I have been married 8 years (next month) and have yet to argue. not once. and we often chuckle because being married has been very very easy and no *work*.

we attribute that to two things. one getting married when we were 30+ and always always communicating.

[ July 18, 2001: Message edited by: Eagle ]
 
Hmm...these are some good things to think about. Thank you for the responses so far. Just another note...we are not quite married yet, we actually are getting married Aug. 18th, but have been living togeather for over a year now. We are doing very well for our age (i.e. house, cars, boats...) but I do have that same problem. I work 50 miles from where I live currently and do not get home until around 6:30 most nights. I am definately going to take that thought into consideration.
 
lilrkt

Congrats on your upcoming marriage! Like Eagle, I did not get married right away. I enjoyed being single while I was young but would not want to go back. Marriage has been great.

lilrkt & Eagle

I by no means meant to imply that marriage HAD to be work. However, the opportunity for the occassioinal disagreement is definitely there and if you aren't willing to work through the differences, you are doomed. Eagle, you indeed sound fortunate in you marriage. While I am VERY happily married, I cannot say that my wife and I have not occasionally disagreed and even discussed the issue heatedly. However, don't forget making up can be fun too!
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Be well and fly safe
Eas
 
to all,

you know, to a certain degree everyone has control of their own destiny. we all make choices in life, for better or for worse. we as men chose our profession, the same as wheather we chose to be married and have children. please accept whatever decision you make.

eagle, as far as having children, from what i gather you have none. don't rank on it if you don't. this is a gift from the grand architect of the universe to reproduce...to share a common bond with your love one for eternity. WE ALL do things we don't 'need' like, smoking, drinking, gambling, or throwing away $$$, but to say we don't need children is totally out of line. how about it if "YOU don't want children". would be more appropriate.

good luck to all in your future.
 
What about the wife going into labor? Anyone have a story on what that's like? What happens if your on the road? Can you call in a family emergency day and nonrev it home and hope to be in time? Just wonderin... thanks for any info.
 
<blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

this is a gift from the grand architect of the universe to reproduce...to share a common bond with your love one for eternity. ...WE ALL do things we don't 'need' like, smoking, drinking, gambling, or throwing away $$$, but to say we don't need children is totally out of line. how about it if "YOU don't want children". would be more appropriate.

<hr></blockquote>

No I have no children. And I disagree on many of your points. Just keep in mind that having a child is a choice. A personal choice that affecting disinterested peoples both positively and negatively. Children do not equal family. Family equals Family.

My point was and remains:

&lt;I&gt;Choosing to have a child is not a prerequisite for happy family or marriage, and in my never humble opinion should not be the determining factor in the happiness or success of a marriage. &lt;/I&gt;
 
I would have to agree with you. Although we fully intend on having children down the road, I would never try to make someone think that they should. Having children ia huge responsibility. One that many people who have children do not realize and therefore we end up with a lot of bad parents and delinquent children. Coming from a family where my parents were divorced when I was three years old, I take this very seriously.
 
avi8ter: reading Eagle's post prior to yours - I'm not sure how you interpreted his comment as him "ranking" on couples having children. In fact, Eagle makes a good point in that: Having children is NOT necessary to have a happy family. Being happy PRIOR to having children, however.....

How many times do you see couples who are miserable together, get pregnant and say "well, maybe the baby will bring us closer together" WRONG ANSWER!!

If you aren't a happy family (husband and wife) prior to children - chances are you're going to be even less of one after a baby's arrival. Why? When do you get to spend "quality time" together post-child birth? I've seen MANY unhappy couples get further apart after a child is born.

On the flip side - I've also seen many HAPPY couples gel even more after their first child is born. Having children is a blessing, no doubt, but it's going to amplfy why ever atmosphere already exists in the relationship.

Bottom line: If you want children, by all means have them. But, if you fall into the category of those who are "unsure" or who just do NOT want kids - PLEASE don't!!

After all, many couples are content with themelves and/or whatever pets they might have. To them (and to me and my wife right now until we decide we are ready) THAT is a family. Not a thing in the world wrong with that either.
 
My wife and I have two big dogs and they aren't the friendliest. Does that mean we're gonna be bad parents? Just kidding. Seriously, we love our dogs, but geez it can be a pain in the arse to go away for a weekend even. I guess I'm still to selfish to have kids. I still hope one day I'll change and have that desire, though.

<blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

Bottom line: If you want children, by all means have them. But, if you fall into the category of those who are "unsure" or who just do NOT want kids - PLEASE don't!!

<hr></blockquote>

DITTO.
 
I know some couples who shouldn't even have goldfish!!! Not that they're bad people, they are fantastic and some of the nicest I know, but they know they don't want kids and probably wouldn't make the best parents.
 
<blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr>

I'm still to selfish to have kids.

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Truth is, when one looks at the primary reasons most people have children it is more selfish than not. For example.

1. To fulfill my life.
2. Makes me a better person.
3. I would make a great mother/father
4. To carry on the family name.
5. Who will take care of me when I am old
6. children are fun to raise.

A good pal, who is a Capt for one of the commuters is expecting a kid, he nad his wife have the best reason….We just wanted to see what it would look like! hahahahahahah
 
Classic, Eagle!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/smile.gif

I think that is one of the scariest things for me when my wife and I do decide to have children......what will they look like??

GOD I hope they look like her!!! /ubbthreads/images/icons/laugh.gif
 
I'm with you R2F, our kids better look like her or it's not going to be pretty... HA! Really.
/ubbthreads/images/icons/shocked.gif

Good point Eagle. Or...
-I wouldn't want to have to pay for McDonalds 3-4 times.
-I still enjoy sex whenever and wherever with my wife. /ubbthreads/images/icons/cool.gif
-I like to not have to remember the diaper bag, baby wipes...hmm, that brings us to the next one
-I enjoy not having to wipe someone else.
-I enjoy the movies
-I like live music
I won't continue.

WHEN WILL IT STOP!!!!! AAAAAHHH!
 
We have 2 children. Boys-25months and 5months. Of course the 5 month old hasn't a clue where daddy is or if he is even here or not, but our 2 year old sure does. He use to cry and give me a rough time the first day that my husband was gone. Now he is better with it although he thinks that my husband lives somewhere else and calls where we live mommy's house. He will understand more as he gets older. If your wife is not going to work other than taking care of your kids, which IS work, when you have kids I will give you a piece of advice, since I stay at home with our boys, help her out and give her breaks when you are home, in between trips! It is necessary for her sanity, trust me!
 
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