I'm not slamming spirituality because a little spiritual thinking for everyone now and then is always a good thing regardless of the dogma of each person's individual belief system. But why is it that many times when folks have a moment of clarity regarding something very "human" such as ego they give the credit to a deity?
Now when it comes to pondering infinity or the meaning of life I can certainly understand why one would look to the metaphysical for guidance as I do that myself. But Firebird, you have just figured out some pretty basic psychology 101 about yourself. Having an outside onlooker, friend, shrink see it for you is easy, but figuring it out yourself is an accomplishment that YOU did. Not some omnipotent power in the sky. When amazing things happen, when we make self-breakthroughs it is quite okay to you pat ourselves on the back and add those answers to our personal cup of wisdom. The true power we all have is our inner self. And that power is far more potent then most could ever imagine. You used that true power and you came out better for it...Give yourself some credit there...If Jesus ever really existed, and was around today, from everything historical vs. religious that I have read about that individual, I believe he would tell you to do the same.
To truly become one with the universe, to understand Zen, or if you have more conventional spiritual beliefs, to become one with God, you must become one with yourself through your own efforts. And in turn be able to accept such an accomplishment as yours.
This is why I like you- you're smarter than me. I don't think I conveyed my point entirely or as clearly as what you have done here.
The book I've been reading is 'A New Earth' by Eckhart Tolle.
That's basically what it says. I've used parallels to my understanding of the Christian faith to explain it. It was the best message I could convey. He does so, and uses reference to Buddhism and Hinduism as well.
I do not know what to call my 'inner self' but I know that I have not until recently even knowingly acknowledged its existence. My ego has been a hard, brittle shell dividing me from the world. Only because of so many people around me paying it forward have I had even the slightest inkling of how to breach that shell and bring forth my truest self.
I chose to explain it as I did because I thought those references had more personally relevant significance. The book references Zen quite often.
Last night, I think that I experienced a
satori, which the book describes as a brief flash or glimpse of Enlightenment.
I have done the work, true. It has been excruciatingly difficult, but worth it. I have never really loved myself. I don't know exactly how or when, but somewhere along the way I was convinced that it wasn't worth it to me. I know better now. It's foolish to punish one's self like that.
Heinlein once wrote that most definitions of 'sin' are foolish, and that the only real sin lay in "hurting others unnecessarily." If 'sin' is traditionally interpreted as what separates man from God, then to hurt others- or your inner self, either directly, or by confusedly inviting others to do so.. is to separate yourself from what is right. Call it God, your Inner Self, to become Unenlightened, what have you... it's all the same.
My failing has been my inability to appropriately value myself. In doing so, I made it impossible to value others. In that, I have hurt others. They in turn hurt me. You retaliate, and it perpetuates until somebody gets hurt so bad they either die or demand it to stop.
They say a coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero only once- and this is the defining point of that statement. Though I am at times apt to do so, I am no hero. To act in my own interest because I refuse to hurt myself and others anymore through my unawareness.. merely balances things, if that.
I still have much to do.
Perhaps this is unwise to be so personal, but this helps to keep me honest. I have not understood what is right; I have been backwards. By putting this in public view, I know there are those here who would help me correct my mistakes.
That's why this place is so great- there are so many of us willing to help each other. It is very difficult for me to admit I need help at times. The extreme outpouring of help I have been offered has been very noteworthy.
I started this thread to recognize those who have 'paid it forward', some in much greater extent than I ever would have had the courage or strength to ask. I also started it to honor that gift by letting my honesty be a warning to others. I have lived like this until now because I was too scared to admit that I could not see what I was doing to myself.
I cannot pay back the kindness I have been shown. Those who have show me such great kindness would not allow me, anyhow, most likely. Perhaps by exposing the reasons for my need for such kindness, I too, can 'pay it forward'.
In the Christian Bible, in the Book of Kings, a story is told of a city under siege by a fearsome army. Outside the walls of the city are three men stricken with leprosy. So horrid a disease was leprosy at the time that they were actually 'unpeople'. Disavowed and cast aside, it was their duty to declare themselves unclean so that the healthy could avoid them.
For reason I cannot recall, one day the three approached the campsite of the invading army. It is said that God made the approaching lepers' steps thunder like that of an army so awesome and so frightening that the invaders ran in fear, leaving all their possessions unguarded.
The lepers proceeded to loot the camp. In the process, one of them was struck with a realization. "We do not well." In that realization, God took mercy on them and they were healed. Lepers no more, they were once again taken into their community, much humbled for their experiences.
This story is a parable for those who question why their lives seem stricken at times- why they seem to be unable to rise above certain weaknesses or are repeatedly met with the same failures.
When the Ego commands us to seek negativity, to lash out, to seek more in order to fill that which rots and dies inside us, we fail.
My recent experiences have been a turning point in my life. Perhaps through this I can make something useful out of this for myself. By taking better care of myself, perhaps I can live a better life.
