Sampling of the regional pilot archives: Today I went to work and the printer wouldn't print out the release and ops hadn't had a printer since the merger with DAL. The gate agent was working 5 other flights on that gate and the FO had a commute to catch so I had him go out to the airplane and get us ready. I knew an Aramark rampie that went to the JetStream side of the ramp, which is really American, and he would let me go in and use his printer. Thankfully I was in a hub, so I had a SIDA badge and there's no rules preventing me from going over there so there's no problem. The golfcart guy (catering cart) was nice enough to give me a lift to the other ramp, and she had no F's to give so while she went to smoke and wait for me I got on a backdoor program for NWA that allows the airlink guys to print from any printer if we have to. While I was there I printed off everyone's flights because they had a laser jet. My buddy at jetstream stole a few cokes from the cart as payment and I told him I owed him a six pack too, but in a few minutes I was back on my way to the other side of the ramp. When I came back the plane was loaded and the rampies weren't doing anything so I handed off the other 5 flights of paperwork to him and stepped on the plane with the stairs. The passengers all looked at me in that "I hate your airplane, I hate props, I can't believe this thing has props, am I gonna die? I've never been this close to a fat regional pilot with stains on his shirt, you look like the anti-pilot from a comedy sketch- wait... did you even shave today? There's no way this is safe." I told the pax "Hey folks had a paperwork issue but we'll be ready to go in about 5 minutes." As I jump in the cockpit I realize the MX can is gone and hop back out the airplane, flag the MX guy, and he runs over with my can. We realize about the same time, wrong can, he runs back over, realizes he hasn't finished and gives me the "one second" gesture with his finger. God I'll be so happy to be done with this 4 day. I've got 2 glorious days off then I'm back at it with a Columbia overnight and the bartender has been letting us behind the bar to mix our own drinks so that should be fun. Plus I think she thinks I'm a mainline pilot so maybe the flirting is for real and not just for the tips. The FA gives me a "WTF REALLY?" look and I giggle and give her the "Right?" shrug of my shoulders. MX brings me the can and I run up the stairs and hop in my seat. I haven't got the headset on yet when the stairs have been folded and I feel them rack into place in that little stair cubby we have, and the door makes that laborious "Weeeeeee" sound as it closes WAY too hard and handle slams into place. The FA must be back at work tomorrow and needs to get laundry done. Oh well, at least she lives in base like me, this poor sucker on my right still has to get home to colorado springs and he's already planning to bag out for his next four day to spend some time with his wife and kids. I drop the hammer on the brake to get the clock started and say, like I've said for 4 days, "Ok we are getting paid, all is well." The FO looks at the clock and says, "Wow, minute early after all that garbage! I pulled the TAMDAR CB in anticipation we'd have to make up our times." I reply "Eh, just slap that back in so we don't forget, the little bastard will still send the right time, it's powered off the batt bus if you can believe that." the FO laughs, "Yeah but if you don't put it in and do a complete shutdown it won't remember *click* but that's for another time, Breaker is in." We run through all the checklists off memory he never even picks up the paper, we're starting engines partway through the Preflight check and nailing down the taxi check as they yank the chocks. The good news, that was the only hiccup on the last day, when I got back I wrote up 3 things that broke on the way back but all the resets worked so they are info only. I can't wait to get drunk and naked with my girlfriend. Right before Tower calls us the FO says, "Bet you can't fly all the way to greenville and back with no auto!" I laugh and tell him "whatever non-fly, just get ready to tune talk and twist, I still got a little caffeine in me!" As tower switches us to departure the FO says, "Hey man, I appreciate you trying to get me back in time for the commute. I'm gonna run once they chock us. I wanted to make sure I said that before I punch out. This was a lot of fun man, I'll catch you for cards in the crew room next month between banks."
Mainline FO excerpts: Work was work, 24 hours in St. Lucia with an annoying captain but not that annoying. Gonna go look at trucks again, my 2018 is paid off with my bonus check and I'm trying to figure out if I can get that new 2020 Ford Hybrid AND the C8. I have no idea how to weld but I should learn. I've got 7 days off but that's ----ed up. I have to work 11 out of 30 days this month if you can believe it, instead of 10. These jackasses running the company are trying to kill me with all this work. I swear if they start screwing around with my schedule I'm gonna go back full guard to punish them until I get my captain seat. This job is so boring, I do nothing and it's nothing like flying fighters. Oh that reminds me, some young punk in the van completely fell asleep while I was telling war stories, can you believe it? Probably some ex-regional puke doesn't know how good he has it and shouldn't even be here
