Retired in SAN
Time to return to the saddle..
*From an airline Captain* with more than three decades in the
airline industry. *He says* "I never really understood how airline
ticket pricing worked until I read this analogy. Perhaps some of the
airline pilots and passengers on your mailing list might also
appreciate this."
*Customer*: Hi. How much is your paint?
*Clerk*: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
*Customer*: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
*Clerk*: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different
prices up to $200 a gallon.
*Customer*: What's the difference in the paint?
*Clerk*: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
*Customer*: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
*Clerk*: When do you intend to use the paint?
*Customer*: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
*Clerk*: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
*Customer*: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
*Clerk*: You would have to start very late at night in 21 days, or
about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before
Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
*Customer*: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
*Clerk*: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.
*Customer*: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
*Clerk*: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell
only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by
the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any
more $12 paint.
*Customer*: The price went up as we were talking?
*Clerk*: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times
a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with
your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase
your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?
*Customer*: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have
enough.
*Clerk*: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't
use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint
you already have. If you change any colors there is a $50.00 change
fee, even if it is the same brand. Also, no refunds.
*Customer*: WHAT?
*Clerk*: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall
and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the
bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.
*Customer*: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I
already paid you for it!
*Clerk*: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is
used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.
*Customer*: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if
I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!
*Clerk*: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the
$200 paint.
*Customer*: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $12 a
gallon", signs?
*Clerk*: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in
half-gallons. One $6 half-gallon will do half a room. The second
half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have
labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
*Customer*: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!
*Clerk*: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for
your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from
someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall
and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that
if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.
*Customer*: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
*Clerk*: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which
you started. A hallway is different.
*Customer*: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in
one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.
*Clerk*: Yes, and we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the
difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're
getting it now, sir.
*Customer*: You're insane!
*Clerk*: Thanks for painting with United!
airline industry. *He says* "I never really understood how airline
ticket pricing worked until I read this analogy. Perhaps some of the
airline pilots and passengers on your mailing list might also
appreciate this."
*Customer*: Hi. How much is your paint?
*Clerk*: Well, sir, that all depends on quite a lot of things.
*Customer*: Can you give me a guess? Is there an average price?
*Clerk*: Our lowest price is $12 a gallon, and we have 60 different
prices up to $200 a gallon.
*Customer*: What's the difference in the paint?
*Clerk*: Oh, there isn't any difference; it's all the same paint.
*Customer*: Well, then I'd like some of that $12 paint.
*Clerk*: When do you intend to use the paint?
*Customer*: I want to paint tomorrow. It's my day off.
*Clerk*: Sir, the paint for tomorrow is the $200 paint.
*Customer*: When would I have to paint to get the $12 paint?
*Clerk*: You would have to start very late at night in 21 days, or
about 3 weeks. But you will have to agree to start painting before
Friday of that week and continue painting until at least Sunday.
*Customer*: You've got to be *&%^#@* kidding!
*Clerk*: I'll check and see if we have any paint available.
*Customer*: You have shelves FULL of paint! I can see it!
*Clerk*: But it doesn't mean that we have paint available. We sell
only a certain number of gallons on any given weekend. Oh, and by
the way, the price per gallon just went to $16. We don't have any
more $12 paint.
*Customer*: The price went up as we were talking?
*Clerk*: Yes, sir. We change the prices and rules hundreds of times
a day, and since you haven't actually walked out of the store with
your paint yet, we just decided to change. I suggest you purchase
your paint as soon as possible. How many gallons do you want?
*Customer*: Well, maybe five gallons. Make that six, so I'll have
enough.
*Clerk*: Oh no, sir, you can't do that. If you buy paint and don't
use it, there are penalties and possible confiscation of the paint
you already have. If you change any colors there is a $50.00 change
fee, even if it is the same brand. Also, no refunds.
*Customer*: WHAT?
*Clerk*: We can sell enough paint to do your kitchen, bathroom, hall
and north bedroom, but if you stop painting before you do the
bedroom, you will lose your remaining gallons of paint.
*Customer*: What does it matter whether I use all the paint? I
already paid you for it!
*Clerk*: We make plans based upon the idea that all our paint is
used, every drop. If you don't, it causes us all sorts of problems.
*Customer*: This is crazy!! I suppose something terrible happens if
I don't keep painting until after Saturday night!
*Clerk*: Oh yes! Every gallon you bought automatically becomes the
$200 paint.
*Customer*: But what are all these, "Paint on sale from $12 a
gallon", signs?
*Clerk*: Well that's for our budget paint. It only comes in
half-gallons. One $6 half-gallon will do half a room. The second
half-gallon to complete the room is $20. None of the cans have
labels, some are empty and there are no refunds, even on the empty cans.
*Customer*: To hell with this! I'll buy what I need somewhere else!
*Clerk*: I don't think so, sir. You may be able to buy paint for
your bathroom and bedrooms, and your kitchen and dining room from
someone else, but you won't be able to paint your connecting hall
and stairway from anyone but us. And I should point out, sir, that
if you paint in only one direction, it will be $300 a gallon.
*Customer*: I thought your most expensive paint was $200!
*Clerk*: That's if you paint around the room to the point at which
you started. A hallway is different.
*Customer*: And if I buy $200 paint for the hall, but only paint in
one direction, you'll confiscate the remaining paint.
*Clerk*: Yes, and we'll charge you an extra use fee plus the
difference on your next gallon of paint. But I believe you're
getting it now, sir.
*Customer*: You're insane!
*Clerk*: Thanks for painting with United!
