The right time is never... right?

[BigZ]

My daughter is 6 months old now

Stock up on ammo and plant spiky bushes under the windows now
Mine's turning 5 this winter and I'm behind the curve.
Son is a ton of fun too, but in a different chase-squirrels-with-a-toy-baseball-bat kind of way

 

[JDean3204]

My wife has made far more sacrifices than I ever will just brining our daughter into the world, so she usually gets her way. I’m saving that bit about hostages for later. And congrats @JDean3204, take a deep breath and have fun. My daughter is 6 months old now and I don’t know what I did with my life before she came along. She’s just so much fun!

Thanks for that great reply! I'm a little worried about this being a regional FO and all, but my wife and I really wanted to start a family. Honestly, we would have started one a few years ago if I wasn't so worried about my career!

 

[A Life Aloft]

Thanks for that great reply! I'm a little worried about this being a regional FO and all, but my wife and I really wanted to start a family. Honestly, we would have started one a few years ago if I wasn't so worried about my career!

Trust me, once you hold your baby in your arms for the first time and whisper Happy Birthday into their ear, you will no longer have any doubts, worries or concerns over your decision to bring a child into your life. Congrats to both of you!!!

 

[Max Power]

I was flying on-demand charter for a complete sociopath/narcissist when my twin boys came along in 2011. It really made me re-think the flying job thing and after I got canned from that (long story) it was tempting not to pursue my career any further. After all, daycare is expensive and regionals weren't paying at all or taking anyone with a pulse, so getting hired was hard. And I wanted nothing to do with 135 anymore. My wife does OK and has excellent benefits, I could find something local and boring.

But I kept going and found myself at a regional again. To keep this story short, it's been a great decision. It's tough being away, that never gets easier. But Facetime and/or Skype help. My wife is a strong person, more so than I and I know it's hard on her, but it's hard for any single parent. But she has always supported me doing this, which is key. Plus, she enjoys when I leave so she can have the bed to herself. Hell, one reason my mother says her and my Dad have been married for 45 years is because he worked nights and she worked days for a majority of that time. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that.

We also have the huge benefit of family and friends being very close. If we didn't have that, it would have been MUCH harder when they were babies and would be a challenge now in 1st grade (getting them on bus, off bus,homework).

For me, the huge aspect of this job is time. Yes, commuting sucks and takes up time. Being gone sucks, especially when you miss important happenings and functions. BUT, when you're home, you're home. And thanks to the strangeness that is my current company and our PBS system, I can be home for a week. That's time to get stuff done and be daddy/husband 100%. And having weekdays off is great because most other people are working.

I set the parking brake and walk away from the plane with nothing else to worry about mostly except during recurrent time. I don't have to spend my evenings doing TPS reports or anything else that office workers do(I've never had a real office job, I don't know). We don't use my travel benefits much because it's really a challenge to do with 4 people, but that option is there as long as I stay in the airlines. It's not the same as when I was a kid and Pittsburgh was a hub and we went many places direct or one stop.

So yeah, there's never a good time to have kids. We wanted them, we wanted at least one and got two. And as hard as it is being a "pilot dad" I don't think I'd want it any other way. FWIW....

 

[Max Power]

They grew up believing that Santa made a special run for pilots because we had to help him on the 24/25th. When I could finally hold it off, they wanted me to pick up a trip because now they were only going to get one Christmas.
.

This. Is. Awesome. I am stealing this.

 

[Max Power]

Congrats!

There's nothing quite like the feeling when the nurse comes in and says "ok, it's time to go home."

What??? You're just sending me out there with this thing?? Isn't there some kind of manual?? Do you have a number I can call with questions??

Fun times lol

We read the books, watched YouTube and internet videos. All mostly went out the window, especially in the first 24-36 hours that the boys were home. And the sleep deprivation thing is totally ridiculous too. My first overnight after they were born involved a long first day with 7 hours of flying, a time zone change and 6500ft elevation. I slept for 15 hours.

 

[Dugie8]

Don’t blink. Before you know it they are in high school and making the Varsity team.

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[RetiredATLATC]

a child I feel will turn that upside down.

Yup, children are monsters. Wait until they're 16+

Maybe it's just the ex I hate.

 

[Cherokee_Cruiser]

while your post title is true, I'd caution you to think very carefully about starting a family while still on probation at your second regional after being let go from the first. JMHO.

I'm sorry I don't understand what this means? I thought the OP's original regional airline shut down, Seaport? But in any case, what is this about not having a baby during probation at an airline? I was hired in a Feb, prego in a May, and baby in January which all happened in the first 12 months of employment making $44/hr flying a Bus. No one said a word about it. In fact, the CP office sent me a bouquet of flowers to my home and I was given numerous options by HR in terms of handling time off.

I know that I have become the king of long and drawn out posts lately. I usually get great advice from guys and gals I respect very much here in the JC community. So with that, here is my next family concern...KIDS

A little background about myself and my wife. We have been together for almost 10 years now. When she was 18 and I was 20, she moved all the way from our hometown in Oregon to Virginia to be with me. She has been by my side through two lengthy military deployments, the civilian flight training process and now during my regional airline days. She never has complained to me about it, always being supportive and happy seeing me grow as a pilot and a person. Even during my first gig where I made a miserable 16K in 2015, she didn't complain. In fact, she has taken this opportunity to grow herself professionally. She doesn't have a degree or anything, but a good work ethic has gotten her a stable county job that pays around 35-40K with amazing health benefits. I have known for years that I want to have children with my wife, but we've been waiting for me to reach a point where it makes sense.

My wife gets more and more passionate about the topic of children. In the last year I have been more open to talking about it, and we were planning on trying this summer for our first child. I was going to be based at home, and we were very excited to finally build our family. However, I unfortunately lost that job and found myself starting over again at another airline. I am now on the very tail end of training, I will be commuting again but it shouldn't be for too long I hope. A few months at the most. So we have decided to wait until the beginning of the year to start trying. She was my backbone the last few months, and never pressured me with family or kids while I dusted myself off and got back on the horse so to speak. At the same time she comes from a culture where let's just say people have kids generally sooner versus later in life. I am a few months from 30 and she is now 28. I know we're not old by any means, but we really didn't plan on leaving it this long. Most of our friends from the military have multiple children together now, her younger sisters have children and so I don't blame her for the baby fever she is experiencing lately. To be honest I feel the same way, I really want to wait until I upgrade, but that is a few years away and then... what will be my next thought process? Wait until I'm at a major, then wait until I upgrade at said major. The time will never feel right. I feel very selfish for being so concentrated on my career, that her dreams of being a mother have had to wait to come to fruition. It has lately taken a toll on me, and I have even thought about quitting flying to get a more stable job that may not pay as well in the future, but will be a good job to be a family man....Then my wife knocks some sense back into me and tells me that she would feel responsible if I quit flying. That I have worked way too hard and am way too much of a nerd to not fly for a living

Obviously money is always a concern when having children. We have worked extremely hard to pay off debt together and now have only the normal debt. Car payments, rent and associated costs, which are quite high in Portland these days. The rising Cost of Living stresses me out, it has risen furiously in the last few years. Our credit card debt and my "supplemental living expense debt" have been paid off thanks to some good bonus money. For the first time in five years, we have savings, not very much but better than living paycheck to paycheck like we have been. So we finally feel somewhat financially stable, but a child I feel will turn that upside down. Since I will be mostly gone for work, she will have to cut back most of her hours and work part time. She plans on working enough to keep those awesome health benefits. Although my airline pays pretty well for industry standards, it is still regional FO pay. About 40-50K for the next few years. That will be tough to live on if my wife cannot work I am sure, so that is one thing racing through my mind. I have asked a few pilot friends about this, they all say the same thing. They tell me to wait until I make it to a major, but who am I kidding. I have faced the music, with my roadblocks and a few marks, I am not a tier 1 candidate by any means. So it will take time for me to reach that step. I still need thousands of hours and a 4 year degree. If I am lucky, in 7 years I may be there. That will put me at 37 and my wife 35. if I wait that long I may not have a wife anymore, she has made it very clear she has patiently waited for me to reset and start a new career. She knows that we would have had a few kids by now if that new GI Bill didn't come out in 2009 giving me a chance to afford civilian flight training.

The one concern I have being a pilot besides the financial aspect is about being a good father. Knowing that I will be gone more than at home scares me. I know my wife is very independent right now by her self, but will that change with kids? Will she resent me for going to work? Will my kids resent me for being gone, at times missing important milestones? I am grateful for having a good father growing up. He was my little league coach, he was at every wrestling tournament and always made sure I was doing well. My parents didn't make much money and never could have afforded to put me through state college let alone a college like ERAU or UND, and I knew that. They did raise me to dream big though, that is why I am where I am now. It may have taken me a while to get here, but I made it and my parents are more proud of me now than ever. That is because of them, and I want to raise my kids with that same mentality, to be as much as an influence on them as my folks have been on me. I know these are all issues that one has to tackle upon news of their first child, at that point there is no turning back and it's time to be a man or woman and be the best parent you can be. I just want to hear from someone that had kids in the early stages of their career and made it work. Hearing how they balanced it all out to be both successful as a pilot and a father/mother will be great to hear.

I hear ya, and the reality is there will never be that "perfect time" to have a child. Our first one was an accident and the second one was planned. The paragraph above explains the timeline of when that baby came during my probationary year at my current airline. The year he was born I turned 29 and she turned 25. With the second child we were 33/29. Even with an unplanned arrival several years ago, we still made it work. Like people above have said, you can have all the birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases, etc, they just might not actually fall on that exact same date. In the end it's what you make of it. Personally I think living in base is the best situation, but as I found out living in SFO with family over 1,800 miles away.... it isn't exactly a best case scenario either. Looking back, I'd rather have commuted while staying in the area we were where her family was close 10 minutes away. There is a LOT to say about having close family (hers or yours, preferably hers) when you have a baby. Sounds like you're from PDX and if that's where her family is, then IMO stay put. Life will work itself out, what I can say after reading your story is that it sounds like you have a real keeper on your hands. Someone who's been there for you, even in your lowest earning point of life, stuck with you and supported you, that's awesome! She wants kids, you want kids, but you just don't know if the timing is right. Every time you get hired, go through training, or upgrade, it's a fairly large cycle of time away from home at HQs getting checked out in your new position. Who knows when you'll get hired at a major? Or when you upgrade at a major? There will never be the "right time" so make the best of what you have and go with it.

 

[Cherokee_Cruiser]

If you want to have kids, have kids. If you don't want to have kids, don't have kids.

Holidays, weekends, birthdays, whatever are when you decide to throw them.

"Dads at work during your piano recital because piano lessons are expensive and you keep getting hungry up to three times per day"

LOL, up to three times per day? I wish!

 

[JDean3204]

I'm sorry I don't understand what this means? I thought the OP's original regional airline shut down, Seaport? But in any case, what is this about not having a baby during probation at an airline? I was hired in a Feb, prego in a May, and baby in January which all happened in the first 12 months of employment making $44/hr flying a Bus. No one said a word about it. In fact, the CP office sent me a bouquet of flowers to my home and I was given numerous options by HR in terms of handling time off.



I hear ya, and the reality is there will never be that "perfect time" to have a child. Our first one was an accident and the second one was planned. The paragraph above explains the timeline of when that baby came during my probationary year at my current airline. The year he was born I turned 29 and she turned 25. With the second child we were 33/29. Even with an unplanned arrival several years ago, we still made it work. Like people above have said, you can have all the birthdays, anniversaries, Christmases, etc, they just might not actually fall on that exact same date. In the end it's what you make of it. Personally I think living in base is the best situation, but as I found out living in SFO with family over 1,800 miles away.... it isn't exactly a best case scenario either. Looking back, I'd rather have commuted while staying in the area we were where her family was close 10 minutes away. There is a LOT to say about having close family (hers or yours, preferably hers) when you have a baby. Sounds like you're from PDX and if that's where her family is, then IMO stay put. Life will work itself out, what I can say after reading your story is that it sounds like you have a real keeper on your hands. Someone who's been there for you, even in your lowest earning point of life, stuck with you and supported you, that's awesome! She wants kids, you want kids, but you just don't know if the timing is right. Every time you get hired, go through training, or upgrade, it's a fairly large cycle of time away from home at HQs getting checked out in your new position. Who knows when you'll get hired at a major? Or when you upgrade at a major? There will never be the "right time" so make the best of what you have and go with it.

@Roger Roger was referring to my departure from the airline I worked for after SeaPort. I'm on my third airline now... :/
I think it was meant to be a word of caution as I'm new at QX. However, being home based now and the fact I will actually be off of probation by the time the baby arrives I'm not worried about it. I feel like my wife and I have put our life on hold for long enough now, it's time to make my family a priority as well as my career. Thanks for the advice, we are pretty excited. Had the first ultrasound last week, kinda weird looking, but pretty cool to see the little life starting to form!

 

[ozziecat35]

And then you begin to realize maybe your parents weren’t so crazy.

It's at about 1 year old you realize your parents were just making shiz up. You grew up thinking they were so smart / etc...then you have kids and understand that they were just trying to get through each day too.

@JDean3204 congrats man! Pro-tip, no one warns you about the smell during childbirth...be a man and keep your stomach.

 

[OneNineHundy]

Congrats mate very exciting times for you and your wife. I have a 5 month old boy (where does the time go) and he is just amazing. Everyone one will give you the horror stories of being a father but it is honestly the best thing I have ever done.

The key to being a pilot and away alot of the time is having an amazing woman. I am very lucky to have such a lovely lady. She is so patient I honestly have no idea how she does it. I am lucky she isn't going back to work so she can focus all her attention on the wee man.

It's tough being away some of the time but it makes me value my time at home so much more. Do as much as you can to help around the house as you can when you are home. My lady loves yoga so whenever I'm home I do daddy day care so she can have some time out for herself.

Just remember as a pilot when we are home we are home 100 percent. I truly believe we spend alot more quality time at home to the average 9-5er. Just make sure you do as much as you can to help when you are home.

We have no idea what we are doing. Do the best you can and everything will be fine.

Protip: get used to sleeping with earplugs as soon as you can before the baby arrives. Wifey will wake you up if she needs you but you are much more helpful if you are refreshed when needed after a good night's sleep.

It's a blast honestly, I can't wait to do it all over again as soon as possible.

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[alaskadrifter]

It seems like just yesterday we were getting our first ultra sound. Now she’s 7 months old!

 

[A Life Aloft]

It seems like just yesterday we were getting our first ultra sound. Now she’s 7 months old!

It's going to be your best Christmas yet. She is so adorable. That little expression in the pic on the bottom right.....lol....just want to kiss her.

Everybody did their own thing for Thanksgiving this year, but Xmas everyone is coming here. Going to be three generations and a gaggle of grandbabies and grandkids for me to love on all day. I am a happy man.

 

[Lawman]

It seems like just yesterday we were getting our first ultra sound. Now she’s 7 months old!

Got our third ultrasound yesterday.

Wasted no time in getting home from deployment. Need to start buying ammo for what I can only assume will be the sassyist of little girls.

She’s gonna be just like her mother.... only more successful at being manipulative.

 

[A Life Aloft]

Wait....what......you are having another baby??

 

[alaskadrifter]

Got our third ultrasound yesterday.

Wasted no time in getting home from deployment. Need to start buying ammo for what I can only assume will be the sassyist of little girls.

She’s gonna be just like her mother.... only more successful at being manipulative.

I thought the same thing, but she came out a little minny me. I don’t know which is scarier.

 

[Lawman]

Wait....what......you are having another baby??

Yeah... deployments and tequila.... makes for accidents which makes for babies.

We are just now far along enough where we’re comfortable telling people outside the need to know circle. Just because we’ve been through this before (where unfortunately many don’t realize how common it is) and not made it.

We’re both thrilled and my wife is already “dress shopping” for like the next 11 years of her life. After this though I’m taking the bullets out of the gun.

 

[Lawman]

I thought the same thing, but she came out a little minny me. I don’t know which is scarier.

I’m honestly thrilled for a girl.

First time around I was dragged kicking and screaming going I’m not able to do this but god please if I have to let it be a boy.... This time I’m like friggen bring it... I’ll teach her to braid hair, run a table saw, and help her pick out her lightsaber color because while my wife says she has to be a Disney Princess she didn’t say which Disney Princess.