JDean3204
Well-Known Member
I know that I have become the king of long and drawn out posts lately. I usually get great advice from guys and gals I respect very much here in the JC community. So with that, here is my next family concern...KIDS
A little background about myself and my wife. We have been together for almost 10 years now. When she was 18 and I was 20, she moved all the way from our hometown in Oregon to Virginia to be with me. She has been by my side through two lengthy military deployments, the civilian flight training process and now during my regional airline days. She never has complained to me about it, always being supportive and happy seeing me grow as a pilot and a person. Even during my first gig where I made a miserable 16K in 2015, she didn't complain. In fact, she has taken this opportunity to grow herself professionally. She doesn't have a degree or anything, but a good work ethic has gotten her a stable county job that pays around 35-40K with amazing health benefits. I have known for years that I want to have children with my wife, but we've been waiting for me to reach a point where it makes sense.
My wife gets more and more passionate about the topic of children. In the last year I have been more open to talking about it, and we were planning on trying this summer for our first child. I was going to be based at home, and we were very excited to finally build our family. However, I unfortunately lost that job and found myself starting over again at another airline. I am now on the very tail end of training, I will be commuting again but it shouldn't be for too long I hope. A few months at the most. So we have decided to wait until the beginning of the year to start trying. She was my backbone the last few months, and never pressured me with family or kids while I dusted myself off and got back on the horse so to speak. At the same time she comes from a culture where let's just say people have kids generally sooner versus later in life. I am a few months from 30 and she is now 28. I know we're not old by any means, but we really didn't plan on leaving it this long. Most of our friends from the military have multiple children together now, her younger sisters have children and so I don't blame her for the baby fever she is experiencing lately. To be honest I feel the same way, I really want to wait until I upgrade, but that is a few years away and then... what will be my next thought process? Wait until I'm at a major, then wait until I upgrade at said major. The time will never feel right. I feel very selfish for being so concentrated on my career, that her dreams of being a mother have had to wait to come to fruition. It has lately taken a toll on me, and I have even thought about quitting flying to get a more stable job that may not pay as well in the future, but will be a good job to be a family man....Then my wife knocks some sense back into me and tells me that she would feel responsible if I quit flying. That I have worked way too hard and am way too much of a nerd to not fly for a living
Obviously money is always a concern when having children. We have worked extremely hard to pay off debt together and now have only the normal debt. Car payments, rent and associated costs, which are quite high in Portland these days. The rising Cost of Living stresses me out, it has risen furiously in the last few years. Our credit card debt and my "supplemental living expense debt" have been paid off thanks to some good bonus money. For the first time in five years, we have savings, not very much but better than living paycheck to paycheck like we have been. So we finally feel somewhat financially stable, but a child I feel will turn that upside down. Since I will be mostly gone for work, she will have to cut back most of her hours and work part time. She plans on working enough to keep those awesome health benefits. Although my airline pays pretty well for industry standards, it is still regional FO pay. About 40-50K for the next few years. That will be tough to live on if my wife cannot work I am sure, so that is one thing racing through my mind. I have asked a few pilot friends about this, they all say the same thing. They tell me to wait until I make it to a major, but who am I kidding. I have faced the music, with my roadblocks and a few marks, I am not a tier 1 candidate by any means. So it will take time for me to reach that step. I still need thousands of hours and a 4 year degree. If I am lucky, in 7 years I may be there. That will put me at 37 and my wife 35. if I wait that long I may not have a wife anymore, she has made it very clear she has patiently waited for me to reset and start a new career. She knows that we would have had a few kids by now if that new GI Bill didn't come out in 2009 giving me a chance to afford civilian flight training.
The one concern I have being a pilot besides the financial aspect is about being a good father. Knowing that I will be gone more than at home scares me. I know my wife is very independent right now by her self, but will that change with kids? Will she resent me for going to work? Will my kids resent me for being gone, at times missing important milestones? I am grateful for having a good father growing up. He was my little league coach, he was at every wrestling tournament and always made sure I was doing well. My parents didn't make much money and never could have afforded to put me through state college let alone a college like ERAU or UND, and I knew that. They did raise me to dream big though, that is why I am where I am now. It may have taken me a while to get here, but I made it and my parents are more proud of me now than ever. That is because of them, and I want to raise my kids with that same mentality, to be as much as an influence on them as my folks have been on me. I know these are all issues that one has to tackle upon news of their first child, at that point there is no turning back and it's time to be a man or woman and be the best parent you can be. I just want to hear from someone that had kids in the early stages of their career and made it work. Hearing how they balanced it all out to be both successful as a pilot and a father/mother will be great to hear.
A little background about myself and my wife. We have been together for almost 10 years now. When she was 18 and I was 20, she moved all the way from our hometown in Oregon to Virginia to be with me. She has been by my side through two lengthy military deployments, the civilian flight training process and now during my regional airline days. She never has complained to me about it, always being supportive and happy seeing me grow as a pilot and a person. Even during my first gig where I made a miserable 16K in 2015, she didn't complain. In fact, she has taken this opportunity to grow herself professionally. She doesn't have a degree or anything, but a good work ethic has gotten her a stable county job that pays around 35-40K with amazing health benefits. I have known for years that I want to have children with my wife, but we've been waiting for me to reach a point where it makes sense.
My wife gets more and more passionate about the topic of children. In the last year I have been more open to talking about it, and we were planning on trying this summer for our first child. I was going to be based at home, and we were very excited to finally build our family. However, I unfortunately lost that job and found myself starting over again at another airline. I am now on the very tail end of training, I will be commuting again but it shouldn't be for too long I hope. A few months at the most. So we have decided to wait until the beginning of the year to start trying. She was my backbone the last few months, and never pressured me with family or kids while I dusted myself off and got back on the horse so to speak. At the same time she comes from a culture where let's just say people have kids generally sooner versus later in life. I am a few months from 30 and she is now 28. I know we're not old by any means, but we really didn't plan on leaving it this long. Most of our friends from the military have multiple children together now, her younger sisters have children and so I don't blame her for the baby fever she is experiencing lately. To be honest I feel the same way, I really want to wait until I upgrade, but that is a few years away and then... what will be my next thought process? Wait until I'm at a major, then wait until I upgrade at said major. The time will never feel right. I feel very selfish for being so concentrated on my career, that her dreams of being a mother have had to wait to come to fruition. It has lately taken a toll on me, and I have even thought about quitting flying to get a more stable job that may not pay as well in the future, but will be a good job to be a family man....Then my wife knocks some sense back into me and tells me that she would feel responsible if I quit flying. That I have worked way too hard and am way too much of a nerd to not fly for a living
Obviously money is always a concern when having children. We have worked extremely hard to pay off debt together and now have only the normal debt. Car payments, rent and associated costs, which are quite high in Portland these days. The rising Cost of Living stresses me out, it has risen furiously in the last few years. Our credit card debt and my "supplemental living expense debt" have been paid off thanks to some good bonus money. For the first time in five years, we have savings, not very much but better than living paycheck to paycheck like we have been. So we finally feel somewhat financially stable, but a child I feel will turn that upside down. Since I will be mostly gone for work, she will have to cut back most of her hours and work part time. She plans on working enough to keep those awesome health benefits. Although my airline pays pretty well for industry standards, it is still regional FO pay. About 40-50K for the next few years. That will be tough to live on if my wife cannot work I am sure, so that is one thing racing through my mind. I have asked a few pilot friends about this, they all say the same thing. They tell me to wait until I make it to a major, but who am I kidding. I have faced the music, with my roadblocks and a few marks, I am not a tier 1 candidate by any means. So it will take time for me to reach that step. I still need thousands of hours and a 4 year degree. If I am lucky, in 7 years I may be there. That will put me at 37 and my wife 35. if I wait that long I may not have a wife anymore, she has made it very clear she has patiently waited for me to reset and start a new career. She knows that we would have had a few kids by now if that new GI Bill didn't come out in 2009 giving me a chance to afford civilian flight training.
The one concern I have being a pilot besides the financial aspect is about being a good father. Knowing that I will be gone more than at home scares me. I know my wife is very independent right now by her self, but will that change with kids? Will she resent me for going to work? Will my kids resent me for being gone, at times missing important milestones? I am grateful for having a good father growing up. He was my little league coach, he was at every wrestling tournament and always made sure I was doing well. My parents didn't make much money and never could have afforded to put me through state college let alone a college like ERAU or UND, and I knew that. They did raise me to dream big though, that is why I am where I am now. It may have taken me a while to get here, but I made it and my parents are more proud of me now than ever. That is because of them, and I want to raise my kids with that same mentality, to be as much as an influence on them as my folks have been on me. I know these are all issues that one has to tackle upon news of their first child, at that point there is no turning back and it's time to be a man or woman and be the best parent you can be. I just want to hear from someone that had kids in the early stages of their career and made it work. Hearing how they balanced it all out to be both successful as a pilot and a father/mother will be great to hear.
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