Douchey Pilot Things. A list
- Thread starter ahw01
- Start date
Baronman
Well-Known Member
DC center gives a fair amount of “ proceed direct XYZ” and crossing restrictions via cpdlc .
Precisely. Basically anything you can do via voice you can do through your CPDLC. Hell, I've launched out of AMS enroute to BOM and had minimal radio contact beyond "Southernjets 123 FL 310 CPDLC" checking on and everything else pretty much comes through the box.
Boris Badenov
This is no laughing matter.
CPDLC is generally great. It's (#*$)(#*$ing unbelievably irritating when we've been flying for 9 hours (largely in heavenly silence thanks to...CPDLC), then we log on to Indy and it's *ding* contact frequency. Check in. *ding* contact frequency. Check in. *ding* Descend to cross whatever at whatever. Then the controller keys up "descend to cross whatever at whatever then contact such and such on..." *DING*
Roger Roger
Bottom of the list
Dbag pilot things: taking a job that requires the ability to travel to Canada. Refusing a health requirement for travel to Canada. Neglecting to mention that fact until after you’ve accepted a trip to Canada.
CFI A&P
Exploring the world one toilet at a time.
But my hippo!
roundout
VNAV monitor
You're picked up from the downtown JW Marriott in a stretch limousine. On your exclusive, premium floor, there were no interruptions and your nap was sublime. You're whisked away, separated from all the normies on the hotel Ford Transit van, with its someone else's to-go coffee cup from 18 hours previous. The driver offers champagne, but you defer graciously. You and the driver laugh.
At the airport, you're smarted though security without getting randomed. A luxury golf cart delivers you and your luggage to your departure gate, after a brief stop at Starbucks, where your order was already waiting for you at the mobile pick up counter. On board the plane, the A flight attendant greets you with a smile and offers to help you stow your gear, but you decline because you know they're busy serving the high value customers in first class. The boarding process is seamless and calm. The professionals above and below the wing have this operation really dialed in. You make a PA and the entire cabin smiles at your warm and hospitable demeanor. You smile, too.
After you double ding the seatbelt sign at 10,000 feet, the cabin calls you and offers some caviar that a first class passenger declined to eat. It's served with some loose leaf artisanal tea, which is a nice touch as your Starbucks has already disappeared. You polish off your tray of goodies, smile to yourself as you look down at the lights of Vegas and Phoenix sliding by off the wingtips. The weather is great, the radios are quiet, and the ride is smooooooooth. The FMA reads ALT CRZ. Only three more hours to go, and counting down.....
Cherokee_Cruiser
Bronteroc
roundout
VNAV monitor
ChasenSFO
hen teaser
Seeing this again, I remembered something funny that happened when I asked a crew what animal was on a tail. They were in "Cliff the Goat" (the old non-NEO one), and the pilot came back with "I don't know, I think it's some kind of stupid goat" and just said it like he absolutely hated life. Without skipping a beat, some random pilot goes "Always with that stupid goat", then someone said, "There goes that stupid, ugly damn goat again". Then somebody called Tom Brady the GOAT and a Southwest pilot just absolutely went psycho about how "BRADY IS A CHEATER" and seriously just started roasting the guy who said that and listing things Joe Montana accomplished that Brady "never will". He wasn't even kidding, he was pissed. All the while during his rant, there's all this squelching and it goes on for maybe 1 minute and some change then I just heard a pissed-off, "RAMP, Cathay 872, DO YOU READ", and before I can even reply, someone goes "Montana was a phony" and now Cathay is trying to pretty much scream over Southwest and I'm like gasping for air and there is a freggin line almost to T2 of planes going to the 01s blocked because Cathay has stopped on Hotel blocking Alpha AND Bravo (like rolling into a non-movement area is a federal crime) and won't move until they can get a word in. But I didn't care, as this was like a fever dream in the best way possible. So I just picked up the hotline to ground surprised they didn't call me yet and said "hey, I have a stuck mic tell Cathay to head to the gate nothing moving will be a conflict". Because that was easier than saying everything else I just typed out. Then I think everyone realized I was actually busy and it all just stopped, maybe 2 minutes or so passed over the course of all this. I really wish I could have heard the reaction of that pissy Frontier pilot when his comment led to all that as they taxied in.
So fast forward a year or 2 and I'm boarding Cliff the Goat in DEN and I take a picture of the big ass (you can totally say "ass" on here) poster by the boarding door that says "Today you are flying with Cliff the Mountain Goat" and cross out the word "mountain" and scribbled "stupid" so it read out as "Cliff the Stupid Goat" and sent it to my buddy who was up there for all this loving it as much as I did. He opened it right away and didn't reply before I turned on airplane mode so I was a bit bummed out that he didn't react. I later found out he almost choked to death on a roast beef sandwich when he opened it.
Lots of good Frontier memories.
EDIT: Recounting this story on JC led to me whipping this up real quick to see if I can make my buddy choke all the way to death this time.
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trafficinsight
Well-Known Member
Cherokee_Cruiser
Bronteroc
Anyone remember F9’s infamous “sliver of my soul” and the honorary plane Sliver the shaved beaver?
LOL
Best internet meme of the year.
LOL
Best internet meme of the year.
I had a copilot say he was going to refuse to comply with the entry procedures and I said that I'll see him at the hotel for pickup in the morning if it all works out.
But then he got the ArriveCAN thing filled out after all.
BobDDuck
Island Bus Driver
Similar story. Had an RO who had a coughing fit 4 days prior after doing yard work (and he was allergic to something blooming). Was going to Korea, and told the Company that they had to take him off the trip because otherwise he'd have to check the box on the entry form that he'd been coughing within the last 7 days. Company said obviously that wasn't covid related and to just go and not check the box. He told the company he refused to lie, and that they'd better take him off. They didn't.
So we get to Korea (and he's been telling us the whole way over there that he's going to check the damn box... the captain and I had a bet going whether he'd chicken out or not), and he checks the box on the form. We get to the health screen checkpoint and the guys in bunny suits pull him aside. The whole crew waits for 45 minutes on the bus before the station manager tells us to just leave. After 5 hours they let him go, but he had to figure out his own transportation (and this was when there was no public transportation running out of the airport at all) to get to the hotel.
I’m going to have to go catch my breath to read this in it’s entirety!
I got to the “bunny suit” part and haven’t stopped laughing for the last few minutes!
BobDDuck
Island Bus Driver
Toobdrvr
Estrellas Asesino
PILOT-X!?
Is that YOOO!?
Not really expecting a confirmation, but if you are, well, I sincerely hope you’re good, and that life is once again folly-like…
roundout
VNAV monitor
--works in one of the most heavily regulated, overseen industries in existence
-- " I wILL n0t CoMpLy1111"
Sounds about right.
Nope.
Yup. He’s free to do whatever he wants to try to do in a foreign country, but I’m sure he thought I was a dick when I said I’d only wait a couple minutes for him!
Toobdrvr
Estrellas Asesino
Coincidentally, in SFO earlier today…
