Remember, a lot of guys who do this type of flying (including old experienced codger types) do this stuff because they've got something to prove. I won't lie, that's why I didn't go to the 121 world, I didn't even try, I had to prove to myself that I could do this other type of "badass," or "tough guy" flying that the "real pilots" do. Scarily enough, almost every one of the people I know who did/does similar flying talks about how they get great satisfaction out of how difficult or challenging, and it's not uncommon to hear this in relation to how "not everyone can do this type of flying." Truth be told, it's pretty dammed easy unless you push the conditions and the limits of your equipment. Maybe I'm getting older, maybe it has to do with having the baby less than two weeks away, bottom line is (at least for me) I like things to go smoothly anymore. There's too much other BS associated with this career for me to want any additional complications in the airplane. While I still love to fly, and still love the challenge of it, I find it's more satisfying and challenging to try to do things right. That doesn't mean I still don't have my occasional lapses in judgment, or that I won't make mistakes - rather, it means that my feelings about what makes a good pilot are changing. I still look back at the days I did of renegade flying in singles, dodging pointy rocks and flying dangerously low over empty fjords and glaciers with glassy-eyed nostalgia. I still miss the fun I had and often long for the freedom to do whatever I want in the airplane because there simply were no established rules or procedures beyond the most basic regs. That visceral emotional feeling of fear and excitement when you pull your stupid ass out of a sling is an addictive cocktail of adrenaline and ego - and when you swap stories with your buddies at the bar later, the understanding nods and smiles are worth more than any paycheck. These friendships formed in fear last for lifetimes, and I'm glad to have the experiences associated with that portion of my life, but the circumstances that brought me to those points in space and time where I "saved the day" or "just barely made it in" were truly the result of a fundamental failure in my understanding of how things ought to be.