When a family member steals....

My mother allowed him to move back in. I was also promptly informed that she will "not listen to me bizzitch" about my brother." She said if dont like it, Im free to leave at any time.... she knows that I have no where else to turn besides abandoning my children and living in my crash pad full time.
 
Well this thread is frustrating me because I know what I would do to him, my own blood or not. It sounds like he needs a good butt-kicking. I would install a couple of dead-bolt locks on the door to my room and make sure everything was locked away. Perhaps get a cheap video camera from a pawn shop and record things when you are gone. If you have an Apple computer I remember there is an app you can install called Periscope that you can set up to automatically record any movement in the room while you are gone. That is a good one as well. It can even send the video to your iPhone if you have one of those.

Build up some evidence and call the police. File a claim in small-claims court for damages incurred. You shouldn't need a lawyer to beat him in court as long as you do some research and handle yourself properly. Just remember that if he does indeed go to jail for anything, your parents might consider that "punishment enough" and let him right back in to do the same things. You might also use your kids as leverage against your parents (and especially your mom). Explain to them that if they aren't willing to look out for the best interests of the family as a whole then they are going to lose you and your kids. They are losing sight of the forest for the trees so to speak.

I know it is a frustrating/painful situation to be in so I'm sorry you are going through it. Your parents have been awful parents because they are harboring some feelings of responsibility for him and allowing him to act like a complete POS. Best of luck. Better your situation and get your kids and you out of there ASAP. In the meantime, install numerous locks and layers of security. Make sure only you have the key that way there is no question as to whether or not someone else got in without permission. I have had to deal with a family member stealing from my parents before. I handled it for them because they weren't willing to confront them. It took a threat of incurring physical hardship for the duration of their life to keep them away. But it worked.
 
And as to your first post... FAMILY DOES NOT COME FIRST. That is a load of crap thought up by some • who has never been taken advantage of by family members. YOU COME FIRST. Do what you can for yourself and those you are responsible for. NOT your parents or your brother. They are letting you know how much you mean to them and what they think of your situation by the actions they are displaying. Get your things together, save some money, and leave.
 
"Just leaving" is easier said than done when it involves making sure there's enough money to take care of two little kids... Rent and childcare are NOT cheap.

Not that I think she shouldn't bail out of there, I think she should, BUT sometimes it's not that easy.
 
When the situation presents itself, I believe what has to be done has to be done. I'm not telling her to up and leave. I'm telling her to start to prepare for that. Do what needs to be done in the short term by locking everything up as securely as possible. And then start stashing away money in the bank to leave.
 
chrisreedrules said:
When the situation presents itself, I believe what has to be done has to be done. I'm not telling her to up and leave. I'm telling her to start to prepare for that. Do what needs to be done in the short term by locking everything up as securely as possible. And then start stashing away money in the bank to leave.
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Ok. My husband took EVERYTHING when he left. All of the money, the savings EVERYTHING. My discretionary income is $20 per week. That is paying crash pad rent and rent at my moms. The rent for a place of my own in STL would be TWICE that. Then factor on utilities. If you'd be willing to start up a "donation fund" that would be lovely of you. But for right now, "preparing to leave" is going to take 2 years or more.
 
Krystal said:
Ok. My husband took EVERYTHING when he left. All of the money, the savings EVERYTHING. My discretionary income is $20 per week. That is paying crash pad rent and rent at my moms. The rent for a place of my own in STL would be TWICE that. Then factor on utilities. If you'd be willing to start up a "donation fund" that would be lovely of you. But for right now, "preparing to leave" is going to take 2 years or more.
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Well, I don't know what to tell you then. At the risk of sounding like a jerk, it sounds like you have made some poor decisions in life. Sometimes this is what it leads to I'm sorry to say. I've been in bad situations before (worse than this I dare venture, but without the responsibilities of children). I know what I would do in your shoes. But something tells me we are completely different people. And different people have different solutions to problems. I refuse to be a victim in any sense of the word and I act accordingly. If I felt that my fortune/livelihood or that of those I am directly responsible for was in trouble then I would do whatever necessary. Let me stress... Whatever necessary. But, like I said... different people. Don't let yourself be a victim. "In life, if you don't like whats on your TV... get up and change the channel". Use your brain... frame him so as for him to look horrible in the eyes of your parents or something. Its not hard to outsmart someone with an addiction. His weakness has presented itself to you. In fact, it is smacking you in the face. Be smarter, be harder, be clever. I'm sure you will think of something.
 
IM going to guess that Chris is lonely tool who has never actually had a family of his own. I would also wager to guess that he has had everything handed to him his entire life. Thats the only reason I can think of that he would even dare suggest that I "made poor decisions".....if you consider investing all I had to further my husbands flying career only to have him leave me with NOTHING a ":poor decision" You dont sound like a jerk...you ARE one.

*deep breath*

Borris, MO is a no-fault state. We werent married long enough for there to be any hope of alimony payments. (The courts wont even look at anything less than 10 years) I spoke with a couple of attorneys and short of compromising his job (which would, in turn, hurt mine) they werent confident that there was much they could do for me.
 
I've been on my own since I was 16... Get real. "I've had everything handed to me". You wish. I owned my own business for several years and sold it to help pay for my flight training. And being the person you are has obviously led you to such an amazing place in your life. I'm not here to argue with you or make you look bad, I was trying to help. Now I regret trying to help you. Sorry for your situation, but maybe you shouldn't be posting on a forum for pilots about this kind of thing and just figure it out for yourself. Life isn't hard, your just soft.
 
Pilotforhire587 said:
I don't think the state cares if he can afford it or not. If the kids stay with you most of the time he should be paying something
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Well I have quite a few years experience here....

Its done off Federal Standards, each state must set their calculations to comply. The worksheet calculator can be a bit cumbersome however it takes into account columns for both income and child related expenses for each parent. Those include who provides medical as well as who pars for any required childcare.

This is then bounced against the number of days each parent will have the child physically living with them and a calculation is made on the total support required. This is then broken down by the percent calculation based on actual living with parent days to determine what percentage of the total support required belongs to each parent. Support can be no lower than that amount for the state to remain within guidelines unless special circumstances exist. It can be higher though. There is also a top end cap for high earners and that can't be breached unless one party can show an "Accustomed Lifestyle" will be lost (i.e. the kids always went to private school before the separation). In my case, $1049 a month.......Cap was just under $1200 a month and I hit it when I was earning a bit more in SoCal.

This is the area that can be gamed though to get a calculation that works for both parties. Some will agree to split the days in a way that helps one party or the other and not really the days they are actually staying with those parties. The more you move to 50/50 and the closer the incomes are, the more the calculation is Zero or net zero (less than $100 a month). Not implying anything here by the OP, just pointing out the system.

In the previous divorce, I had primary Physical Custody, we pretty much split the days even. My income then was just under twice her's, I paid medical and daycare as wel, and she would have owed a little bit. I didn't need or want it so we adjusted the days so her owing me was right at $100 a month. State won't get involved in mandatory withholding at that amount (differs by state), so I wrote her a receipt for $1200 paid the moment we left court (so she had to pay nothing that year).
 
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