When a family member steals....

Krystal said:
Oh, it was for the airline I work for now. I have another pair...but this was the set that I got at graduation. I could go to inflight and get 100 of them...it wouldnt be the one that I kept touching after it was pinned on, kept looking at, pinned and repinned 150 times after I drycleaned my blazer, all the while yelling DAMMIT because I couldnt get them on straight or kept dropping the pin back, and cleaned with a toothbrush after having a can of tomato juice explode on me during my IOE....same goes for the scarf, we went to the ugly delta uniform so the scarf I wore was long gone and like the wings, ....it wouldnt be the one I wore every day, tied every day, spilled coffee on and washed in the galley sink. covered my nose with while I cleaned up vomit in row 14, had a crying baby tug on as I walked him up and down the aisle during a 2 hour taxi in jfk (FA's can be up, pax cant and I am a sucker for babies!)

Dammit, now Im starting imagine being an FA again....someone hit me with something please!
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SLAP
 
Krystal said:
Oh, it was for the airline I work for now. I have another pair...but this was the set that I got at graduation. I could go to inflight and get 100 of them...it wouldnt be the one that I kept touching after it was pinned on, kept looking at, pinned and repinned 150 times after I drycleaned my blazer, all the while yelling DAMMIT because I couldnt get them on straight or kept dropping the pin back, and cleaned with a toothbrush after having a can of tomato juice explode on me during my IOE....same goes for the scarf, we went to the ugly delta uniform so the scarf I wore was long gone and like the wings, ....it wouldnt be the one I wore every day, tied every day, spilled coffee on and washed in the galley sink. covered my nose with while I cleaned up vomit in row 14, had a crying baby tug on as I walked him up and down the aisle during a 2 hour taxi in jfk (FA's can be up, pax cant and I am a sucker for babies!)

Dammit, now Im starting imagine being an FA again....someone hit me with something please!
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I have a spare prop blade lying around, will that be sufficient?
 
As with most addictions, there is somewhat of a natural order of progression. If addicts can't get funds locally from their family/friends, they start stealing from "others". Unfortunately, the"others" in this case would not be as gracious. Your Mum can press charges on him for spending her money at the Casino without consent. This might be the wake up call he needs. I hope she does not have to get a call from jail to wake up to the reality of the issue.Some things deserve a ruthless and aggressive eradication and this is one of them.

I am sorry If I sound harsh but I have seen similar situations where family had all sorts of sentiment about the situation and only woke up to reality when he/she was locked up indefinitely.
 
Krystal said:
I once came through security with a talking doll in my bag (gift for my daughter)..... the look on the screeners face was PRICELESS. I can only imagine what he would say if I carried airplane parts through!

"Just in case!"
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"Anyone with a FMS CDU box, please ring your flight attendant call button immediately!"

*beeeeeeeng bonnnnnnnnnng*


Sent from my TRS-80
 
Krystal said:
Thanks, I read that article also. THAT is a sad situation. He has already be "given" 1.5 large and he gambles...for what...more money???
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That just goes to show it's an addiction. Addictions can be very illogical. I hope your brother gets the help he needs.
 
Just throwing this out there: A very wise person whom I listen to says: "You should help people out of a situation, not a lifestyle choice." I try to use that advice when it comes to making decisions about people close to me, when emotions play a huge factor.
 
Sorry to hear about your problems. Best of luck to you all. Having a bowel resection and an ostomy isnt fun; I had them both b/c of a simple surgery gone bad. Will keep you and your family in our thoughts (wife and I).
 
Krystal said:
You all know that there have been recent circumstances that have forced me to move back home with my mom and grown younger brother.

I had many concerns about moving home: dogs, cleanliness, smoking etc. But my biggest concern was my brother. My brother has the mental capacity of a 12 year old. Now before you laugh and say "dont all men?" I have to stress....he LITERALLY has the mental maturity of a 12 year old. In 1996, my family endured a devastating gas explosion in our home. My brother suffered 3rd degree burns over 70 percent of his body. He was 12 at the time.

Fast forward to present day. He looks like an adult, talks like an adult, and for the most part seems like an adult, but the trauma "stunted" his maturity in many ways. At 28 he has no control over his temper, whatsoever. He has zero impulse control, he is a compulsive liar, he has no regard for other peoples space or belongings, no respect for other people or authority, and he has developed a gambling problem. He lacks the maturity, dicipline or self control to hold down a job longer than a few weeks. \ IT didnt help that my family, myself included, allowed this to go on for a long time because, "we almost lost him once."

About a year and a half ago, I allowed him to stay in my apartment to look after my pets while I was gone for a week. I come home to find my bedroom drawers gone through and money stolen. At the time, he blamed my stepbrother.. I brought it up to my family, Only to be chewed out and threatened with disownment for even SUGGESTING that my brother would steal from his own family. 6 months ago, after spending $200 on him at a casino, I left him alone in my apartment only to coem back and find that he had stolen my house cash, my kids xmas money, cleaned out my kids piggy banks and emptied out my husbands change jar. Again, I brought it up, but was shot down again by my family.

Since moving into my mothers house, however, the thefts skyrocketed. Hiding things was useless, he would just ransack the place until he found it and it got to the point that I actually had to buy a locking cabinet to lock up my money, wallet , and valuables. Ive come home to find that someone had tried to jimmy THAT open. I have to keep my kids piggy banks locked u. Finally, though, a couple of months ago, after cash began disappearing from my mothers purse and medication, cash and jewelry were coming up missing from my dads house, my parents FINALLY admitted that they thought my brother was stealng to feed a gambling habit. FINALLY. A look back a the previous couple of years, we finally lined out a pattern of theft and lies and we realized that this was a VERY serious problem. Finally.

Recently, my poor mother ended up in the hospital having emergency bowel resection and she has been bedridden. We went to order ostomy supplies the other day only to discover that her bank account had been drained at the casino. She almost threw him out. The same day, I discovered that my great grandparents' wedding bands were missing, as well as one of my moving boxes (Im not fully unpacked yet) containing many items of value, including jewelry. Its one thing to steal from your sister...but to steal from your sick mother???

My family is at a loss as to what to do. He obviously has a problem but because he is unable to accept even a small amount of criticism so I could see an "intervention" going VERY badly.He lies to everyone: Myself, my parents, his friends, his doctors. He faked having CANCER to get friends and family to give him money. He will not accept blame for anything.... much like a spoiled 12 year old. My mother is ready to throw him out and my dad refuses to take him in. I think it would be a good wakeup call but he is completely incapable of caring for himself. Talking with my dad, we have even began discussing the possibility of pressing charges if it keeps happening. Jail is better than homelessness. That would be a VERY VERY difficult decision.

I know they say that family comes first, but what if family can no longer be trusted? We cant even trust him with $20 to go to the grocery store....he spends it on scratch tickets. This is a problem that is spiraling out of control. Im terrified of what could happen in the future. Have you ever had to deal with this in your close family? What do you do?

He gets away with what he does because you guys let him; therefore he can. Stop letting him, and problem solved. Stop making his problems, your problems.
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Would you accept this behavior from a stranger? Would his background make a difference?

Since he is family, your family has tried to do the right thing, and handle it internally. You've given him a fair opportunity to make things right, and he did not take advantage of it. Your brother has wronged you. He has stolen from you. He has broken laws. He is a criminal. Gather your evidence and press charges. Let the legal system take over.
 
O&M said:
Would you accept this behavior from a stranger? Would his background make a difference?

Since he is family, your family has tried to do the right thing, and handle it internally. You've given him a fair opportunity to make things right, and he did not take advantage of it. Your brother has wronged you. He has stolen from you. He has broken laws. He is a criminal. Gather your evidence and press charges. Let the legal system take over.
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I dont have any "evidence" that he stole from me other that the fact that I know he stole from me. I have nothing to press charges with. My mom has proof that her debit card was used while she was in the hospital but I cant force my mom to do anything.
 
Well, a couple of thoughts...

Generally speaking, you have the right and ability to file a complaint with the police about your missing (stolen and not misplaced) property. It is up to the police to investigate the facts of the reported theft. Call the local (non-emergency) number for the police department and request that a patrol be sent to take a report for the stolen property. The call may not have a high priority (request for service, larceny past, or whatever) but someone will come to take a report. During the interview, the officer will speak to you about specific matters of fact (what is missing, time, circumstances) and matters of opinion you may have (who did it, how do you know, etc). The officer's response may be anything from speaking to your brother, to doing a thorough investigation and passing the complaint to the local prosecutor, who will decide if the evidence is sufficient to prosecute. If the desk officer or dispatcher won't handle your initial call, ask to speak with the watch commander or shift supervisor and politely insist that an officer come for the purpose of reporting the stolen property - don't make it a family matter about your brother's behavior or your suspicions at that point.

You have the right to report the thefts of your property, not anything which may have been taken from another party, even in the same household. Stick to that.

As noted, the available evidence may not warrant a legal indictment of your brother but it is up to the police to investigate the report of stolen property. There will be consequences which inevitably follow into your family relationships should you choose this course; still, the missing property constitutes a crime and is reported regularly to police.

Good luck in an impossibly difficult situation.
 
I did file a police report the night that it happened. They didnt even talk to my brother because the onlly evidence I had was a missing moving box that turned up in his car, parked on our property at the place where we resided together. I filed the report bbecause the next morning, my ex husband and I threw our kids the car and called and visited every pawn shop in st. louis looking for the jewelry. With the items documented as stolen, the police would make them give it back. alas, we strongly feel that he took the jewelry to one of those gold scrapping places... my wedding ring from the captain, my class ring, graduation bracelet, my grandparents wedding bands....

This is something that just burns my toast. Say you have a wedding band and you need some cash. You have two options.
Option A: Go to a pawn shop. There, you will fill out a background form so they can verify your address, they fingerprint you, photograph you, photograph the item you are selling and take a copy of your drivers license. Then you sign an agreement that if you dont pick it up, they can sell it. (These are the actual requirements to pawn something in the State of MO) They hand you $25

Option B: Go to your closest shopping mall and walk up to a gold buying kiosk. they verify you are 18 and have you sign a reciept stating you are selling it. They hand you $25

Does anyone see the disparity here? The gold scrapping places are a big, new crime ring. Not just for the criminally low amount they give you. There is no chain of accountability and criminals have caught on. Why run the risk of getting caught at a pawn shop when they know that they can just walk up to a scrapping places and get the value for the metal with no paper trail? Are our legistators REALLY that stupid that they havent thought to regulate this? Hell, even the low-life scrap yards are required to ID and fingerprint anyone scrapping metal and they hav to have their check mailed to them. (Metal theft is rampant here) Really, NO ONE has thought for a second that probably half of the jewelry sold to these gold scrappers is stolen?
 
Sooo. An update. A couple of days ago, we found out that Brother has been posting on the Book of Face that he is selling Vicodin tablets. Smart.

He had been staying with a friend (The very "friend" that he claimed was behind all of the thefts)

Today, we found out through my stepbrother (The only person my Brother will stay in contact with) That he had been kicked out of the house he was staying in. He had borrowed money from th e"Friend" and the friends aunt, who also lived there and, of course, didnt pay it back. When they asked him to leave (Guess they got tired of him freeloading, also?) He stole the Aunts Vicodin tablets.

He claims that it was because hsi "friend" wouldnt "own up to stealing from his sister." My stepbrother heard the contrary from Friend and Friends Aunt as well as other people in Brothers social circle. I got to see his new Book of Face photo...a shaved head and a soul patch, the only facial hair that will grown through his skin grafts. He looked like a GD thug.

If he really is stupid enough to advertise on a social networking site that he is selling a controlled substance, I imagine the next call we will get will be that he is in Jail. And I predict it wont be very long before that happens.
 
I once witnessed a person's hand smashed to pieces with a rock for stealing from the wrong people... Not saying that you are capable of such things towards a family member no less. But the point is sometimes harsh punishment is what is required. Do your worst on said family member (legally speaking) and don't regret a second of it. Regret only that it is necessary in the first place. It will only get worse if left unchecked.
 
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