When a family member steals....

web265 said:
It may be time to prosecute! This may, depending on where you are, lead to a pre-trial intervention program that might include counseling as a requirement. (Depending on eligibility which is usually based on prior criminal record).
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I called the police sweetie. My mom was PO'd but I did it. They couldnt help me unless I had valid, tangible proof that it was stolen. Unfortunately, domestic theft is very difficult to prove....he could always use the excuse he used above.

If anything, the detective will be faxing a description of the stolen items to local pawnshops. Pawn shops in the state of Missouri are required to photograph all items presented for pawn as well as the person pawning them and they must take a fingerprint. Unfortunately this new industry of "gold scrapping", does not require this....
 
If he had a "change" in attitude 5 years ago, it has nothing to do medically with what happened to him 16 years ago.

Mentally, psychologically, it might...but not medically.

I agree, with the folks who say that a mental health professional is the next step.
 
Hacker15e said:
So, who did he say stole everything?
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hacker, he claims a friend of his stole the moving box;.....which doesnt explain how it ended up in the trunk of his car. He is telling two completely different stories. First, he claimed that he took the box from a stack of empty moving boxes..... as I have unpacked, I have flattened my boxes and smoothed out the packing paper (I bought clean, new moving supplies) for use when I finally get the chance to move out....he would NOT have found my moving box with a handful of things lef in it. Hes full of poop.

I dont know what to do about psych care. No one in my family can afford it out of pocket. My discretionary income after all of my bills, food and gas are paid is $20 per week. If we were dealing with drug or alcohol problems, we could get all the help we needed through the state. Unfortunately, the state health care doesnt provide for gaming addiction.
 
Krystal said:
I called the police sweetie. My mom was PO'd but I did it. They couldnt help me unless I had valid, tangible proof that it was stolen. Unfortunately, domestic theft is very difficult to prove....he could always use the excuse he used above.
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I didn't intend the suggestion to necessarily lead to a conviction. Just look to use the system To get him some help. A pre-trial intervention isn't a conviction (in NJ anyway).

In NJ, the "tangible proof" that something has been stolen is the report of it being gone. In your situation here, you would report the theft. Your brother would be charged with receiving stolen property. The fact that he has any of the stolen property is prima facie evidence of the crime. ( good enough to make the charge). That being said I hope that they took an actual theft report from you listing each missing item. They absolutely should have.

I would call the local prosecutor's office and explain your situation to an AP. They would also be more likely to know if this type of (court mandated) counseling is an option.

As far as it being tough to prove, he can say anything he likes, you are the one that has the credibility here. Why would you possibly go through this exercise if it wasn't true?

Good luck!
 
I called the police....stated that I wanted to prosecute. The fact that I had no proof, other than the fact that the items were gone....meant that they couldnt just take my brother in. MIssouri. unfortunately, works in the favor of the thief in most cases.
 
MQAAord said:
If he truly is still suffering the effects of a previous "injury", then he needs to be in medical treatment. He is a danger to your family, he can't be trusted. If it were my brother, I would be taking the steps to have him committed. It sucks, but he can't stay with family any more. :(
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True. We've had to do that. It is unfortunate but sometimes the burden of mental illness is too much.
 
Krystal said:
I called the police....stated that I wanted to prosecute. The fact that I had no proof, other than the fact that the items were gone....meant that they couldnt just take my brother in. MIssouri. unfortunately, works in the favor of the thief in most cases.
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Wonder if that is the reason why St. Louis has such a high crime rate. Anyways, that is besides the point. It makes sense to provide him all the resources neccessary to make him better but the question is whether or not he accepts that he has problems and be able to "turn himself in" to the professionals that will try turn his life around.
 
I don't know your situation, except that you are employed as a dispatcher. I am assuming full time. I say this with the best intent: Figure a way out and get out. A room from an elderly, something on craigslist, a female crashpad, anything.
I have to think the stress of doing that is less than the stress you have from living in the situation you are in now. Has to be.
I feel for ya, positive thoughts.
 
Itchy, that would be alot easier if I didnt have two children. Its not just me living all by me onsie. :(
 
Wow, I sorry to hear that. I hate to say it but this has gone on far too long, it is time for tough love. You can go down to the police department and talk to them about the stolen items etc. They cannot give you legal advise but will have numbers to other agencies that can offer you help without cost. Also if you do choose to file a police report for the stolen items they may be able to get them back. With a police report you are able to get the stolen items back from a pawn shop, if he sold them there. If you do get him arrested the judge may be able to psych eval. If they do find something wrong he may get the help he needs.

The bottom line, IMO, is family only goes so far. You need to protect yourself and your kids first.
 
Thanks.

Update:
My family confronted him about the stolen money....particularly the hundreds of dollars he drained from my mothers bank account. They told him, point blank, that if he didnt pay mom back in a timely manner, he would not be allowed to stay with any of our family. He recieves a social security check every month....with no bills or responsibilities,my mom told him that she wanted half of what he owed her when he recieved that next check.

Two days ago, he stopped communicating with our family. The last thing he told dad was "Ill pay mom back but Im not going to be hounded about it..." (dickhead thief say WHAT??) He has "defriended" all of our family members on social networking sites and refuses to answer his phone. Im floored....he STEALS from us, and when we confront him,. he declares that he wont be "hounded" about it??? Like WE'RE the bad guys!

For the record...I looked at the list that I wrote on the box of what was inside...among the things that cant be replaced... my flight attendant scarf and wings: the only part of my uniform I saved. Those wings were practically my most prized posession...the day I got them was the start of a new life for me, the beginning of a journey that brought me out of a very desperate and unhappy point in my life and set me on a course to be where I am today...despite recent events, I am happier with myself than I ever thought I could be 10 years ago, and the one thing I saved to remind me how far Ive come , even if it is just a stupid little pin, is gone. :(

Ok, done pounding my head on the table. Hey look! leftover birthday cake!
 
I treasure the memory of my family, but I loved them because they loved me. It was really just a high-order type of "friendship", with some bonding hormones and experiences thrown in. It's certainly not for me to tell you what to do, but if it were me, I'd work on taking a rational view of your relationship to this guy who happens to share a significant portion of your DNA. Eg. How much should that genetic similarity influence your actions...or how little.
 
Boris Badenov said:
I treasure the memory of my family, but I loved them because they loved me. It was really just a high-order type of "friendship", with some bonding hormones and experiences thrown in. It's certainly not for me to tell you what to do, but if it were me, I'd work on taking a rational view of your relationship to this guy who happens to share a significant portion of your DNA. Eg. How much should that genetic similarity influence your actions...or how little.
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I wholeheartedly agree.
I dont have very much family left...my little family has dwindled in recent years and in less time than seems possible right now, he is practically going to be all I have left after my children. Believe me, its been agonizing.
In all reality, he should have been in counseling after his accident. As far as I know, he never saw a therapist once outside of the burn unit. He suffered a MASSIVE trauma and we dont know how much her really remembers or doesnt remember. I think that was where my parents fell short.... they dragged me to every kiddy shrink in the country when I was growing up but not once did they send him.

I want him to get help and I want our family to try to repair itsself but right now, we are not in a good place with this. He has demonstratedd zero regard for his family. For years, I have watched him disrespect our parents and grandparents, take advantage of our hospitality, generosity, love, and respect. In two years, he has only gone to see my daddy when he wants money and never once has he offered to pay him back. He drained money from my moms bank account while she was laid up in the hospital after surgery...the same night when he asked me for money to buy gas and weasled $40 out of me. He even lied to my moms friend, saying he needed money to get some things for mom at the hospital. He has repetedly shown that his friends, girlsfriends, even people he's just met mean more to him than we do. And of course, the slot machines at the riverboats are the only thing he shows real love towards.

If he is in genuine trouble...hes hurt, in jail, sick... believe me, I will be there. we share an ucommon type and Ive donated blood and tisue for his skin graft surgeries...and would do so again without hesitation, but he has lost the trust of our family and if he has any hope of getting it back, he has to change. He knows he can come to us for that,.... now he just has to make the decision to.
 
Again, I'm uncomfortable telling people what they "should" do with this sort of thing...probably because I'd be equally uncomfortable having advice given the other way. I probably shouldn't have posted in the first place.

But since I did, I guess I'd just observe that all relationships are based on reciprocity, and that seems, from what you've related, not to be a lesson that your brother has learned. If it were me (again, not for me to say what you should do), I'd be getting to work on making him understand this fact (provided I was willing to have him in my life at all).

Whatever the case, best of luck. The situation obviously sucks.
 
That's a very good step you all have taken with him. Very, very good.

What airline did you fly for? Unless the airline is defunct I bet you can get a new pair of wings. Sure, they won't be the same exact piece of metal, but it can still mean the same thing. Same with the scarf, there are ways of finding uniform pieces. The exact wings that were pinned on me at my graduation are long gone, they fell off years ago. But I have others, and they mean just as much to me.
 
Oh, it was for the airline I work for now. I have another pair...but this was the set that I got at graduation. I could go to inflight and get 100 of them...it wouldnt be the one that I kept touching after it was pinned on, kept looking at, pinned and repinned 150 times after I drycleaned my blazer, all the while yelling DAMMIT because I couldnt get them on straight or kept dropping the pin back, and cleaned with a toothbrush after having a can of tomato juice explode on me during my IOE....same goes for the scarf, we went to the ugly delta uniform so the scarf I wore was long gone and like the wings, ....it wouldnt be the one I wore every day, tied every day, spilled coffee on and washed in the galley sink. covered my nose with while I cleaned up vomit in row 14, had a crying baby tug on as I walked him up and down the aisle during a 2 hour taxi in jfk (FA's can be up, pax cant and I am a sucker for babies!)

Dammit, now Im starting imagine being an FA again....someone hit me with something please!
 
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