Suicide

GX

Well-Known Member
Saturday evening, a friend of mine killed himself. He was the father to 2 young kids, 8 and 5. He was a husband to a beautiful, fun, lovely wife. He was 32 years old. An entrepreneur and business owner.

All of those things considered, he left a message on his Facebook page at 5:30pm. He was found dead at 7:30 by his wife and kids as they returned home from an outing.

Though there may be differences of opinion, politics, religion, sex, race, creed, and everything else, I want to encourage anyone who is struggling in your life to reach out to ANYONE. The embarrassment you will feel will be far less consequential than the pain your friends feel from having to bury you.

I posted this because this morning, his wife posted this to his Facebook page: To see your children afraid to walk in your own house because their daddy died n wake up every few minutes with nightmares n no one able to eat or catch their breath n feeling like u have the world on your shoulders n having disrespectful people post a photo of their happy time with my husband is too much for me today. Can someone please put it in Spanish in case I get any more surprises. Thank you

Understand that one momentary decision will affect generations to come. You can call me, or message me, and I'll do whatever I can to help you through that moment which will pass. I wish I had that choice with him.
 

darrenf

resident denizen
I lost my sister to suicide just over a year ago. Not a day goes by that I wish she were able to call either me, my brother or sister to let her know she was loved and nothing was as bad as it seemed. Sorry for your loss.
 

Autothrust Blue

Commander Air Group, BSG-75
Sorry for your loss. :(

Though there may be differences of opinion, politics, religion, sex, race, creed, and everything else, I want to encourage anyone who is struggling in your life to reach out to ANYONE. The embarrassment you will feel will be far less consequential than the pain your friends feel from having to bury you.
Well put...never, ever hesitate to reach out. You aren't alone.
 

SteveCostello

My member is well-known.
Sorry for your loss, GX. That sucks. As bad as it is, it could have been even worse had he taken his family with him, as seems to happen entirely too often (just happened here in St. Louis in a sleepy, well-to-do neighborhood, in fact).

And agree on all points regarding reaching out. Being obviously available to people that are troubled is big, too. It helped save the life of a friend of mine... twice. She's now happily married with two gorgeous daughters and a guinea pig farm (of all things...).

Anyhow. Sucks, man. I'm sorry.
 

Autothrust Blue

Commander Air Group, BSG-75
Sorry for your loss, GX. That sucks. As bad as it is, it could have been even worse had he taken his family with him, as seems to happen entirely too often (just happened here in St. Louis in a sleepy, well-to-do neighborhood, in fact).
Murder and suicide are human tragedies that do not discriminate on basis of class.
 

MQAAord

Scheherazade
Staff member
Sadly, by the time a person gets to the point where they are serious about killing themselves they truly believe the world will be better off without them. In their mind, they're doing the world (and everyone else in it, including their spouse/kids) a favor by removing themself from it.

Trying to convince someone that their perception of the world is incorrect can be a very, very difficult thing.

I'm sorry to hear of your loss... suicide is sadly more common than society likes to believe.
 

greaper007

Well-Known Member
Thats horrible man, I've had a couple interactions with suicide this year, one of my dads friends went through with it and an old friend tried. I'm lucky to have a wife who's a psychologist. The thing she really stressed to me is that there's really nothing you can do to prevent, or predict a suicide. If someone has decided to kill themselves sometimes they're just going to do it. She said when she first had suicidal clients she would often stress all weekend about if they were going to go through with it. But if you've recieved verbal confirmation that they won't hurt the elves there's little else you can do. If they can't give you that confirmation then you can put them on a 72 hour hold, but that's really it.

I know how difficult it is but we'll never really understand suicide. Hang tight man, things will get better, I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
 

fftoto

Well-Known Member
As one who has had a bout with depression, I feel for all involved. It is rarely a "an instant" decision. One feels that there is no other way out. However, as stated above, there are always other ways out. I never actively sought out this solution but I do see how people get into that thought process. I hope anyone out there thinking about this solution gets the help they need. I am an example, it was a long difficult road but I can now fly with a class 1 medical. We all need help once in a while. Prayers go out to all involved, if anone is not a believer in the spirtual since, then just know that there are others out there that do care and will do anything to help avoid this.
 

MQAAord

Scheherazade
Staff member
My biological great-grandfather killed himself during the depression. The family (my great-grandma and grandma & her siblings) were the ones who found him. I can not image the trauma of finding one's spouse/parent dead like that. Great-grandma remarried, a nice man who I knew as my great-grandpa, so their lives did go on, but it was not easy for her being a single mom during the depression!

I go back and forth between feeling pity for him, and how utterly helpless he must have felt to do that, and despising him for taking the "easy way" out and abandoning his family during the worst economic times in the country, leaving his family to find his body and leaving her alone with kids to take care of.

It's always hard for friends & family left behind, it truly sucks all around, in every way. :(
 

GX

Well-Known Member
Thanks for relating to the story!

darrenf Sorry to hear about your sister. I can't imagine how hard that must be.
MikeD There was nothing. I'm a fairly direct guy, "Hey! Everything ok? You doin' alright?" kind of guy, and I didn't pick up anything out of the norm.

I'm in a weird place because I'm watching people post to his FB page who don't know, and are asking "What happened?" and nobody wants to talk about it. I liked the guy, but am pissed off at his selfishness. His wife has been left having to ask for donations to do a funeral, and his wife has no place other than home to go. Can you imagine having to go to sleep where your loved one took their own life?

I went flying this morning w my instructor, and he asked if everything was alright... I told him about the weekend, and he left me with something pretty profound. He said that he heard an Army General say of suicide, "It's the most aggressive, most indiscriminate adversary I have ever faced." And he went on to tell several stories about guys who were E1 to O7, or O8's. ADM Boorda comes to mind.
 

Itchy

Well-Known Member
My neighbor just shot out his chest, leaving a 13 year old girl fatherless. I think little of him, and he obviously thought little of his 13 year old girl. I find it disgusting that he would not/ could not talk to someone first. I know it was a serious depression, however it does little to attenuate my feelings towards him. I know of too many others fighting for their life.
 

tlewis95

I drive planes
I rarely go around posting things like this but this is my dad performing a song called 'Deeper Shade Of Blue' that he wrote on the subject of suicidal depression. He used to be a volunteer for a suicide hotline and once got a call from a woman who was 'on the edge' and when he asked if there was someone there she could talk to she answered by saying that her husband was sitting right next to her the who the whole time. So he wrote this about that specific type of loneliness that some people are already talking about here. It is one of my favorite songs and I am very proud of him for writing it. There is generally no dry eyes in the house when he plays it live. Very sorry about your loss Gx...


Can you tell me what I have to say?
Tell me what I must do.
I don't wanna live this way anymore
If I don't see you tomorrow, then I won't feel the pain
There is nothing you can do
Im in a deeper shade of blue

Can you tell me why it hurts so bad
Tell me what I have done
I don't want to be so sad anymore
I need to hear an answer 'cause time won't heal the pain
There is nothing you can do
Im in a deeper shade of blue

Hold me if you can
Find your way to me, tonight
Take me as I am, and I may be alright
I may be alright

If I could only hold your hand
If I could only feel your heart
On my own two feet I'd stand, on my own
I raise my voice to heaven, but they don't know my name
There is nothing you can do
Im in a deeper shade of blue
 

Derg

New Arizona, Il Duce/Warlord
Staff member
It does suck because it leaves you with the 'what if' and the confusion of if there was a sign the last time you saw them. And from my three experiences, there really wasn't. Just a "@hat happened?/Naw, get the.. Get the... Get the hell out of here. HIM?!"

No two ways about that.

One of my pals at my employer did it in the early 2000's and I'm still pissed that he didn't at least try to reach out to someone. Even saw him passing through the jetway about three weeks before it all went down.

Then another guy I knew, but not one a very personal level, did the same thing.

Flew with the other guy a few times, seemed happy and jovial whenever I'd run into him and *poof*

Some people lose hope and by the time they find their situation ultimately hopeless, people that want your help will reach out. People that don't want your help will not.

There's no solace in that, but it is what it is from my perspective.

I'm not the best at picking up the telephone because I'm usually somewhere it's $10/minute (it seems), but text me a "PICK UP THE DAMNED PHONE NOW" and I'll do it.
 

Bob Ridpath

Pit Bull love
Generally speaking, suicide is not an act to understand rationally. People may reach out as hope dwindles and occasionally they find help. Once hope dies, though - for whatever reason - the reaching out has long since stopped.

Sometimes, after a lifetime of trying, it's just hard to find the strength to stand up one more time, so people don't.
 

Houston

Well-Known Member
Joan Rivers said something about suicide that has always stuck with me. "Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

I am sorry for your loss and the loss others have expressed here.
 

Oxman

Well-Known Member
Sorry for your loss. :(

Having just lost my younger brother to suicide I sympathize his family. My sincere condolences to them.
 

JustinS

Well-Known Member
That's really sad to hear. I had a friend I went to school with who was very popular commit suicide after his freshmen year of college. It left everyone from our high school class shaken up because we all knew him and he was such a great guy.

One of my best friends to this day, who I have known since 1st grade, attempted suicide in a bout of depression. Thank God he was unsuccessful. He was submitted to the hospital for treatment, and he is doing better now. I felt so bad because he doesn't have a whole lot of friends, and with my life going by so fast with school, my career and my fiancee all taking my time, I had no idea that my friend ever got to that point. I was very upset with him and I told him to never ever everrrrr try that again because I can't handle losing my best friend like that, and neither can our families! I told him life has its ups and downs, but I want him to be around because things are going to be better and I got his back, and I want him to be there as a part of each others' life as we all grow old in this world.

My prayers go out to you and your friend's family.
 
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FXMXC

Well-Known Member
I just really don't understand this. He had a wife and kids two things I would kill for. I have never had the fortune of meeting ms right I am 48 now kinda late for me. But even in my darkest hour I have never considered killing myself. I just cannot fathom it. I had a buddy who had everything to live for had a great job a beautiful wife and a little boy and she was pregnant with twins and they got into an arguement on thanksgiving and she threatened to leave him (like his first wife did) and he went into a bedroom locked himself in and shot himself in the head. That is one action that you cannot take back. I am sure he didn't mean to end it all but thats exactly what he did. Very selfish now his kids have to grow up without a father.
 
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