Velocipede
New Member
As my Grandma used to say, "Women are like the City Bus. If you miss one, there will be another one along in half an hour."
Quagmire....need advice
- Thread starter atpwannabe
- Start date
bunghole
Well-Known Member
Sooo....Marcus,
Now that the dust has settled and all the congratulatory pats on the back have come and gone, I wanted to check in to see how things are. Are you more 'free' now that 'truth' is with you?
I appreciate providing a list of 'facts' and was curious if you could order all those facts from most significant to least significant, what that order would be? Once the list is reshuffled, ask yourself in what ways are you committing yourself to the items on the list that will have the largest impact on yourself and others around you.
As your may already can guess, I'm alluding to the point that your son should be at the top of that list. Any and all decisions that you make should consider his well being at all times. This would include the conscious effort to either remake a relationship with your ex-wife or decide to part ways. In addition, it would include how and when to change careers and finally, reasons you would approach the dating scene. I would hope that you understand by dating again, this not only takes away valuable time that you could spend with your son but ultimately may lead to a step-mother and additional children that would benefit from your fatherly skills.
Also, as noted from my previous posts I mentioned to seek advice from reliable resources. Even though I may have not been explicit enough, I wanted to at least be clear of what I meant. Seek advice from those that either know or are doing what is morally right. What this means is using resources like a respected marriage counselor or a church minister, or a good friend who happens to be married and has children that can provide a first-hand perspective of what it means to lead a meaningful life with a child or children. In fact, there are a few JC guys that re-evaluated their flying careers since it takes so much time away from the kids. You wouldn't venture to the local tavern at dinner time on Monday to seek marital/family advice from bar patrons would you?
anic: Please say 'no!'What I am speaking of is not easy, but I can safely assume that getting your degree and pursuing your flying career is and won't be easy either. I don't believe the responsibilities of your ex-wife is easy as well. Even though you brought her up in somewhat of a negative perspective, keep in mind that you entrust her to care for your son daily by waking him up,brushing his teeth, getting him dressed, making breakfast, taking him to school, picking him up, making his lunch, having play time activities, playing at the park, making dinner, practicing letters,brushing his teeth, reading a night time book and finally tucking him in bed. While you have the luxury of going to work, pursuing career changes and dating women, she has the task of the daily care of your son.
When making long term, major life decisions consider your alternatives carefully and how it impacts not just yourself but those most loved and cherished around you. Since you and your ex-wife brought a child into this world, then make every effort to provide emotional stability for him. He will love you more for it! With that said, I am have never implied that you stay with your ex-wife for the sake of a child. What I have said quit simply is to seek the 'truth' by relying on those that know, and this 'truth' will set your free my man.
Happy Holidays!
invertmast
New Member
My 2 cents:
The Ex is a money hungry ....... woman who is just hanging around because your and your family are "paying her way thru life" and getting rid of her debt. pay for the kids way thru life, NOT hers.
the current "thing".. Is either 1. TRULY tired of getting hurt and trying WAY to hard to make you 100% happy so she doesn't get hurt, or 2. Completely psycho and you should run away as fast as you can
The Ex is a money hungry ....... woman who is just hanging around because your and your family are "paying her way thru life" and getting rid of her debt. pay for the kids way thru life, NOT hers.
the current "thing".. Is either 1. TRULY tired of getting hurt and trying WAY to hard to make you 100% happy so she doesn't get hurt, or 2. Completely psycho and you should run away as fast as you can
atpwannabe
Well-Known Member
Sooo....Marcus,
Now that the dust has settled and all the congratulatory pats on the back have come and gone, I wanted to check in to see how things are. Are you more 'free' now that 'truth' is with you?
I appreciate providing a list of 'facts' and was curious if you could order all those facts from most significant to least significant, what that order would be? Once the list is reshuffled, ask yourself in what ways are you committing yourself to the items on the list that will have the largest impact on yourself and others around you.
As your may already can guess, I'm alluding to the point that your son should be at the top of that list. Any and all decisions that you make should consider his well being at all times. This would include the conscious effort to either remake a relationship with your ex-wife or decide to part ways. In addition, it would include how and when to change careers and finally, reasons you would approach the dating scene. I would hope that you understand by dating again, this not only takes away valuable time that you could spend with your son but ultimately may lead to a step-mother and additional children that would benefit from your fatherly skills.
Also, as noted from my previous posts I mentioned to seek advice from reliable resources. Even though I may have not been explicit enough, I wanted to at least be clear of what I meant. Seek advice from those that either know or are doing what is morally right. What this means is using resources like a respected marriage counselor or a church minister, or a good friend who happens to be married and has children that can provide a first-hand perspective of what it means to lead a meaningful life with a child or children. In fact, there are a few JC guys that re-evaluated their flying careers since it takes so much time away from the kids. You wouldn't venture to the local tavern at dinner time on Monday to seek marital/family advice from bar patrons would you?
What I am speaking of is not easy, but I can safely assume that getting your degree and pursuing your flying career is and won't be easy either. I don't believe the responsibilities of your ex-wife is easy as well. Even though you brought her up in somewhat of a negative perspective, keep in mind that you entrust her to care for your son daily by waking him up,brushing his teeth, getting him dressed, making breakfast, taking him to school, picking him up, making his lunch, having play time activities, playing at the park, making dinner, practicing letters,brushing his teeth, reading a night time book and finally tucking him in bed. While you have the luxury of going to work, pursuing career changes and dating women, she has the task of the daily care of your son.
When making long term, major life decisions consider your alternatives carefully and how it impacts not just yourself but those most loved and cherished around you. Since you and your ex-wife brought a child into this world, then make every effort to provide emotional stability for him. He will love you more for it! With that said, I am have never implied that you stay with your ex-wife for the sake of a child. What I have said quit simply is to seek the 'truth' by relying on those that know, and this 'truth' will set your free my man.
Happy Holidays!
Bunghole:
Glad you asked!!!!
Actually, the list above is just that....a list. As far as priorities go, I guess they would appear as such:
a) My relationship w/Jesus Christ is first and foremost; reading & studying the Word; attending worship service; reading supplemental books and other material; along with a personal daily devotion...time where it's just me & God.
Anything after that, I leave that work and guidance to the Holy Spirit. The key is that I must make a decision. I believe that He will then let me know whether or not if it was a good decision.
Back on December 6th, my ex bought my son down for the weekend. That next day, Sunday morning, I informed her that I was seeing someone else. I didn't do it to hurt her or do it out of spite. Not telling her was causing me difficultly. So, I told her. What a freeing experience!!!! I have no regrets. She says she feels betrayed....however I reminded her that she explained that by me offering the engagement ring, a few weeks earlier, put pressure on her and that she was just enjoying the (our) friendship as it was when we first met. Again, I asked her to give me some sort of framework to work from concerning us and she repeat what she said. At that point, I knew.
I'm a firm believer that there is a time and a seaon for everything in our lives. We just have to be sensitive to it and at that time she didn't want to commit. As oppose to her telling me that. she phrased it as "enjoying our friendship". It's not our time or season and I'm not going to pretend that it is in any way, shape, of form.
As far as my son, everything I do, I have him in mind because whatever decisions I make will directly affect him, so I must be situationally aware and have all the available information and resources to make a sound decision. My ex does an excellent job with raising him and I glad that she is the mother of my child. I do still have feelings (love) for her.
As far as the woman I met, I've suggested and insisted that we take our time. She purchased a gold Bulova watch for me for my birthday. I gave it back. I couldn't keep it. I had to re-evaluate my motives and keep in mind exactly what was it that I was looking for in the relationship. She knows about my ex and that she brings him down to visit with me.
As far as my education and career.... Fall of '87 ERAU grad. Currently a career changer. Going into and coming out of flight training with NO debt....zero...nadda.....goose egg. Looking to start training next month at Ari-Ben Aviator in Fort Pierce which is where my ex and son are. AB offers their PPL course for 5K and ProPilot Course (200-250 hrs TT all ME) for 39K. All incidentals are covered as well. This was meticulously planned.
Welp...that's about it for now. I will say that tonight, 12/20/08, my friend and I are going to the Improv in Miami to see Guy Torry. My ex is bring my son down tomorrow to visit. We'll see how things go.
But again I say, my conscience is clear and my heart is clean.
Take care.
atp
(Marcus)
