Quagmire....need advice

[bunghole]

If you are someone that truly puts your child first then you would seek advice from a source that can provide an experienced assessment. This would ultimately lead you making better decisions for yourself that would make a secure foundation to raise a healthy family.

I would encourage you to listen and call http://www.drlaura.com The call is free and the related books/resources are invaluable.

Your decisions can help divert years of mental anguish that would be inflicted by you, your ex and future dysfunctional bed warmers on your child.

Be a 'real' dad to your 4 year old. She deserves it!

Good luck

 

[WacoFan]

I guess I would keep in mind that you are not limited to either of these women. The ex seems like she is jerking you around a bit for cash, and the new girl seems psycho. Neither is a good thing and if your choices are the two of them I would take the prettiest one. That said, there are probably many other women to avail yourself of - that is probably what I would do.

 

[derg]

Sorry man, I just realized that I spent more time acting a fool than answering the question.

Ok, ex-wife? I wouldn't get remarried to her. The new girl seems by your description as if she's after something because she's moving so fast during the "blissful" stage when things seem "too perfect". You know, establish a relationship, get the claws in and exhale once you're emotionally locked-in. I could be wrong and she might be the sweetest girl on earth!

Take some man time, drink some beer, play some pool, breathe a little independently of being in a relationship and it will soon be clear!

To the casual reader, I'm not trying to sound misogynistic, which I don't believe I am, I'm just trying to answer the question from a male perspective.

Good luck sir!

 

[Qgar]

Not trying to kiss your butt, Doug, but don't think you came across misogynistic at all.
My thoughts in a nutshell? If something seems too good to be true, it probably is.
It's very exhilirating to have a new person in your life, BUT when things move at the speed of light, you need to step back. It's happened to most of us (me included) and it usually doesn't end well. Perhaps she's on the rebound or is just one of those females who always needs to have a man in her life to feel "complete," and you just happened to be in the right place at the right time.
The issue with the ex-wife? I wish you luck with that, but I haven't heard of too many re-marriages working out. The fact that there's so much of a delay on her part leads me to think she's rethinking her decision.
Whatever the case, I wish you the best of luck. Just please remember, everything happens for a reason. If it's meant to be, it will be. (I know this sounds very simplistic, but it usually is how the world works.)

 

[atpwannabe]

I sincerely want to thank everyone that responded. To be honest, I really didn't think I would receive this many heartfelt, genuine suggestions. I really appreciate it.

I wasn't gonna say it, however, I don't think I would have gotten the same type of response in terms of the sincerity and magnitude from the guys over at the "other" forum where I make posts. It's a great site, but this is just my observation.

Again, thank you everyone for your input.


atp

PS - I sent her an email explaining how one should "count the cost" before making a "purchase". I know that I didn't. We are having lunch today. I'm confident and determined to do the right thing and end this relationship.

 

[BrewMaster]

If you are someone that truly puts your child first then you would seek advice from a source that can provide an experienced assessment. This would ultimately lead you making better decisions for yourself that would make a secure foundation to raise a healthy family.

I would encourage you to listen and call http://www.drlaura.com The call is free and the related books/resources are invaluable.

Your decisions can help divert years of mental anguish that would be inflicted by you, your ex and future dysfunctional bed warmers on your child.

Be a 'real' dad to your 4 year old. She deserves it!

Good luck

Whatever you do, don't listen to Dr. Laura (who isn't even a real Dr.) I've listened to it one time while driving (literally nothing else was on) and quickly realized that she is a complete nutbag!

Take care of your kid, be careful with the ex, and hide from the new one. Sounds like finding women isn't an issue for you, you'll be fine.

 

[crjsomeday]

You have quite the dilemma. Whatever you do dont' make a decision quickly. Re-marriage most times in my experiences does not work very well. You have to ask why she wants to get remarried, is it because she truly loves you? Or is she lonely and has not found someone new in her life? You need to make sure she has the correct intention. On the other hand, the one that says she loves you after two weeks, you may have a "clinger" here. That is way too fast and would recommend walking away. If you are happy as a person, the zero option might be the best. Sometimes the best decision is just not making one, time is always on your side. Good luck to you.

 

[Tld]

Sometimes the best decision is just not making one, time is always on your side. Good luck to you.

:yeahthat:
...and slow down, what's the rush? personally, i think the best relationships develop organically...you have a child with one of these ladies, so its not like you wont have time to figure it out with her if that's what you want.

i think gals who say they love you in the first few weeks are a little sketchy...imho.

 

[bunghole]

Whatever you do, don't listen to Dr. Laura (who isn't even a real Dr.) I've listened to it one time while driving (literally nothing else was on) and quickly realized that she is a complete nutbag!

Take care of your kid, be careful with the ex, and hide from the new one. Sounds like finding women isn't an issue for you, you'll be fine.

This is a typical response for a one time listener. I used to have similar thoughts as well. You don't have to agree with everything she believes or says. The idea is that you can come away with thoughts and ideas that can put you back on track when facing ethical/moral dilemmas.

The bottom line is that she has 'real world' daily experience interacting with callers. Her trained background is in fact: California Marriage Family and Child Counseling (MFCC). She has a Ph.D but its physiology. It still qualifies to be titled as a doctor. Don't let the doctor title distract you.

To reiterate, the 'stage name' title isn't as relevant as her practical and effective advice which can be obtained for a price of a phone call or a price of a book, which was my response to the original post.

Take the good and throw out the bad and just move on.

Cheers!

 

[BrewMaster]

This is a typical response for a one time listener. I used to have similar thoughts as well. You don't have to agree with everything she believes or says. The idea is that you can come away with thoughts and ideas that can put you back on track when facing ethical/moral dilemmas.

The bottom line is that she has 'real world' daily experience interacting with callers. Her trained background is in fact: California Marriage Family and Child Counseling (MFCC). She has a Ph.D but its physiology. It still qualifies to be titled as a doctor. Don't let the doctor title distract you.

To reiterate, the 'stage name' title isn't as relevant as her practical and effective advice which can be obtained for a price of a phone call or a price of a book, which was my response to the original post.

Take the good and throw out the bad and just move on.

Cheers!

Actually it's a typical response from someone who can easily identify nutbags. Sorry, I'm really not trying to start anything, and we are kind of thread jacking here, but I'm just trying to help the guy out. I was bored at work and tuned in to see if anything has changed, nope, same scam. He doesn't need "Dr." Laura's advice. All she does is give the exact same "you're strong and stop being weak" advice to everyone. Nobody gets any real or helpful advice, they just come on there and thank her for telling them how weak and dumb they are. My morning bm gives me better advice than her, and it sounds about the same.

Sorry.

 

[derg]

I've love to take both "Dr." Phil and "Dr." Laura, slather them in KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce and take 'em down to the zoo for "Big Cat Day"!

 

[BrewMaster]

I've love to take both "Dr." Phil and "Dr." Laura, slater them in KC Masterpiece BBQ sauce and take 'em down to the zoo for "Big Cat Day"!

:yup:

 

[atpwannabe]

My morning bm gives me better advice than her, and it sounds about the same. Sorry.

:yup:. Not to take away from bunghole's advice, but damn that's funny!!! That statement bought tears to my eyes.

I'm rethinking this whole scenario. My ex and I have been separated for 4 years and divorced for 3 1/2. All this is so new for me. I haven't "dated" or claim to be "going out with someone" in seven years. Maybe it's time for change. I dunno. I'll see what happens.



atp

 

[bunghole]

; My morning bm gives me better advice than her, and it sounds about the same.

Now that gave me a friggin chuckle! Thanks for that! Imagine if we could get advice from our bm? What a better world we could live in!

 

[bunghole]

:yup:. Not to take away from bunghole's advice, but damn that's funny!!! That statement bought tears to my eyes.

I'm rethinking this whole scenario. My ex and I have been separated for 4 years and divorced for 3 1/2. All this is so new for me. I haven't "dated" or claim to be "going out with someone" in seven years. Maybe it's time for change. I dunno. I'll see what happens.

atp

To get the subject back on track......

Sounds like your doing some real soul searching. In fact you came to the realization that you've spent 7 years in stagnation and still haven't really made any progress in your relationship. I would stay clear of others advice that mentions of taking time to soak your sorrows in suds or waiting for the fate fairy to provide you with a better alternative. Who do you know ever benefits from that? Zip! Nada! Self realization isn't derived from booze or stars.

Consider taking the bull by the horns so that you don't waste anymore time. The Dr. Laura thing was just a suggestion which is quick and inexpensive. If you have access to speaking with a marriage counselor with a good reputation then do it! My main point: make the right decision soon so your daughter isn't celebrating her tenth birthday and your still in this predicament or worse. Build some lasting memories now by showing her how a real dad can make a difference.

Cheers!

 

[derg]

Run, fool, run!



For reals, yo. Don't get remarried for the sake of a child because if the marriage is not healthy, you're doing more damage being together than being apart.

 

[bunghole]

Run, fool, run!



For reals, yo. Don't get remarried for the sake of a child because if the marriage is not healthy, you're doing more damage being together than being apart.

Well sure....you can be walk instead of talk like it is implied above, but considering that no one on this site knows nothing about your ex other than what you posted, any judgement posted here by the proud members of JC can be considered premature at best. Its in your hands and mind to seek out resources that will provide you with tools to manage your personal relationships. Key Point: Find those resources that will yield competent and effective results.

Good Luck!

 

[atpwannabe]

Facts:

I've been divorced for 3 1/2 years
I'm single and educated (BS degree from ERAU)
I have a good relationship with my son
I know who I am and whose I am........(spiritually speaking that is)
My faith and belief systems are strong, viable and uncomprising
I'm about to realize my childhood dream...becoming a professional pilot
Fixed long term debt - student loan

I going to live my life free of any type of bondage. Whether that be my ex playing games; or not really wanting to get back with me and not telling me; or it's my own desire to get back with her. No expections will be placed on me by anyone and none by me onto anyone else. "And ye shall know the truth and the truth will set you free". I'm back in the dating game.

With this decision my conscience is clear and my heart is clean.

Thanks everyone.




Marcus
(atp)

 

[mavsfan31]

Good for you man!

 

[N826AW]

Watch out for those RNs.