Pilot VS. Relationships

[Cessna414JJB]

My observation has been that the airline pilot lifestyle (and others like it), tend to strengthen good marriages or finish off bad ones.

LOL - thats kind of a KISS way of looking at it.

 

[surreal1221]

Don't worry. . .the relationship will work. . .

You'll get furloughed and be able to spend a boat load of time with your family.

 

[Cav]

My observation has been that the airline pilot lifestyle (and others like it), tend to strengthen good marriages or finish off bad ones.

Hard to top calcapt on this response.

I've said it before but for me I enjoy missing my wife in a weird way. We find it healthy. When I'm home we do almost everything together when her schedule permits but when I'm gone we are both independent people who have our own careers and activities outside of work that don't necessarily involve each other. Put plainly, I'm sure my wife probably enjoys a few days of space when I'm gone. I'd be lying if I said that I don't sometimes enjoy it. We both get sick of "the road" at times but that's the life we've chosen and it's worked well up to this point. It's all we've ever known since I literally shipped off to IAH for training 7 days after saying "I do."

Having a spouse with an independent streak is the key in my opinion, much like MQAAord already stated. Getting married is the best decision I've ever made.

 

[future pilot]

Don't worry. . .the relationship will work. . .

You'll get furloughed and be able to spend a boat load of time with your family.

:laff::laff::laff::laff: Thanks guys for all the replies!

 

[Ian_J]

:laff::laff::laff::laff: Thanks guys for all the replies!

While I'm sure a 4 and 3 airline schedule can be challenging, think about it this way. There are married people in our armed forces deploying for 18 months, home for 6-12 months, and redeploying for 18 months. While the divorce rates between civilian and military are calculated in different ways, they really aren't that different.

 

[Maximilian_Jenius]

While I'm sure a 4 and 3 airline schedule can be challenging, think about it this way. There are married people in our armed forces deploying for 18 months, home for 6-12 months, and redeploying for 18 months. While the divorce rates between civilian and military are calculated in different ways, they really aren't that different.

Jodie got cha girl an gone!

 

[juxtapilot]

Well as some of you know i despiratley want to become an airline pilot. This weekend although i was in my cousins wedding. Having fun at the reception last night. Everyone drinking, (Getting a little drunk). And talking with a bunch of chicks with my cousins. Then today we had the gift opening. just a few hours ago we were all talking in the backyard about the honeymoon.

Anyways im just thinking to myself. When i whant to get married, I whant to be able to see my wife. You know? Well enough of that stuff to my question. As a pilot do relationships work out as well? Or do they turn out the same? Or worse where you end up getting a devorce? Let me know from your expirences or what you think! thanks!!

Man, ur too young to be worrying about this stuff... give urself 5 or more years, then start thinking about it...:buck:

 

[SteveC]

There are lots of happy, married pilots out there too.

:hiya:



Marriages are not good, nor are they bad, because one is a pilot. It is never the circumstances, it is how people handle the circumstances together no matter whether good or bad. Pilot, fireman, policeman, army grunt, computer programmer, accountant, financial advisor, salesman, doctor, lawyer....all have pluses and minuses, yet none of those things REALLY matter in making a relationship work. Relationships work only when both people want them to work.

 

[Firebird2XC]

Lennon told us that all we need us love, but decades later Trent Reznor revealed the truth in that love is not enough.

Love is, sadly, not enough, but without it life seems pretty useless.

Aye. Life certainly seems so lackluster when you consider it without love.

I'm all for love, really. Just a little cynical about marriage. I'm a little cynical about a lot of things, lately.

 

[Firebird2XC]

This, precisely, is the point, I think.

You're right - love and marriage ARE emotional, spiritual events. But after the last of the rice has been thrown and the cake has been eaten and the glow dies down, you have the day to day reality to work with. It's cliche'd to say that it takes work, but you have to realize that the work involved shouldn't feel like drudgery.

I agree. My point is this- you said that too many people get married for the wrong reasons? Understood and agreed with. I'm just proposing that you eliminate those reasons at the very beginning. Put it all out on the table and be done with it.

 

[killbilly]

I agree. My point is this- you said that too many people get married for the wrong reasons? Understood and agreed with. I'm just proposing that you eliminate those reasons at the very beginning. Put it all out on the table and be done with it.

That's the thing though - you can't really get them to get it out on the table.

Ask any couple 3 months before their wedding if they're getting married for the right reasons, and they will say, "sure!"

Ask them the day of the wedding, you'll get the same answer.

Ask them a year or three into it, and you're likely to get some different answers.

Part of the problem I see a lot of young couples having is unrealistic expectations of the marriage - and my first wife and I were guilty of that. At least we had an amicable divorce.

This is why I am a HUGE HUGE proponent of premarital counseling. I think it should be mandatory, actually.

 

[Firebird2XC]

That's the thing though - you can't really get them to get it out on the table.

Ask any couple 3 months before their wedding if they're getting married for the right reasons, and they will say, "sure!"

Ask them the day of the wedding, you'll get the same answer.

Ask them a year or three into it, and you're likely to get some different answers.

Part of the problem I see a lot of young couples having is unrealistic expectations of the marriage - and my first wife and I were guilty of that. At least we had an amicable divorce.

This is why I am a HUGE HUGE proponent of premarital counseling. I think it should be mandatory, actually.

If I can't come right out and talk about it with my prospective bride-to-be, I'm going to question her motives. Once I start doing that, I'm going to wonder if I can trust her. Ahh yes, the beginning of the end.

Starry-eyed, naive notions of love and romance don't always mesh well with the real world. If you can't talk about and really be honest with each other, there's not really much hope in the first place, eh?

Perhaps I expect too much of people, including myself. While nobody wants to be alone indefinitely, I'd take that over rationalizing an expression of weakness as a positive thing any day.

 

[killbilly]

If I can't come right out and talk about it with my prospective bride-to-be, I'm going to question her motives. Once I start doing that, I'm going to wonder if I can trust her. Ahh yes, the beginning of the end.

Starry-eyed, naive notions of love and romance don't always mesh well with the real world. If you can't talk about and really be honest with each other, there's not really much hope in the first place, eh?

Perhaps I expect too much of people, including myself. While nobody wants to be alone indefinitely, I'd take that over rationalizing an expression of weakness as a positive thing any day.

You're right - the more granular point I was trying to express (and should have) is that often people simply can't tell the difference between the image in their heads and reality. It requires an emotional maturity that a lot of people believe they have, and then find out later that they didn't. At least, that was my case. Couples who lack it, but develop it together, in my opinion, have the Right Stuff when it comes to marriage.

I may get married again someday, but, (and this is going to sound REALLY cynical) I prefer a spouse who has already been married before, also. There is something about being divorced that other divorced people understand, and I'd like to find a like-minded woman who learned from her mistakes just like I did. Make sense?

 

[Cessna414JJB]

You're right - the more granular point I was trying to express (and should have) is that often people simply can't tell the difference between the image in their heads and reality. It requires an emotional maturity that a lot of people believe they have, and then find out later that they didn't. At least, that was my case. Couples who lack it, but develop it together, in my opinion, have the Right Stuff when it comes to marriage.

I may get married again someday, but, (and this is going to sound REALLY cynical) I prefer a spouse who has already been married before, also. There is something about being divorced that other divorced people understand, and I'd like to find a like-minded woman who learned from her mistakes just like I did. Make sense?

Does not sound cynical at all.

 

[Firebird2XC]

You're right - the more granular point I was trying to express (and should have) is that often people simply can't tell the difference between the image in their heads and reality. It requires an emotional maturity that a lot of people believe they have, and then find out later that they didn't. At least, that was my case. Couples who lack it, but develop it together, in my opinion, have the Right Stuff when it comes to marriage.

I may get married again someday, but, (and this is going to sound REALLY cynical) I prefer a spouse who has already been married before, also. There is something about being divorced that other divorced people understand, and I'd like to find a like-minded woman who learned from her mistakes just like I did. Make sense?

Makes perfect sense. Anybody who's already been around the block know's what's-what. I'm down with that. Same circumstances, really.

 

[BigJetLilJet]

Well as some of you know i despiratley want to become an airline pilot. This weekend although i was in my cousins wedding. Having fun at the reception last night. Everyone drinking, (Getting a little drunk). And talking with a bunch of chicks with my cousins. Then today we had the gift opening. just a few hours ago we were all talking in the backyard about the honeymoon.

Anyways im just thinking to myself. When i whant to get married, I whant to be able to see my wife. You know? Well enough of that stuff to my question. As a pilot do relationships work out as well? Or do they turn out the same? Or worse where you end up getting a devorce? Let me know from your expirences or what you think! thanks!!

Married for 20 years and 17 have been flying. I know its time to go when she states, don't you have a trip to go on? After a trip its always good to be back and I'm assuming she is glad also. My only gripe is the honey to do list gets longer. I only like the last item on the list!

 

[Cessna414JJB]

Married for 20 years and 17 have been flying. I know its time to go when she states, don't you have a trip to go on? After a trip its always good to be back and I'm assuming she is glad also. My only gripe is the honey to do list gets longer. I only like the last item on the list!

Huh? Trash? Hmmm, you're a sick puppie... op:

 

[Old Dominion Flyer]

This is why I am a HUGE HUGE proponent of premarital counseling. I think it should be mandatory, actually.

Anyone care to comment on premarital counseling? At the moment, I'm enduring the guantlet of premarital counseling that is the Catholic church. I'm not Catholic myself, so it seems both thorough and intimidating at times. For the sake of comparison, what is premarital counseling like when it isn't affiliated with a church?

 

[killbilly]

Anyone care to comment on premarital counseling? At the moment, I'm enduring the guantlet of premarital counseling that is the Catholic church. I'm not Catholic myself, so it seems both thorough and intimidating at times. For the sake of comparison, what is premarital counseling like when it isn't affiliated with a church?

Depends on who's doing it. There are secular options among psychologists who specialize in couples. You can usually get referrals. We did do a very little bit of premarital counseling (should have done a LOT more) with a Psychologist who happens to also be a minister. However, we established pretty early on that we were not the religious sort, so he sorta kept it secular per our wishes.

 

[Cessna414JJB]

Anyone care to comment on premarital counseling? At the moment, I'm enduring the guantlet of premarital counseling that is the Catholic church. I'm not Catholic myself, so it seems both thorough and intimidating at times. For the sake of comparison, what is premarital counseling like when it isn't affiliated with a church?

It's sessions with a priest, trying to get you to think twice about the step you are going to take. Kind of like a good ADM session, where someone else can be a encouraging figure towards a healthy dose of habitual thinking and helping two young people to hammer out a mission statement for what is to come. However, I doubt highly that a Catholic Priest (I was raised Catholic) is capable to comprehend what is truly involved in marriage (or in any sort of relationship that exceeds masturbating) which is supposed to remain within the envelope of total spiritual and mental submission. They are outside of the envelope, looking in. 2000 year old religion against safer sex, screwing around and own mental development... I don't know. Youngsters must literally snooze off when this starts.

Good friends, parents or even grandparents know waaay more about you than you think and they can (given their sometimes long term marriages) in fact comment and tell you what it takes to make it work. Unfortunately it takes two, to take this advise serious and move beyond the usual clutter introduced by sex and money...