My daughter has a bully...

Goonie

Goonie

Never say die
So my 9 year old is scared to go to school because she is constantly being teased by some other girls.

I understand that kids tease each other and its part of growing up. I got teased all the time in school for being a little punk rock kid, back when being punk rock was not cool and the Football players ruled the schools. I usually just ended up fighting and getting my ass kicked most of the time. :)

But this is the first time I've had to deal with it as a parent. I want to tell her to be tough and don't take #### from anyone. I know that is probably bad advice but I don't want her to be scared all the time either....

My daughter wears a insulin pump and gets a lot of attention for it. The funny thing is that most of the attention is positive.

One of the girls told her today " I'm going to pull the pump off you so you will die"!!

The bad parent in me wants me to tell her to punch that little bitch in the face and then see what she says.

The good parent inside wants to tell her to ignore them, they are just jealous of all the attention you get.

Should she go to the teacher, or maybe I should go to the teacher. I know kids will be kids but thats a pretty serious threat. The last thing I want is for my daughter to depend on me to get her out of trouble all the time.

Advice??
 
that's a pretty serious threat - i'd say something to the teacher about it. If it was just the teasing then it's kind of a suck it up and ignore it sort of thing, but these kids need to realize that there is a line that can't be crossed and threatening someone is definitely across it.
 
i'd agree that's a pretty serious threat that should be brought up to the parents.... it's one thing to call your daughter names and that type of bullying (i got a lot of that too being the nerd and all)...but nobody ever said anything about wanting me to die and if they did, i bet my parents would have gotten someone involved.
 
Definately get teachers involved.


I'll drive down to Arlington and show those little 9 year olds who's boss. :rawk:
 
We had a bully issue for our daughter. She was terrified to go to school. I took the situation to the teacher and it wasn't near as big as your daughter has dealt with. That threat is large enough that you need to take it to the teacher. If the teacher doesn't do anything you need to go to the principal. A threat like that from one adult to another would NOT be tolerated, neither should it be tolerated between 9 year olds. The bully is old enough to know that is wrong. I am sorry you are dealing with that! I honestly understand the good mom/bad mom feelings. In your situation where it is LIFE threatening, I would be more tempted to be VERY bad mom and yell and scream at the girl myself :) I took the middle road on our situation and was happy in the end. Hope everything works out and keep us informed!
 
Have you guys been around 9-year olds lately?

Yes, it was a verbal threat. No, there's no reason to go running to the teacher about it. Kids that age say all kinds of extreme things because that's part of socialization. What was said doesn't even sound like what I would consider a "credible threat".

I have a kid with autism, and he is the butt of some absolutely savage mockery by his elementry school classmates. There are sometimes physical threats, too...but they have always just been threats. As much as it absolutely devastates me to hear about that, I know that for the rest of my life I'm not going to be able to hover over him and deflect such words. It's WAY more important for me to talk to him about it later and explain what is happening and what it all means. Getting involved on his behalf while it's happening means that he can't develop personal skills to cope with such issues -- that doesn't do him ANY favors for later on in life.

I know when I was a kid I heard similar stupid words from classmates. Children at that age are still trying to sort out social structures, how to relate to other kids, all sorts of personal feelings. This type of stuff is what comes out of it.

So, my advice is to let this issue with your daughter sort itself out. That's the natural way of things.

If it moves into some more physical territory, then that warrants intervention.

If anything, it is a GREAT opportunity to talk to your daughter about "sticks and stones", about jealousy, etc. It's also an important lesson about being self reliant, and not needing to go to a higher authority to sort things out if it isn't warranted.
 
Yeah I think I am just going to go straight to the principal on this one. The fact is it wouldn't do anything if she did rip her pump out because my daughter rips it out just playing around all the time. Its the intent of the threat that is scary tho....
 
Hacker15e said:
So, my advice is to let this issue with your daughter sort itself out. That's the natural way of things.

If it moves into some more physical territory, then that warrants intervention.

If anything, it is a GREAT opportunity to talk to your daughter about "sticks and stones", about jealousy, etc. It's also an important lesson about being self reliant, and not needing to go to a higher authority to sort things out if it isn't warranted.
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Good advice too....

I want my daughter to have a real thick skin but when she is crying in the car on the way to school it breaks my heart! It makes want to go drive my truck through their parents house! haha
 
ryanmickG said:
Good advice too....

I want my daughter to have a real thick skin but when she is crying in the car on the way to school it breaks my heart! It makes want to go drive my truck through their parents house! haha
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I feel that.

I don't want to come across like I'm heartless...I love my son more than anything, and to see him upset, scared, whatever just totally wrecks me.

I wish there were a way that I could protect him from that. Like you, I've wanted to go beat the snot out of some like punk-assed kids who pick on someone because they're different. I'm sure, though, that my dad felt the same way about me some times.

The fact is, if we raise our kids right they will eventually not need us at all as parents. My goal is to raise a son who can life an independent life, so he has to learn to handle the multitude of situations that life and society will hand him. Constant intervention on their behalf -- the so-called "helicopter parenting" -- does nothing to promote that self reliance.

Sad to hear that it's tough on your daughter. :(
 
Good on you for understanding your daughter's pain in this godawful realm we laughingly call childhood.

Make her understand that it's okay to stand up for herself, and that she will never, ever be punished for it.

Then, I suggest finding the parents of the offending child and having a blanket party. Call me. I'm available for such an event. I'm serious. Whether they know they need it or not. Nobody - I mean NOBODY - messes with the kid of a JCer.
 
Screw involving the school officials. Have an attorney contact the bully's parents and inform them that a civil suit will be filed forthwith if their child's misconduct doesn't stop.

Threats of detention or expulsion are meaningless. Threats of taking someone's house away, that will get their attention.
 
killbilly said:
Make her understand that it's okay to stand up for herself, and that she will never, ever be punished for it.

.
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Yeah, thats what my pop told me when I was growing up.

"If someone ever messes with you than punch them in the mouth as hard as you can. You might get your ass beat afterwards but everytime they taste their own blood in their mouth they will think of you the rest of their lives."

He was a Marine though.......:)
 
Hacker15e said:
The fact is, if we raise our kids right they will eventually not need us at all as parents. My goal is to raise a son who can life an independent life, so he has to learn to handle the multitude of situations that life and society will hand him. Constant intervention on their behalf -- the so-called "helicopter parenting" -- does nothing to promote that self reliance.

Sad to hear that it's tough on your daughter. :(
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Very true!

See, I want my daughter to be very self reliant! I want her to learn things in the future like when to change the oil in her car, or how much home and car repairs should cost. I don't want her to get taken advantage of.

I love my wife to death but evertime I go out of town I get calls like "My battery was dead so I had to get the car towed and they charged me $180 to replace it". :banghead:

When I get home my lawn is a foot high because she doesn't even know how to start a lawn mower. :)

She is a girly-girl! :D
 
ryanmickG said:
Yeah, thats what my pop told me when I was growing up.

"If someone ever messes with you than punch them in the mouth as hard as you can. You might get your ass beat afterwards but everytime they taste their own blood in their mouth they will think of you the rest of their lives."

He was a Marine though.......:)
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My parents weren't Marines and gave me the same advice. Sadly, I took quite a lot of teasing untill the 8th grade when I popped a kid in the mouth for trying to make me look like a fool.

My mother is a fifth grade teacher now and the stories she tells are amazing. I'm almost 25 and the difference between kids in the fifth grade when I was there and now are night and day.
 
If this were my child, I would go to the school principal about this as well as contact the bully's parents. I am all for teaching kids how to be self reliant, but as parents, it is our job to protect them as well when they are children.

I was picked on constantly throughout most of my childhood because I was a nerd, and tried to be nice to everybody. Most of the time my parents told me to just ignore it. In 8th grade I had two people call my house and make death threats against me. My parents intervened. The next day, both of those offending students were suspended from school and their parents also got visits from the local police department. They never bothered me again.

This type of bullying does not go away without some sort of intervention. Yes I know that kids will be kids, but no one should cross the line of threatening someone's life.
 
Take her to a brazilian jiu jitsu gym. Once she chokes one of them out..the others won't mess with her anymore....I see you are in the dfw metroplex there are a lot of gyms around here. Just kidding about physically hurting the other kids, but the Jiu Jitsu will give her confidence to stand up for herself. Once she shows that she isn't afraid, intimidated, or annoyed by the girls they will leave her alone. Went through the same thing with my little cousin...
 
ryanmickG said:
Yeah, thats what my pop told me when I was growing up.

"If someone ever messes with you than punch them in the mouth as hard as you can. You might get your ass beat afterwards but everytime they taste their own blood in their mouth they will think of you the rest of their lives."

He was a Marine though.......:)
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I wish my Dad had told me that.
 
I agree whole heartedly about the Gym referral. She'll gain strength, agility, new friends and most important of all- self confidence.
Her life will take a new direction and she can even take care of Mom while you're working!
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ryanmickG said:
So my 9 year old is scared to go to school because she is constantly being teased by some other girls.

I understand that kids tease each other and its part of growing up. I got teased all the time in school for being a little punk rock kid, back when being punk rock was not cool and the Football players ruled the schools. I usually just ended up fighting and getting my ass kicked most of the time. :)

But this is the first time I've had to deal with it as a parent. I want to tell her to be tough and don't take #### from anyone. I know that is probably bad advice but I don't want her to be scared all the time either....

My daughter wears a insulin pump and gets a lot of attention for it. The funny thing is that most of the attention is positive.

One of the girls told her today " I'm going to pull the pump off you so you will die"!!

The bad parent in me wants me to tell her to punch that little bitch in the face and then see what she says.

The good parent inside wants to tell her to ignore them, they are just jealous of all the attention you get.

Should she go to the teacher, or maybe I should go to the teacher. I know kids will be kids but thats a pretty serious threat. The last thing I want is for my daughter to depend on me to get her out of trouble all the time.

Advice??
Click to expand...

My daughter gets bullied a lot by kids in her own grade, but the older kids are really nice to her. Problem with Maggie is that kids her own age hate her. The bullying started with girls, and that didn't bother Maggie too much (she knows girls are flakes and mean). The girl-bullying has pretty much subsided, but now the boys are starting. It did indeed start to get physical, and I did the bad parent thing and told her to pop the guy in the nose the next time. I explained that he may hit her back even harder, but she shouldn't take crap if the teacher won't deal with it. Sure enough, she did it and the bullying tapered WAY back, with a complete loss of the physical nature and going back to slight namecalling which she can handle. Don't underestimate the whole hitting someone back thing. Not really a sensitive way to deal with things, but effective.

What brand of Insulin pump does your daughter wear? Medtronic? Glad she does well with it - God Bless her.
 
ryanmickG said:
Should she go to the teacher, or maybe I should go to the teacher. I know kids will be kids but thats a pretty serious threat. The last thing I want is for my daughter to depend on me to get her out of trouble all the time.

Advice??
Click to expand...

I wrote an article last year about bullying and talked to a couple of people, experts, I guess, whose first piece of advice is always to talk to the principal and/or teacher. They have to be made aware of it in order to help try to stop it.

If kids are afraid to go to the teacher, the parents should.

And then, of course, talk to the bullies' parents.

I'm trying to get my hands on the article so I can tell you about a few resources, but if you google "stop bullying" (or some variation) you'll find a lot of good stuff.
 
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