Rudabega
Well-Known Member
Me: "Bethel ground Ryan Air 503 reposition west ramp to north ramp with Alpha."
Ground must have misunderstood me as being a departure and said: "Ryan Air 503 the field is IFR, say intentions."
Me: "Bethel ground Ryan Air 503 would like special vfr to taxi from the west ramp to the north ramp, Alpha."
Ground was laughing as he cleared me.
Ground must have misunderstood me as being a departure and said: "Ryan Air 503 the field is IFR, say intentions."
Me: "Bethel ground Ryan Air 503 would like special vfr to taxi from the west ramp to the north ramp, Alpha."
Ground was laughing as he cleared me.
Bud01
Welcome to the Jungle.
Heading into KLAN one night,
"Lansing Approach SeminoleXXXX with you with the weather."
"SeminoleXXXX roger that you are number two for the field traffic you are following is 10 miles behind you and ERJ 145"
"Approach if they are behind us wont we be number one?"
"you are traveling 120 kts across the ground they are traveling 250 kts the Tortoise will not beat the hare in this race."
And dont know if this one is funny but one day I was having an electrical failure heading into Dupage Airport. I manage to get in a position report and that we were coming in and experiencing an electrical failure. He told us to report the fox river. As we came up to the fox. I tried to report but the battery finally died. I grabbed my cell and called the cab phone. When someone picked up i told them CessnaXXXX reporting over the fox complete electrical failure. The guy chuckled then said alright cleared to land But im going to give you light gun signals.
"Lansing Approach SeminoleXXXX with you with the weather."
"SeminoleXXXX roger that you are number two for the field traffic you are following is 10 miles behind you and ERJ 145"
"Approach if they are behind us wont we be number one?"
"you are traveling 120 kts across the ground they are traveling 250 kts the Tortoise will not beat the hare in this race."
And dont know if this one is funny but one day I was having an electrical failure heading into Dupage Airport. I manage to get in a position report and that we were coming in and experiencing an electrical failure. He told us to report the fox river. As we came up to the fox. I tried to report but the battery finally died. I grabbed my cell and called the cab phone. When someone picked up i told them CessnaXXXX reporting over the fox complete electrical failure. The guy chuckled then said alright cleared to land But im going to give you light gun signals.
mattc206
Well-Known Member
Landing at 6am (our hangar is just off echo)
Tower: 507, roll it out to the end, taxi echo into the hangar, monitor ground, no need to call, well dont taxi INTO the hangar on echo but you know what I mean.
(me) 507, roger that, echo to taxi beside the hangar, monitor ground, believe me if we taxied INTO the hangar we wouldn't be able to call you anyways, good day
Tower: (laughs) good point, have a good day.
Tower: 507, roll it out to the end, taxi echo into the hangar, monitor ground, no need to call, well dont taxi INTO the hangar on echo but you know what I mean.
(me) 507, roger that, echo to taxi beside the hangar, monitor ground, believe me if we taxied INTO the hangar we wouldn't be able to call you anyways, good day
Tower: (laughs) good point, have a good day.
mikeypat15
Well-Known Member
Approach to a VFR: Say position
Before the VFR can get a word in, my captain: Doggy-style
Before the VFR can get a word in, my captain: Doggy-style
Bandit_Driver
Gold Member
IAD Tower: airline 1234 do your engines always smoke like that? (aircraft has the old PW JT8D-9)
Pilot: I don't know I can't see them from the cockpit.
===========================
After several radio calls to and the pilots not getting it (English isn't their primary language)
IAD Ground: All aircraft hold your position Airline 1234. Airline 1234 taxi to the gate any way you can get there.
Airline 1234: royer
===========================
AZO Approach: Western 73 Turn right heading 200, intercept the localizer and maintain 3000 until established. Cleared for the ILS 23
Instrument Student Pilot: Ummm, Okaaaaayyy?
============================
Pilot: I don't know I can't see them from the cockpit.
===========================
After several radio calls to and the pilots not getting it (English isn't their primary language)
IAD Ground: All aircraft hold your position Airline 1234. Airline 1234 taxi to the gate any way you can get there.
Airline 1234: royer
===========================
AZO Approach: Western 73 Turn right heading 200, intercept the localizer and maintain 3000 until established. Cleared for the ILS 23
Instrument Student Pilot: Ummm, Okaaaaayyy?
============================
ASpilot2be
Qbicle seat warmer
Let me guess, King Air with jumpers off of Lodi?
Cheyenne
Well-Known Member
Tex... sigh...
One of our pilots and I were on the tundra the other day and I was calling ATT At-meow on the radio... like I always do
Then out of nowhere an era guy calls up 10 South of Russian Missionary
Vector4Food
This job would be easier without all the airplanes
British Airways 747 passing 1000' over a King Air...
Just before passing over:
"Be calm little one it will be over soon"
Just before passing over:
"Be calm little one it will be over soon"
Ajax
¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Tower: USAF XXXX,one plane departing prior to your arrival, Cessna 152. cleared to land RW 17
USAF: Cleared to land RW 17, gear down
Tower: Cessna 123 cleared for take off RW 17, traffic 11 mile final
Cessna: Cleared for takeoff RW 17. Gear down
===================================
Ground: Cessna 123 give way to the Bonanza on alpha
Cessna: Roger, stay out of the doctor's way
===================================
If you've been around the south lately you understand this drought is rough, so does ATC:
App: Eagle flight XXXX I'm showing an area of light to moderate precip about 14 miles south west of your location, you may have some passengers on board who may be young enough to have never seen rain before. Would you like vectors?
===================================
Tower: King Air XXX traffic 2 o'clock Cessna 152 in right downwind, he'll follow you, cleared to land 17
King Air: Cleared to land 17, simulated engine failure
Tower: Cessna 1234 number 2 following the King Air, cleared for the option 17
Cessna: #2 cleared for the option, I am also coming in on one engine
Tower: Keep it that way
USAF: Cleared to land RW 17, gear down
Tower: Cessna 123 cleared for take off RW 17, traffic 11 mile final
Cessna: Cleared for takeoff RW 17. Gear down
===================================
Ground: Cessna 123 give way to the Bonanza on alpha
Cessna: Roger, stay out of the doctor's way
===================================
If you've been around the south lately you understand this drought is rough, so does ATC:
App: Eagle flight XXXX I'm showing an area of light to moderate precip about 14 miles south west of your location, you may have some passengers on board who may be young enough to have never seen rain before. Would you like vectors?
===================================
Tower: King Air XXX traffic 2 o'clock Cessna 152 in right downwind, he'll follow you, cleared to land 17
King Air: Cleared to land 17, simulated engine failure
Tower: Cessna 1234 number 2 following the King Air, cleared for the option 17
Cessna: #2 cleared for the option, I am also coming in on one engine
Tower: Keep it that way
dustoff17
Still trying to reach the Top Shelf
Flying into Joplin, MO a several years ago I contacted the tower and reported ten miles NW inbound at 3,000'. A few minutes later a Bonanza reported 12 NW at 5,000' descending to 2,000'. The tower gave the appropriate traffic advisories to both of us. I'm looking over my left shoulder searching and started to descend (knowing that he was faster and coming in on top of me). I happened to look forward only to see him shoot past my nose from right to left at a distance of less than 1/2 mile.
ME: "Tower that traffic just passed right to left, my altitude. What was his initial reporting point?"
TOWER: "Bonanza XXX say again your initial reporting point"
BONANZA (indignant): "This is Bonanza XXX, I reported 12 miles to the Northwest descending. Oh, HeeHee. Ooopsy, I guess I was 12 to the SOUTHwest. Messed that one up, huh?"
TOWER (no delay, snapped back): "Say type Doctor"
TOTAL silence.............
As if that weren't funny enough, when I got to the ground I found out the guy was a dentist!!
ME: "Tower that traffic just passed right to left, my altitude. What was his initial reporting point?"
TOWER: "Bonanza XXX say again your initial reporting point"
BONANZA (indignant): "This is Bonanza XXX, I reported 12 miles to the Northwest descending. Oh, HeeHee. Ooopsy, I guess I was 12 to the SOUTHwest. Messed that one up, huh?"
TOWER (no delay, snapped back): "Say type Doctor"
TOTAL silence.............
As if that weren't funny enough, when I got to the ground I found out the guy was a dentist!!
Bernoulli Fan
Controller
Today, Pilatus climbing out of FL190 for FL240
Us: PilatusXX reaching FL240 cleared direct SNS direct MRY.
Pilatus: Cleared direct MRY!
Us: Negative.
We hear what we want to hear.
Us: PilatusXX reaching FL240 cleared direct SNS direct MRY.
Pilatus: Cleared direct MRY!
Us: Negative.
We hear what we want to hear.
Corporate Pilot
Well-Known Member
Arriving at KDAL late one night/early morning it took three tries to get the tower. Once he came up we recognized his voice and asked if he was sleeping, his reply was.
“No I was busy cleaning my gun and picking my feet”. This was a few days after this happened in KPBI.
[h=1]Florida Air-Traffic Controller Sleeps On The Job[/h]AP
MIAMI - The lone air-traffic controller at the Palm Beach Airport kicked off his shoes and fell asleep in the tower while apparently cleaning his pistol, forcing a jetliner to land without guidance, authorities say.
The pilot of the Delta Air Lines flight from Sacramento, Calif., circled the airport, unable to raise the tower, before safely landing with more than 40 people aboard April 29.
Fearing the controller was ill, sheriff's deputies obtained the access codes to the electronic lock on the tower door and found a shoeless Rodney Tatum apparently just waking up, Sgt. Bruce Barkdoll said.
“No I was busy cleaning my gun and picking my feet”. This was a few days after this happened in KPBI.
[h=1]Florida Air-Traffic Controller Sleeps On The Job[/h]AP
MIAMI - The lone air-traffic controller at the Palm Beach Airport kicked off his shoes and fell asleep in the tower while apparently cleaning his pistol, forcing a jetliner to land without guidance, authorities say.
The pilot of the Delta Air Lines flight from Sacramento, Calif., circled the airport, unable to raise the tower, before safely landing with more than 40 people aboard April 29.
Fearing the controller was ill, sheriff's deputies obtained the access codes to the electronic lock on the tower door and found a shoeless Rodney Tatum apparently just waking up, Sgt. Bruce Barkdoll said.
BrewMaster
Well-Known Member
Once while mapping in Boston, the approach controller and a Stinson driver were obviously friends. We were flying lines and us and another aircraft got MULTIPLE position reports of a "Pink Stinson" (much emphasis on pink) at our whatever'o'clock, then followed by a "meh!" every single time from the Stinson driver. Helped to make the morning go by faster.