Funniest thing you have heard over the radio?

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Skylane: SANTA FE TOWER, SKYLANE 12345 3 SOUTHWEST 7.3 WITH ALPHA FOR LANDING
TOWER: Uhhh roger, understand 5 southwest (outside of the D), report abeam the tower on a right downwind for 20.
Skylane: Uhhhhh we're actually....errr yeah, 5 southwest.
Tower: That's what I thought.
 
Here's another one.

SAF tower: Citation 15M 20 cleared option. (Keep in mind I'm in a 150 practicing power off 180s)

Me: cleared option citation 15M.

A little bit later.....

Saf: Skyhawk 12345 runway 20 cleared for takeoff, traffic on upwind is a cessna and he'll be in right traffic. Report 5 Southeast.

Skyhawk(a friend): What, no wake turbulence advisory? Cleared for takeoff 345.
 
Once during my training, over the practice area northwest of KOPF someone started broadcasting "Im On A Boat"- by The Lonely Island, for about 2 minutes over the practice area frequency (123.45 I think)

Reproaching female voice (after it was over): Cmon you guys, seriously.

It was funny because it was so random and unexpected, besides the song is kinda funny. But then it just got annoying, with everyone in the practice area not being able to call out their positions or intentions.
_____________________________________________________________________________________________

Pilot: Citation 1234 requesting take off clearance (Dont remember where).
Tower: Citation your IFR clearance is void.
Pilot: Ah, give me a min to sort it out with dispatch, then itll be the last you see of us.
Tower: Oh I sure hope not.
Pilot: Ha, good one.
 
On final just after being cleared to land about a month ago in Louisville, there was a Cessna behind us in the pattern..

"Tower: Cessna 123, your traffic is a Pilatus on a 1 mile final, caution wake turbulence, cleared to land."

Capt and I busted out laughing when we heard it haha
 
NJA_Capt said:
In a disgusted voice: Center....Can you name me a plane that can do .80 in a CLIMB?!?!?!
ARTCC: Say Again?
Ce650: Yea....tell me a plane that is able to do .80 in a climb.
Click to expand...

Oh heck, you can squeeze out .80 in a climb in a mad dog. 757/767? Not a problem at all.
 
Just the other day I heard this one from a female controller with a hawt voice:

"Skylane 1234, traffic 2 o'clock, descending through 6000, a banana. .....err bonanza"
 
Tower: Seneca 1234, traffic is a Super King Air left downwind, you will be following him.
Seneca: Traffic in sight, Super Seneca 1234.
Tower: I've been in your airplane, there is nothing super about it.
 
Harrison Ford in the pattern at SMO after just getting radio work done on his Beaver.

He was readable over the frequency but apparently was not recieving tower's transmissions, he then proceeded to have a stuck mic and had a few choice words for his newly installed/"repaired" radio over the frequency. Pretty funny stuff.
 
Not the funniest but amusing. Couple days ago flying the Corridor early morning, after transmitting my intentions and followed course reversal, a helicopter told where he is over certain area. I asked if he is white, he chuckled and responded :) Nice looking very bright machine indeed...
 
Eagle421flyer: Kansas City Center, Jetlink 5380 level at 350, how you doin'.
Kansas City Center: Roger at 350, doin' just fine, how about yourself?'
Eagle421flyer: Pretty good, headed over to Memphis to get some BBQ with my buddy here
Kansas City Center: Well Jetlink, I've got bad news for you, you're flying over the best BBQ in the country right now
Random Cactus pilot: Is he over North Carolina?
Random Continental pilot: No he has to be over Texas!
Eagle421flyer: Sorry guys, the best BBQ in this country is in Memphis!
Random Cactus pilot: Make him hold!
Kansas City Center: Did somebody ask for direct?
*10 seconds go by*
Random Southwest pilot: Well, if you're offering, Southwest 234 will take direct!
 
jtrain609 said:
Eagle421flyer: Kansas City Center, Jetlink 5380 level at 350, how you doin'.
Kansas City Center: Roger at 350, doin' just fine, how about yourself?'
Eagle421flyer: Pretty good, headed over to Memphis to get some BBQ with my buddy here
Kansas City Center: Well Jetlink, I've got bad news for you, you're flying over the best BBQ in the country right now
Random Cactus pilot: Is he over North Carolina?
Random Continental pilot: No he has to be over Texas!
Eagle421flyer: Sorry guys, the best BBQ in this country is in Memphis!
Random Cactus pilot: Make him hold!
Kansas City Center: Did somebody ask for direct?
*10 seconds go by*
Random Southwest pilot: Well, if you're offering, Southwest 234 will take direct!
Click to expand...

I lol'd.
 
Cptnchia said:
ATL APP was slowing an L1011 on final, when they were assigned 190kts, an old gruff voice barked, "Do you know the stall speed of this airplane? We're about to fall out of the sky."
The controller, (Buzz,) came right back with, "Delta XX heavy, report leaving all altitudes."
Click to expand...

Buzz was great. Sad day when he retired.
 
A few.

Flying into Ashville one night the winds were about 20 knots from the north, ILS 36 was down, so I was cleared for the NDB 36. While shooting the approach I heard a US Airways jet check in. Approach told them to hold at the Broad River NDB and expect the NDB 36 after an ATR called on the ground. There was silence. Approach asked if the US Airways copied. Their response:
"ummm... Yes sir. We thought you said hold at Broad River and expect the NDB 36?????"

Flying a departure out of ATL in a fully loaded ATR in the summer.
Approach: "Candler 1234 you must be new. The Atlanta departure calls for your maximum rate of climb"
Me: "Approach, Candler 1234, you must be new. This is a fully loaded ATR, it's August, the pax are pedaling as fast as they can. This is all she's got."

0 God 30 in the morning going into ATL. A DAL flight did not answer several calls. Buzz was on duty. An alarm clock goes off over frequency.
Buzz, in a sweet voice: "Delta 1234, Atlanta approach. This is your wakeup call. Waky waky. Time to get ready to land."

Not funny then, but funny now looking back on it. At 0600 in the morning, tired while flying by a Patriot missle battery.
Kuwait Air Defense: "Aircraft squawking 1233 this is Kuwaiti Air Defense on guard, identify yourself immediately or you will be fired upon."
After a few seconds.
Crew chief: "Ummm. Sir. Isn't that our squawk?"
Me: Holy crap. "Kuwait Air Defense this is Liberty 71 squawking 1234 please in the name of Allah don't shoot. We're on the SPINs!"
Crew chief: "Sir, I didn't know you were Muslim."
 
This actually happened a couple of days ago. A local kingair on right base to 29R, is given a warned about some bird circling midfield. To which he comes back, "Roger tower, switching to guns"
 
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