Funniest thing you have heard over the radio?

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Last week going into EWR. NY Approach couldn't pick up our Mode C, so we cycled it a few times...

ATC: "Maybe you need to turn it off and smack it a few times"
My CA: "Like my ex-Wife"
ATC: "Ouch, haha"
Another Pilot: "Obviously It didn't work"
 
Stuck mic on Cleveland center this past week, another guy talking about how he met a girl and they went back to his hotel room and she apparently tried to seduce him. Guard was absolutely hilarious, lots of commentary, including "Southwest is at it again" and a few "giggities" being thrown around

When the mic finally cleared a pilot checked in, was cleared direct to a fix but responded with "Direct xxx however I'd like to hear more about this girl"

Yesterday enroute to RKD, over guard we hear

Guard: "Aircraft squawking 1200, traveling 80 knots 25 miles north west of the MVY vortac, this is the united states air force, you have entered a restricted area, nearest exit xxx miles, proceed direct to the exit and contact the FAA immediately"

This call happened twice, until someone else finally chimed in

Unknown pilot: 'SHOOT HIM DOWN!!'
 
Not me, but a comment on Facebook by one of my old CFIs who now flies a Citation Bravo: "I was up @ 410 and the controllers were all saying- 'This is the first time we are complaining about the ride and all you guys are calling it smooth.'"
 
On guard yesterday:

Airliner 1234: "Cleveland Center, Airline 1234 FL340 how ya doin"
Airliner 1234: "Center, that was blocked"
Airliner 1234: "Center, yeah this is Airline 1234 FL340 smooooooth"
Other pilot:" Yeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrr on guarrrrrd"
Different pilot (Doug???) : "So arrrrrrrrreeeee youuuuuuu"
Other pilot: "We're all on guard"
Unknown pilot: "Who's on guard?"
Other pilot: "yerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr on guarrrrd"
 
canadian_atc said:
I gotta start leaving 123.45 and 121.5 dialed in more often
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It's hilarious and kind of sad actually how many people talk on guard that aren't using it for its intended purpose.

Gotta love the people who say "yerrrrrrrrr on guarrrrrrrrd" when someone is using the frequency in distress.
 
Some tower was doing the guard test they do in the morning..."Bla bla tower test 1 - 2 - 3 - 3 - 2 - 1 test out" immediately followed by a cacophony of "You're on guuuuuuuuuuuuarrrrrrrrrrrrd" by the Guard Nazis.
 
Roger said:
The home 'drome had extensive work done, including displacing the threshold of the ILS runway to accommodate a runway safety area, requiring moving the glideslope and approach lights. The work was done, but the approach lights were still NOTAMd OTS. They'd been on one day a few months back for testing, but not since. I was with a student in an aircraft that had ongoing problems with it's transponder, when this exchange occurred.
Ground: November three six llama unicorn, taxi to one eight via November, departure frequency one three three point one, squawk zero three one two
Student: taxi via november, departure 133.1, squawk 0312.
Me (on the radio): uh ground three six llama unicorn is negative transponder today.
Ground: Roger, when y'all gonna get that fixed?
Me: 'bout the same time y'all get the MALSR working.
Ground: ouch.
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I remember that
 
Landed 4R in ORD and going Delta, Bravo to the gate

On Bravo we get behind a Spirit bus moving very slow

ORD GND: EGF it looks like the Spirit pilot is an EX AA MD-80 pilot go around him on Alfa to the gate.
 
Gonzo said:
Landed 4R in ORD and going Delta, Bravo to the gate

On Bravo we get behind a Spirit bus moving very slow

ORD GND: EGF it looks like the Spirit pilot is an EX AA MD-80 pilot go around him on Alfa to the gate.
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Those guys do taxi slow, I think it's something aircraft specific though, but not 100% sure. It's always fun to watch a WN 73 pass an AA mad dog though.
 
A150K said:
Those guys do taxi slow, I think it's something aircraft specific though, but not 100% sure. It's always fun to watch a WN 73 pass an AA mad dog though.
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They sit closer to the ground which make them feel like they are going faster?
 
fholbert said:
They sit closer to the ground which make them feel like they are going faster?
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I think it has something to do with the brakes over heating. again, I really don't know what I'm talking about, just repeating what I've heard.
 
Heard today:

TWR: Cessna 1234 make left traffic.
1233: Was that for 233?
TWR: Sorry, I've got something the guy on before me wrote down, yes it was. 233 make left traffic.
233: OK, blame it on the other guy(in a tone that wasn't obvious joking, but he proably was). 233 left traffic.
TWR: I could do that or I could kick you out of my pattern (in a serious tone).
233:...ok.....


Later as he's leaving the pattern to head home:

TWR: Have a nice day and sorry if I gave you a hard time, I had something else going on and I was without humor.
233(not getting his humor sucks): No problem, though I was joking about trying to help you get that jet out, I could care less if some snot nosed hollywood brat wanted to get home.

TWR: Ok.....

233:You didn't need to hear that either

TWR: Before the jokes get any worse, freq change approved, have yourself a nice day.
 
Gonzo said:
Landed 4R in ORD and going Delta, Bravo to the gate

On Bravo we get behind a Spirit bus moving very slow

ORD GND: EGF it looks like the Spirit pilot is an EX AA MD-80 pilot go around him on Alfa to the gate.
Click to expand...
Reminds me of a time I was watching planes with a buddy in AUS. An AA Mad Dog lands, turns off the runway, and then turns a 3 minute taxi into about a 15 minute one. Southwest lands maybe 3 minutes behind him, exits, goes flying down the taxiway then slams on the brakes making the nose dip hard. Right around this time we hear this:

WN: American yeeer makin us late!
AA: Sorry pal, we're early.
WN: Ground, can ya do something?
AUS: Let's all be adults here, Southwest 123 take the next left and take the parallel taxiway to the ramp.
WN: He's the one in the way, we'll take (other taxiway) to the ramp for Southwest 123. Thanks buddy.
AUS: Guess ya don't get out to Texas much sir.

Whats the deal with that MD-80 taxi speed tho? Union drama?
 
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