Childless Couples by choice?

I think everyone knows by now how important my children and grandchildren are to me and how much I love kids. But many people, for a variety of reasons do not feel this way and there is nothing at all wrong with that, IMO. Kids are a huge responsibility, a ton of work, take a large chunk of time out of your life, are financially expensive and do demand a lot of physical, emotional and mental needs from their parents. If you want to be a parent, you don't really mind any of this most of the time, but you certainly are aware of it. Nothing comes to us in life without the consequences and a price. One has to decided if it is worth it to them or not.

I would rather someone know and be sure that they simply are not cut out for the role of being a parent and have no interest whatsoever in being a parent- not have kids than have them because their spouse wants them or they think it's the thing to do and are pressured into it, than regret having children and make their lives and the child's life miserable. Some people just know that they want to have kids and some people know that they don't. I don't see what the big deal is, in truth. Some people start out not wanting kids and later in life changing their minds. That is okay too if you can work it out with your spouse.

Most of my friends have children and grandchildren, but not all of them, and their lives are just as fulfilling for them. No one else can make that sort of decision for you, it's just too personal, and depends on so many factors. My current wife never wanted children. I perhaps may have wanted to have one with her, but after understanding why and listening to her and understanding her feelings, I was fine with it. It was not a deal breaker for me. She loves my kids and grandkids and enjoys the heck out of them so it's fine really.

Just live your life, do what you want to do, what is right for you and be happy. Life is short enough and full of real crap to contend with as it is.
 
My wife and I are unable to have children safely. We are constantly being asked why we don't have kids after 4 years of marriage. It's not a matter of fertility but the risks involved. The odds of a healthy pregnancy and baby are not in our favor.




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jeflies said:
My wife and I are unable to have children safely. We are constantly being asked why we don't have kids after 4 years of marriage. It's not a matter of fertility but the risks involved. The odds of a healthy pregnancy and baby are not in our favor.

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I've just been telling people to look up NOYB on urban dictionary or if I really don't like you to look up the popular variant including this extra letter: F.
 
jeflies said:
My wife and I are unable to have children safely. We are constantly being asked why we don't have kids after 4 years of marriage. It's not a matter of fertility but the risks involved. The odds of a healthy pregnancy and baby are not in our favor.
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You don't say whether or not this is something you want, and that's your business. I personally would find it kind of insensitive for people to ask that question. They likely mean well, but they likely aren't considering that there may be a good reason.

My wife and I are pushing 40 at this point, and no one asks us this. Maybe we just seem too old to have kids? I dunno. But if someone asked me "why don't you have kids?" I'd probably just reply, "Why don't you have cats?"

Either that, or I'd mutter something about having to register at the Sherriff's office. Depends on whether or not I like these people. :)
 
I get asked all the time. I think it's just people trying to make small talk because it's like you spend two to three hours in a dark closet over the middle of the ocean, and then we switch around another couple times.

People ask "how come?" a little too often. It was by choice, but I'm thinking of making up some outrageous story just to self-entertain.:

"Oh yeah, we had one, named it Damian and it said something that sounded like playing a Beatles album backwards and disappeared in a cloud of fire and smoke in the deli aisle at Wal Mart. Never doing THAT again, I'll bet Jesus is pissed."
 
I don't really mind the "why?" (But I'm sure I would if I wanted kids and we couldn't have them, so the only reason I don't mind is because I'm not at all pained by the circumstances.) Like Doug, I think people are just curious. I can't tell you how many times I've wanted to ask "why?" when someone says "I can't wait to have kids." And not because I want to be a jackass, but because I'm genuinely curious about what parts they're looking forward to, or why they want them. I actually think the reasons people want kids are just as varied and interesting as the reasons people don't.
 
Having been adopted myself I still would encourage someone wanting to have children, but being either medically improbable or it being just too risky to take a solid look at adoption.
 
My wife and I made the choice to not have kids. We are both over 40 now so a pregnancy could be difficult, and the chances of having a child with some sort of impairment increase. My brother has 2 kids and my wifes sister has 1, just helping them is enough for us. Plus I'm looking to buy an RV-4, which I'm sure wouldn't be an option if we had children. We aren't alone either, a friend of 25+ years and his wife feel the same way.
 
Derg said:
...
"Oh yeah, we had one, named it Damian and it said something that sounded like playing a Beatles album backwards and disappeared in a cloud of fire and smoke in the deli aisle at Wal Mart. Never doing THAT again, I'll bet Jesus is pissed."
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Überlike!
 
I have flown with quite a lot of captains who do not have any children at my airline. I have never felt the need to ask why probably because I think that is getting way too personal. The decision to have or not to have rests on the couple and should not be interfered with what society considers to be the norm. Turn on the news on any given day and I feel that there are way too many people out there that should never had any children.

I have four kids and just as many on here, cannot imagine a life without my children. My wife and I have also thought about adopting later on if we are able to financially. Either way, these are important decisions left best to those whose lives it would affect.
 
To chime in from the opposite end of the spectrum like a few others have, having kids is not for everyone and I really respect that. My daughter is my pride and joy, and we're expecting number 2 in November, but the sacrifices I've had to make at that expense are huge. I wouldn't change any decisions we've made, but I do realize they come at a cost. The small bastion of single guy'ness left in me is jealous when I see other members on this site doing amazing stuff. If I were single and childless I'd still be in the Army and flying UH-60's by now.

I think everyone gets to a point in their life where they're mature enough to decide what they want. I wanted kids, but that's not for everyone. I think it's pretty respectable to know that and not feel pressured into such a monumental lifestyle change. (3 am bottles & croup are not for the faint of heart.) On the other hand, I look at my 4 year old realize how awesome my life is...but again, it's not for everyone.
 
Think there is anyone in the world that regrets having kids (but obviously can't admit that) - and I'm not talking about the deadbeats.
 
JoeBe55 said:
Think there is anyone in the world that regrets having kids (but obviously can't admit that) - and I'm not talking about the deadbeats.
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I think there are many. Probably those who never wanted them but felt pressured to have them.

Here's one example:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...ildren-biggest-regret-life.html#ixzz2PuPJefdS

I was 22 when I had Stuart, who was a placid and biddable baby. So, no, my feelings were not sparked by tiredness, nor by post-natal depression or even a passing spell of baby blues.
Quite simply, I had always hated the idea of motherhood. In that instant, any lingering hope that becoming a mum would cure me of my antipathy was dispelled.
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Also, interesting Reddit conversation here about regret (many of the people responding to "do any of you regret having children?" are fathers): http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/rep5i/parents_of_reddit_do_any_of_you_regret_having/
 
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