X-Forces
Big Black Guy
The comment you're responding to was out of line, but I have to say - it does go both ways. (I say that as a non-child-haver who has been told manaymanymany times by child-havers that having children is the best thing in the world and "You'll change your mind someday!" There are always people who think their way is the best way for them, so it must be the best way for everyone. Eh - whaddya gonna do?)
Oh I agree with this 1000%, and I am by no stretch of the imagination a “You’ve got to have a baby” advocate, trust me.
I was 34 when I had my first, and up until that point I was convinced I was never going to have any, and I never really wanted any either. I used to preach every reason for not having kids that you can think of, and at the same time I had parents counter-preaching to me that having kids was a must do.
I have come to some personal conclusions. Most of the reasons people try to sell you, and themselves, for having kids, and for not having kids, are LAME!
If you want kids your only reason should be “I love kids and want a family,” period. I hear so many other reasons that are so far out in left field that sometimes I have to laugh.
“I want someone to love, and to love me”
By a dog! It will be a lot cheaper, less stress, and if you change your mind you can always give it back.
“What if everyone decided not to reproduce, we would die out as a species”
We’ve got China and India, the human race will continue without your meager contribution.
“My child might discover a cure for cancer, walk on Mars, or be president”
He or she might also be the next Adolf Hitler or Charles Manson, just a roll of the dice really.
If having a family is not for you I think it should be a simple as “I really don’t want to raise a family.”
And yet we still get….
“I love my wife/husband so much, I don’t want anything or anyone to come between us”
If that is your reason for not having kids there is already something that has come between you.
“I love to travel, you just can’t do that once you have kids”
Last time I checked my kids move! My son had been to 7 countries on three continents before the age of three. If you like to travel kids won’t stop you.
“I don’t think I’ll make a good parent”
And you think anyone parent thought they would beforehand? Please.
“We can’t afford to have kid, they cost so much”
Maybe, maybe not, but I have never seen kids drive rich people into the poor house, or make a broke person rich. My point, if you are let’s say middle class without kids odds are you will be middle class with kids. You start to do different things with your cash, you spend more on kids and less on other things, but I know personally (and the same with many parents I have spoken to) you don’t really feel it as much as you would have thought.
Now I am well aware that all too often it is insecurity that leads people to rattle off all of their reason for having kids, or not having kids. More often they are trying to convince themselves more than they are trying to convince anyone else that their decision is the right one.
However, there are times where people feel the need to go into elaborate detail about why they want or don’t want because their peers browbeat such explanations out of them rather than excepting simple ones.
This is what you are referring to, and I don’t agree with the practice, but like you said “What do you do?”