Do you know what the term "mimetic desire" means? Something I try to tell all people (pilots or otherwise) is that you need to figure out what you *actually* want, not what other people that you admire want.
I am familiar! it has a partner, which is a desire for identity that is fulfilled by society. That is, "tell me what I am to be; give me an exemplar, O my kin, after which I shall model myself."
This is addressed to you specifically (and this is something that I had to wrangle with for a long time during my flying career) that you might not actually *want* to be a pilot at Mainline?
It's complicated, especially when you consider that one can actually choose one's wants at times. Sometimes you don't know what you want until you try it. But it's a valid question that everyone should ask themselves.
Like, you don't like what you're doing now - you like the flying of course (who doesn't, flying is awesome), but the schedule, the company, everything else is killing you.
It's mostly the schedule. It's relentless, it's grueling. Today was an 18hr day, rife with mechanical delays, weather, flow and so on. And honestly, I'm hitting the point where I'm so burned out that the thought of going on a trip anywhere is unpleasant. Two days are ok, but three or four days? I don't want to be away from home that long. But then locals mean 14 hour days with min rest (10hrs from brake set to kcm beep), four or five days in a row. I've had better schedules here, but they're getting worse for almost everybody. (Except the mysterious people who somehow have a deal where they get summers off to crop dust or fly airshows . . . )
Personally, I'm very burnt out. I have to claw and fight and bite to have any life at all, at the expense of what is certain to be major medical issues in the future from lack of rest. (Not just sleep, but rest). I want trees around me, and cold, crisp air, and the sea. I want hockey to play, coffee to sip, and time to finish writing all the books in my series.
I would love to travel again. Not as work, but for any other reason (except commuting). Anyway, I digress.
So you think, "there's all these amazing people off at BRAND X doing amazing things! I like those people, they're awesome, they look happy, and comfortable, and fulfilled! Are you certain that you would actually be happy if you got on at one of the "real job" shops? It reads like, "If *I* got the brass ring *I too* would be happy!" And I'm not saying you wouldn't to be clear nor am I trying to say that this is how you are, and this isn't judgment of any kind, but there are other options out there. Naturally you can't have it all and there's going to be tradeoffs, but with who you are would you even be happy other than the obvious monetary benefits?
I'm not driven by success. I just want to work less. Ideally a lot less. If I could do the job I'm doing right now, except work about 1/3 as much as I'm working, I'd be happy. As it is, I can't travel, take vacations, get any meaningful breaks, get doctors appointments, do the critical life things that maintain my health like playing and reffing hockey, and so on. My next two books have been stalled for years because I haven't had time to sit down and finish the edits in a single pass. Almost done, but that's still a long time.
I don't care about money. I just want enough to survive. Ideally have a house, or at least a little cabin in the woods with my mates.
I'm good at what I do. I love being an airline pilot, especially in the left seat. I love taking care of my crews, and passengers. I enjoy being able to deal with a maintenance issue, handle a passenger disturbance, and still get off the gate early; manage the flow of things to handle a complex taxi in ORD to the CDF, and wrangle a bunch of non-standard events into a standard, safe flow. Expanding the team, making sure that everybody has input—or at least insight—and coordinating with all parties to make giant clustered messes into smooth, on-time sailing. I love handflying from 20,000 with no autopilot, autothrottles or flight director to a smooth landing. It's all gravy. But I've got almost 5,000 hours in the 175. I'd love to fly other airplanes, other operations.
But to your question, what is it to be a BRAND X pilot? is it better pay, more time off, more quality of life? That's what's on the brochure. Fewer days with a bunch of legs, "a check that matches the paint." That's the dream, right?
In this case, I don't think I'm modeling people's lives so much as I am taking their word for it that things are night and day better at the majors.
Anyway, worth thinking about things like mimetic desire.
It definitely is. I don't think it's the case for me. I never considered being an airline pilot particularly glamorous. I fell in love with TaleSpin, and the thought of being a tanker pilot. Even being a float pilot in Alaska. (My intro to Alaska flying was riding with a friend of mine for a week who was a pilot at Taquan in K-town when I visited him) Flying in Juneau was amazing, although I wasn't a fan of the level of risk we took flying on the bad days. But I had actually gotten into a rhythm by the end of my first winter. And time off in the winter was basically however long you wanted. But then the idiots running SeaPort decided to gut our dispatch and start sending inexperienced lower 48 pilots up in the summer, and things got wild (in a bad way), followed by an entirely predictable fatal accident.
But in the meanwhile, being in CASS and KCM for a few years, along with being on here, gave me an insight into the airlines that I hadn't had before, and I realized that it actually looked really fun. It became my dream job to fly for Alaska Airlines, although I wasn't sure I'd ever get there.
And I didn't.
But as time has gone on, my desires have changed a bit. After finding two amazing people to spend my life with, I just don't have the same willingness to be on the road all the time. And as that's happened, schedules have gotten worse and worse at my shop.
a kid who was a ramper in highschool there is now about to take his PIC checkride after working his way up.
Honestly, that's about all I've got, myself. The only real impact I've made is on the union drive and mentoring all the FOs I flew with.
Plus, hopefully, giving anyone who walked on or off the airplane a role model for a "successful" trans person. But even then, I don't think I've really made a difference anywhere.
So treasure that.
what truly makes you happy?
Flying. Moving fast. Protecting and helping people. Being good at what I do. Playing hockey, reffing hockey, sitting in a nook, writing, while the rain falls outside.
Exploring. Hiking. Sailing.
Being free.
What makes you happy in your work? Those things aren't going to necessarily be the same thing...
Indeed.