Yer on guard!

statusseeker1

statusseeker1

Well-Known Member
Overheard a GA aircraft declare an emergency on 121.5 today. Not one, not two, but three people immediately jumped down his throat- "this is an emergency frequency! You're on guard! Check your freq!" Are some people so conditioned to be guard police they have lost touch with the point of monitoring guard? Think twice before keying up!
 
This week on guard was out of hand. I flew around most of the time with it turned down because so many people were instigating the nazis on there and then throw out the "settle down captain happy" which is funny a few times but after four days of that foolishness I got tired of it. I guess they were just on edge. I have yet to actually fly with a guard nazi but so help me if I ever do I will ridicule him until we land.
 
Compared to the rubbish we get on the practice frequency, I'd rather tune in an am radio station, you'd be more likely to fire off a call-in....
 
statusseeker1 said:
Overheard a GA aircraft declare an emergency on 121.5 today. Not one, not two, but three people immediately jumped down his throat- "this is an emergency frequency! You're on guard! Check your freq!" Are some people so conditioned to be guard police they have lost touch with the point of monitoring guard? Think twice before keying up!
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So there's an actual emergency aircraft talking on Guard, as the frequency is intended for, and the stupid nazis are still raising hell about it?

Someone needs an ass kicking down the ramp......
 
This exact thing happened to me about a year ago. Coming up the east coast in cruise, and we heard a guy in a Cessna declare, saying he had lost his engine and was going to put down in a field. Myself and an American crew got his numbers and tried to relay all his info to ATC, the only problem is that we had a couple guard cops yelling "check your freq!! On guarrrrrrrrrrrrrrddd!". Before I even had a chance to say anything luckily other guys chimed in and told them to shut up.
 
Stupid people make the world entertaining.

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Even with all the nonsense that takes place, i'll always monitor guard whenever possible. Saved my skin a couple times with missed frequency changes. Worth it's wait in gold if for that alone. Well…And the shenanigans =)
 
This week did have more shenanigans than usual. People making Chewy impressions, to "I don't like your attitude". I always try to listen whenever it's practical.
 
I don't get it. The guys yelling are just yelling for fun or are they actually saying don't use 121.5 for anything but....what, ELT locator beacons?
 
A few foreigners working in Afghanistan seem to use it as a chat frequency. Crews just tend to ignore them to listen for actual 121.5 calls / missed freq calls. Seems to work itself out fine without the yer on gaaaard call outs.
 
moxiepilot said:
A few foreigners working in Afghanistan seem to use it as a chat frequency. Crews just tend to ignore them to listen for actual 121.5 calls / missed freq calls. Seems to work itself out fine without the yer on gaaaard call outs.
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Also fun is Pyramid every 12 seconds calling for 20 minutes to reach somebody on guard.... Only to find out they switched to final controller going into KAF.
 
Always a fun one around the UK where the D&D cell (Air Force function who monitor guard) actively ask PPLs to call up and practice PANs so they can test using their DF fix. Generally your student calling up gets a barrage from the guard police. If it's particularly bad the RAF tend to get a fix on whichever bored airliner is doing it and call them by name to point out their error. Always fun for a few minutes.

Yesterday some uppity guy got on guard over Holland and said "your CVR will show how unprofessional you are when you crash"
 
Joshwa said:
Yesterday some uppity guy got on guard over Holland and said "your CVR will show how unprofessional you are when you crash"
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That right there is hilarious.

State side, it is a shame when people aren't cognizant of an actual emergency when they are trying to police the frequency.
 
Roger Roger said:
I think @Boris Badenov has an awesome guard nazi story from his Freight Puppy days.
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I don't know how awesome it is, but it's certainly germane. The short version is that I'd been at FLX for all of a month and, being a dumbass, took off because, hey, everyone else did! Some VOR or another was out, and since I was /A (yes, a real thing), I had to take a different route. Which led to me missing a switch when I suddenly found myself in embedded level 4s, pooping my Pampers and making deals with God. So, I can't really hold the enroute still enough to read any frequency, and figure the only way to get back with center and hopefully get a vector out of this hell is to call up on Guard...

Yeah. "YER ON GUARD!"

To paraphrase the immortal words of John McClane "No fornicating poop, lady, do I sound like I'm ordering a pizza!?"
 
If you guys think guard is bad, when I was in the Navy, out in the Middle East Channel 16 (the marine equivalent) was just utterly insane. Mainly full of Indians and Filipinos winding each other up in incredibly racist and unpleasant ways. Some people would be on there just going "Filipino mooonkeeeey" until they got a bite on the radio and started arguing. The best version I heard (which is NOT family friendly) was "Filipino moonkeey - I cannot see you, but I can smell you..."

The guy came back with "you cannot see me because I am in your mamma's poo-seee"
 
Two guard stories:

First one - I was flying around Central CA a couple years ago, enroute to SFO. A student pilot was transmitting on guard, lost and with a dying electrical system. Dumbass guard nazi pipes in with "Yer on Guard!" I tell dumbass to shut his yap (politely), and I was able to get the student back in touch with a local approach controller.

Second story - The one and only time I was flying with a guard nazi... The real deal, with itchy trigger finger just HOVERING over the PTT, at the ready to tear into all who dared transmit an errant in range call. I'm flying, and we get within range of our destination. Defender of the airwaves says he's off to ops (we're both monitoring 121.5 on #2), and proceeds to make an unusually long winded call to ops - without actually switching to ops. Yep, his wordy spiel was TX on guard. Karma, so rarely known in my presence, came through beautifully as every guard nazi on the west coast blasted this guy. I was laughing my ass off, while he desperately fumbled the RTU to make the lashings stop. It was awesome.
 
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