Thinking About Getting Back Into Flying.......

Joe Gremlin said:
So any person who is unaware of the exact risks associated with flying and is also unaware of the procedures used to manage those risks and is therefore concerned when a loved one goes flying is a person who needs therapy?

Flying kills people. I think its reasonable for someone who doesn't know anything about aviaition to be nervous when someone they love does it. Maybe I missed something, but I don't think he ever suggested that her fears were anything more than that. And I think suggesting therapy as the best solution is a bit extreme.
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I_money said:
My fiance (85 days till wife) has pteromerhanophobia, and although she will never say 'you can't' I know she will fret anytime I go flying. This has rubbed off on me
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This is a little more involved then saying she is just unaware of the risks and procedures. This statement means she is deathly afraid and will have panic attacks, vomiting, etc. If not then that term should've never been used. And yes, when the person is affected to that level then they do need some therapy to resolve the issue. This is not some hesitancy to get on a plane, it is genuine fear. Again, he said this has rubbed off on him so she needs to resolve her issue before he can move on with his. What would be a better solution?
 
I have been flying for some years now. Ever since I started my wife has hated flying unless it was on a commercial aircraft (she still doesn't like those either), but through the years she has relaxed enough to where she lives with it because it is what makes me happy. She is still worried about my flying but just lives with it. I would not be a complete person unless I could/can fly. That is very serious for me.
 
I Money,

My case is a little different than yours but in some ways it has some similarities.

I started flying back in the seventies because I wanted to earn a living doing what I enjoyed doing. This is what I do and I enjoy it. I can't find anything else that does it for me.

I married a girl that hadn't flown much except for a couple of times on the airlines. My kind of flying is different than airline flying and she was a little concerned and rightfully so. But, she understood that this is what I do and she was happy that I enjoyed my vocation.

The very first season after we were married, I went out one morning and hit a tree with the right wing. It severed about four feet off, and was quite an exciting ride back to the airstrip. She stopped by the airstrip on her way to work and saw the damage, and it was rather ugly. I could tell that she was inwardly upset and I did my best to calm her. A few months after this, I got her to climb in the plane with me and she went on a few loads with me so I could show her just exactly what it was that I did and how I did it. I had previously explained to her the tree thing and she was once again confident in my abilities.

The very next year, a loved one was killed one afternoon in a crash at my place. This shook both of us to the core. I climbed back in a couple of days later and went back to work with a very broken heart. I was in a bad way for the rest of the season. I really shouldnt have flown but I did. The rest of the year I talked about selling the business and quitting. I never heard her say one time that she wanted me out of the plane. She just would say something along the lines of, "If it still makes you happy, then she was behind me and just be careful."

I sold the business, and after I sold, she told me how glad that she was that I was out of the ag plane. I said, "why did you never tell me that before" and she told me that it had to be my decision.

For several years, I didn't fly. I really didn't think I would ever fly again. Then one day a friend took me with him on a trip in his Baron, and the bug started coming back. I rode along with several friends and even snuck in some ag flying. This is where I am supposed to say something like, " I was going to fly and no woman was going to tell me I couldnt" but it was a lot deeper than that. I was actually worried about what she would say because in her relatively short "aviation career" she had experienced some pretty bad stuff and I really value her opinion.

I started dropping hints about wanting to get back in to ag flying and I really thought that the poop would hit the fan, but you know what she told me? "If flying is what you want to do, go for it". I about jumped out of my shoes. I said, " I thought you didnt want me back in the plane" to which she said," When you made the decision to quit, I was glad because you were in no condition to be flying, Now, I can see that you have healed enough to fly and I see the gleam back in your eyes when talking about flying."

I'm going back to flying and am really excited about it. I'm more excited about the fact that she's onboard with me.

I really don't know what to tell you about your particular situation, just wanted to share with you my story about getting back into flying.

I really wish you the best of luck.
 
t-cart said:
I really don't know what to tell you about your particular situation, just wanted to share with you my story about getting back into flying.
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Thanks for your story but although she is fine with you going and will let you if that is what you want to do - do you still think she will be nervous? Do you think she will just get more used to it and it will go away? Do you think it you wrecked she would be able to move on with her life or not forgive herself for letting you go?

My SO has sad go flying and I know she actually means because it is something I want to do but I don't want to do something that I think will make her nervous.

Thanks again.
 
I_Money said:
Thanks for your story but although she is fine with you going and will let you if that is what you want to do - do you still think she will be nervous? Do you think she will just get more used to it and it will go away? Do you think it you wrecked she would be able to move on with her life or not forgive herself for letting you go?

My SO has sad go flying and I know she actually means because it is something I want to do but I don't want to do something that I think will make her nervous.

Thanks again.
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You raise good questions and I'll do my best to answer them from my gut.
Yes, I think that she is nervous about me flying, but I'm also nervous about her and my eight year old driving on the freeway to work and school. I think she will get more used to it, but I really don't think it ever goes totally away. Anybody that loves someone else is naturally going to be concerned about their safety.

This next one is a tough one but this is how I see it. If I die in the plane tomorrow, it will be the hardest thing she has ever been through, including the above mentioned accident. We have had serious heart to heart"s about this since then. She knows the risks and I know the risks. I am fifty years old and tried retirement and hated it. I have to do something and this is the only thing that I know how to do and that I am good enough at to make a good living. I think and hope that she could move on with her life if this happened. Like I said above, she told me that if this is what makes me happy (and it does) then she is all for it. Would she feel guilty? Probably, but I think guilt feelings are probably normal for anybody when something like this happens. But, I also know that she is a very strong person and after a normal grieving time she would bounce back and be OK. I'm really hoping we don't have to find out.:)

Like I said at the front of the other post, Our situations are different, but they have some common threads. I just wanted to show you how it has played out in our situation after going through what we went through. Talk it over with her. Maybe she could go with you and your instructor. Keep her involved.

I'm pulling for you 100% either way that you go here and wish ya'll the best.
 
Thanks for your reply - I think I will go on a trail flight with the glider, maybe sign Dani up for one too and then go from there.
 
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