The Most Embarrassing Private Jet Flight of All times

SteveC said:
Outflow valves located on the forward pressure vessel bulkhead are the pits. One of the few things that suck on the Lear 45.
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I've had to put on my mask before. A politician that shall remake nameless decided to "hot box" the 45 for about two hours of a two and a half hour leg. He was older, which made it much worse. It was violent.

I on the other hand have thanked god I was in a modern Lear and not the old "pull the curtain and do your business in front of the the whole world" style Lear toilets. We were climbing out of SUN and I became unusually hungry. So I dove head first into my catered turkey sandwich. Feeling full we cruise on down the road. Around Chicago it hit, hard. I think I got unstrapped, out of my seat and into the lav all in one motion. As I went by I noded politely to our pax, luckily it was just her, her "manny" and young kids. As I emerged pale and looking like death, all I could muster was an "I'm sorry". I get back to my seat feeling slightly relieved. Then about 20 mins later, "your airplane", and round two commenced just as fast as the first. Finially, it was over. As I walk back to the front, trying not to make eye contact, the passenger reached out and held my my arm and said "it's ok, I've got young kids, I'm used to the smell". Yeah. Embarrassing is an understatement. At least the walk of shame at a regional involves 50 strangers, not people you have to see over and over again. :)
 
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A buddy of mine was flying a guy in a light twin one day when the guy notified him of the impending issue with his gastrointestinal tract. They were over the mountains and there was no place to land. The only thing he could use was the plastic luggage crates in the back. So this is what he did. The only thing available for him to wipe with was my buddy's approach plates. So this is what he used. My buddy then had the great idea to open the window to air out the putrid stench, which then caused the air to circulate in a mini vortex in the cabin. So here he was flying along, with crap covered approach plates swirling around the cabin, landing in his lap. I'm sure he had fun cleaning up after that flight. He said he received a sizable tip from the guy.
 
troopernflight said:
A buddy of mine was flying a guy in a light twin one day when the guy notified him of the impending issue with his gastrointestinal tract. They were over the mountains and there was no place to land. The only thing he could use was the plastic luggage crates in the back. So this is what he did. The only thing available for him to wipe with was my buddy's approach plates. So this is what he used. My buddy then had the great idea to open the window to air out the putrid stench, which then caused the air to circulate in a mini vortex in the cabin. So here he was flying along, with crap covered approach plates swirling around the cabin, landing in his lap. I'm sure he had fun cleaning up after that flight. He said he received a sizable tip from the guy.
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I was really hoping you said that the weather turned for crap and he had to use the plates, muchos pun intended.
 
I had a similar experience over the summer... A friend of mine and also a student of mine has a family that owns a lance. They wanted to take a day trip to Chicago and had me ride along since my student is young and had just gotten his private a few months back. We had all grilled out the night before and they son who would be flying decided to make some Walmart brand chipoltle burgers, he was the only one who ate those.. Mixed with a glass of scotch or so. Anyways, probably twenty minutes after we took off from Omaha the gas began. It was such a terrible smell, he had the rest of us gagging from it. So that happens a few more times, and we level off at around 11,000 feet. Over DSM is when he told me we needed to land.... Right now. He gives me the controls and we divert, and tell ATC it's for the bathroom. I could tell he was in horrible pain all the way down and kept urging me to go faster... We land, and I taxi as fast as that thing will go. He scurries out and sprints into Signature. I wait in the lobby for twenty minutes or so and decide to go give him some crap. I walk in and he's standing in his high socks, washing his pants in the FBO sink... It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. There had been multiple guys going in and out of there while he was doing his nasty laundry in the sink.Turns out he pooed himself on the taxi in.

Such a great story
 
Ayork62493 said:
I had a similar experience over the summer... A friend of mine and also a student of mine has a family that owns a lance. They wanted to take a day trip to Chicago and had me ride along since my student is young and had just gotten his private a few months back. We had all grilled out the night before and they son who would be flying decided to make some Walmart brand chipoltle burgers, he was the only one who ate those.. Mixed with a glass of scotch or so. Anyways, probably twenty minutes after we took off from Omaha the gas began. It was such a terrible smell, he had the rest of us gagging from it. So that happens a few more times, and we level off at around 11,000 feet. Over DSM is when he told me we needed to land.... Right now. He gives me the controls and we divert, and tell ATC it's for the bathroom. I could tell he was in horrible pain all the way down and kept urging me to go faster... We land, and I taxi as fast as that thing will go. He scurries out and sprints into Signature. I wait in the lobby for twenty minutes or so and decide to go give him some crap. I walk in and he's standing in his high socks, washing his pants in the FBO sink... It was one of the funniest things I've ever seen. There had been multiple guys going in and out of there while he was doing his nasty laundry in the sink.Turns out he pooed himself on the taxi in. Such a great story
Click to expand...
@Rocketman99 can tell you of my personal fight with that.
 
That story was amazing! I had tears running down my face from laughing so hard. Thanks for the link to the great story.
 
SteveC said:
Citation Bravo outflow valves are on the aft pressure bulkhead. Much more civilized location for sure.
Click to expand...

Super jealous of that. In the Pilatus it's up front, but at least with us the primary is on the FO side, so they get punished a little more than the guy in the left.

I've come close to putting the mask on a couple times.
 
There used to be a thread on flightinfo.com years ago called " diarrhea in a freighter" which had pages upon pages of stories. I remember being in tears laughing so hard at some of them.
 
Boskru said:
I was on a flight a few years ago where one of the pilots had to cancel a mission and RTB early because of an imminent code brown. After that Ops put a camper toilet in the back of the plane so no more on station
mission time was lost.
Click to expand...
Save all the stuff from a Subway sammy bag- just sayin,..
 
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