My CFI is a sex offender

[Murdoughnut]

I started watching the sex offender list after I had kids. Public urination is frequently brought up as a reason to be against the list, but I've yet to see anyone in my area for something so petty. The people I've seen on there are actual sex offenders, not someone who peed in an alley.

As a parent, I don't look at the list because I think it creates a false sense of security. For every person on the list, there are a hundred more who have likely committed sex crimes against children. If this surprises you, it's probably because our society dramatically underestimates how many children are victimized by family members. Just as you always treat a gun like it's loaded, you should always treat an adult male as a potential perp. I say adult male because I have a healthy understanding of statistics, and statistics cares not for our petty notions of egalitarianism.

That's not to say I assume every male is going to assault my kids - but we try never to allow the circumstances where that would occur, at least to the best of our ability. I certainly don't want to blame the victims here, but when you hear these stories of Nassar's victims and parents dropping their daughters off at his apartment - I mean, seriously, WTF. Beyond that, we have regular conversations with our sons about what they should do should anyone touch them inappropriately in order to create an openness and let them know it's important to speak up. We also emphasize in our home that we never have "secrets" as that's what many perps use as their method of concealing their crimes. Also, never put your kids in karate, apparently.

 

[poser765]

I think it's fair to despise the people who commit these acts, but also despise a unique legal system that keeps them from ever being able to redeem themselves.

Exactly. So much of our justice system in this country seems to be based on capitalism and spite.

Much of the penal process seems to be the way it is for emotional value, and not for rehabilitation. Excellent! Let's make a person who screwed up once a forever social outcast and lifelong criminal.

This sex offenders registry is a perfect example of this. What's the point of getting out of prison if your crime will follow you the rest of your life and angry mobs of neighbors will prevent you from living?

 

[derg]

I think it's fair to despise the people who commit these acts, but also despise a unique legal system that keeps them from ever being able to redeem themselves.

There are the "backyard pissers" on the list right alongside people would should have been been loaded onto a Trebuchet and flung into an active volcano, but it's the same designation.

 

[MidlifeFlyer]

Exactly. So much of our justice system in this country seems to be based on capitalism and spite.

Much of the penal process seems to be the way it is for emotional value, and not for rehabilitation. Excellent! Let's make a person who screwed up once a forever social outcast and lifelong criminal.

This sex offenders registry is a perfect example of this. What's the point of getting out of prison if your crime will follow you the rest of your life and angry mobs of neighbors will prevent you from living?

I think it is less about the legal system than about the tendency we have in this society in general to swing the pendulum to the extremes and rarely end up somewhere in the moderate middle. The legal system at its best leads society (think civil rights) but at its worst mirrors the same biases (both good and bad) as we as a group have.

The ease of getting on it is definitely a problem. I once represented someone who could have ended up on it but due to a wonderful woman deputy DA, I was able to keep him off it. With another DDA. we might have had to roll the dice and go to trial.

OTOH, having gone through a period representing sexual predators, we are not talking about the same thing as a thief who stole to feed his family or even someone who murdered a close friend or relative and is highly unlikely to be a threat to others. Particularly in the case of child predators, we are talking about serial offenders with a personality defect that makes repetition very, very, very likely.

BTW, the registry is not necessarily permanent. The federal statute provides for three tiers of offenses with different registration periods. Most state registration laws mirror it in some way.

 

[Murdoughnut]

I think it is less about the legal system than about the tendency we have in this society in general to swing the pendulum to the extremes and rarely end up somewhere in the moderate middle. .

I've been saying the same thing about the #metoo movement lately. We went from true monsters (Feinstein), to just dudes who are kinda creepy (Aziz) and have been treating them like they're the same.

 

[derg]

I think Aziz got a raw deal.

 

[Maximilian_Jenius]

As a parent, I don't look at the list because I think it creates a false sense of security. For every person on the list, there are a hundred more who have likely committed sex crimes against children. If this surprises you, it's probably because our society dramatically underestimates how many children are victimized by family members. Just as you always treat a gun like it's loaded, you should always treat an adult male as a potential perp. I say adult male because I have a healthy understanding of statistics, and statistics cares not for our petty notions of egalitarianism.

That's not to say I assume every male is going to assault my kids - but we try never to allow the circumstances where that would occur, at least to the best of our ability. I certainly don't want to blame the victims here, but when you hear these stories of Nassar's victims and parents dropping their daughters off at his apartment - I mean, seriously, WTF. Beyond that, we have regular conversations with our sons about what they should do should anyone touch them inappropriately in order to create an openness and let them know it's important to speak up. We also emphasize in our home that we never have "secrets" as that's what many perps use as their method of concealing their crimes. Also, never put your kids in karate, apparently.

That's a very good approach to take. Make your kids the antelopes/wildebeest at the front of the running herd, and not the young, old or infirm rounding out the rear, that are always the easy prey for predators.

 

[NovemberEcho]

Also, never put your kids in karate, apparently.

Or church.

 

[gotWXdagain]

I think it is less about the legal system than about the tendency we have in this society in general to swing the pendulum to the extremes and rarely end up somewhere in the moderate middle. .

I've been saying the same thing about the #metoo movement lately. We went from true monsters (Feinstein), to just dudes who are kinda creepy (Aziz) and have been treating them like they're the same.

If not being good at reading wine preference nor a seemingly willing partner’s subtle, nonverbal cues makes you a creep, then there probably are alot more creepers in the world than we “know about.”

 

[Maximilian_Jenius]

Also, never put your kids in karate, apparently.

Why? Learning self-defense is probably the best way to defend oneself. More especially school age kids, from the huge uptick in reported bullying. It won't help at least initially though with a sexual predator. Their tactics at the front end, are all mental head games. Of testing limits as a means of grooming.

 

[Murdoughnut]

If not being good at reading wine preference nor a seemingly willing partner’s subtle, nonverbal cues makes you a creep, then there probably are alot more creepers in the world than we “know about.”

Oh I just think he's a creep because he met someone through an app and then expected sex with them on the first date - but that's admittedly the perspective of a guy pushing 40 who grew up in the south. By my definition, a good chunk of the millennial generation are creeps.

 

[Murdoughnut]

Why? Learning self-defense is probably the best way to defend oneself. More especially school age kids, from the huge uptick in reported bullying. It won't help at least initially though with a sexual predator. Their tactics at the front end, are all mental head games. Of testing limits as a means of grooming.

Agreed, and several academic studies have shown that martial arts is the one extracurricular with a statistically significant impact on adolescent behavior. I felt like reaching out on FB and asking my friends "can someone recommend a karate program where my kids won't be molested?" It has a bad rap, unfortunately.

 

[MidlifeFlyer]

How is this for a coincidence? Yesterday I went to my monthly continuing education luncheon. The topic? The North Carolina sexual offender registry.

 

[SlumTodd_Millionaire]

Agreed, and several academic studies have shown that martial arts is the one extracurricular with a statistically significant impact on adolescent behavior. I felt like reaching out on FB and asking my friends "can someone recommend a karate program where my kids won't be molested?" It has a bad rap, unfortunately.

I think you’re a bit too paranoid.

 

[Murdoughnut]

I think you’re a bit too paranoid.

I was mostly joking, but karate instructors are a lot like Boy Scout troop leaders - good luck finding one that isn't a complete weirdo.

 

[SlumTodd_Millionaire]

Weirdo, yes. Child rapist? Probably not. I mock the Catholic cult, but truth is, your kid is probably safe with a priest. The odds of someone being a kiddie rapist are incredibly small. I think people do more harm to children nowadays by making them scared of everyone and not letting them out of the house alone. Not saying you’re one of those parents, but there seems to be an awful lot of them. When I watch the news and see someone is charged criminally because they allowed their kid to walk home from school alone and a neighbor reported them, something is very wrong with how kids are being raised. Statistically, kids have never been safer. Yet they’ve never been sheltered so much before from imaginary dangers.

 

[gne in prog]

As a parent, I don't look at the list because I think it creates a false sense of security. For every person on the list, there are a hundred more who have likely committed sex crimes against children. If this surprises you, it's probably because our society dramatically underestimates how many children are victimized by family members. Just as you always treat a gun like it's loaded, you should always treat an adult male as a potential perp. I say adult male because I have a healthy understanding of statistics, and statistics cares not for our petty notions of egalitarianism.

There's no false sense of security looking at the list. As you have a healthy understanding of statistics, then you know-

we are not talking about the same thing as a thief who stole to feed his family or even someone who murdered a close friend or relative and is highly unlikely to be a threat to others. Particularly in the case of child predators, we are talking about serial offenders with a personality defect that makes repetition very, very, very likely.

and not looking at the list because "for every person on the list, there are a hundred more" that haven't been caught makes zero sense.

I think Aziz got a raw deal.

It's a mockery of the entire metoo movement.

 

[Murdoughnut]

There's no false sense of security looking at the list. As you have a healthy understanding of statistics, then you know-



and not looking at the list because "for every person on the list, there are a hundred more" that haven't been caught makes zero sense.



It's a mockery of the entire metoo movement.

I'm not purposely not looking at the list - it just doesn't cross my mind, to be honest. I think I looked when we first moved into our home like six years ago - but the point is that it wouldn't change anything, my kids are five and don't go trecking through the neighborhood on their own anyways.

 

[Nick]

I was mostly joking, but karate instructors are a lot like Boy Scout troop leaders - good luck finding one that isn't a complete weirdo.

Now Murdoughnut, I don't know if you had a different experience than I, but I was in a boy scout troop of 70 people throughout middle school and high school.

Troop leaders weirdos?

Scoutmaster was a US Navy Commander with three sons making Eagle and off to the academies. Another was VP of our high population county's newspaper at the age of ~30. The list goes on. One year, my dad and my best friend's dad, neither of whom had enough free time on a regular basis, took a couple weeks vacation in the summer so our group could have enough adults for a long backpacking trip in NM. I know my dad and my best friend's dad pretty well.

That was my experience anyway. A 'complete weirdo' wouldn't have worked out.

 

[Nick]

I'm a student pilot who is about to take their check ride for my private pilot license. One night I'm studying with a buddy and one thing leads to another and we end up googling his name for his ignominious ground instruction, or lack there of. The first thing that shows up is a sex offender registry with his name, picture, and defining characteristics right there. I first met him when I was 17 but did not fly with him until I was 18. During this time I was never informed of his status. I am already levying legal action towards him for other things, but how could this complicate, or add to the process?

You ought to spend a little more time dealing with yourself, and a little less time worrying about what your flight instructor does.