Marriage Pressure...

Just an addendum to my previous post ('cause I can't edit it anymore) ... I think I sounded a little bitter/angry. I'm not actually. I think marriage is great and I'll definately do it again ( damn, 26 and saying "again"
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It's just that marriage (the actual act and physical piece of paper) is not in itself a guarantee of anything. Commitment takes work and dedication by both people whether they have that slip of paper or not.
 
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It's just that marriage (the actual act and physical piece of paper) is not in itself a guarantee of anything.

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That's exactly my viewpoint!!

So, marriage supporters, tell me this (simply your opinion, I know - but I'm curious as to what people will say):

Is it possible for two people to have the same level of commitment to each other without a legal document saying that they're committed?
 
Absolutely!

In fact after you've lived together long enough the state where you live will most likely considered you married. Hence the Common Law marriage.

To me my marriage wasn't so much about the legal documentation, but rather going before God and saying, "Yo, big guy, we're staying together forever".

I'm a strong believer in the religous marriage much more than the legal one.

I for one would remain single if I got divorced, since in the eyes of God I'm still married until either she or I passes.

But that's just me and my view.

Putting religion aside a lot of people get married or more appropriately have weddings to have a sort of public declaration and celebration of the commitment and love between them.

I personally would have gotten married even if there weren't any legal / financial aspects, because in the end marriage is about commitment, love, and sharing your life (and I mean day to day life) with another person. It's not about joint checking accounts, shared assets, etc.

I mean my wife and I have been married for 5 years and together for a total of 8 years, and we don't and will never have a joint checking account...it's the love baby.

Naunga
 
Oh and another thing.

If you want my honest opinion, you're married before you're married.

I mean my wife and I eventhough we didn't live with eachother before we married we did spend a lot of time together. We dealt with a lot of "married couple" issues, like money, vacations together, etc.

I've always felt I was married to her long before the wedding. Which made the wedding just seem like a natural next step.

I never felt and pressure from her, her family, or my family.

Naunga
 
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Is it possible for two people to have the same level of commitment to each other without a legal document saying that they're committed?

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Well, two people certainly can have a tremendous commitment to each other without being married. But, and this is just my personal opinion take-it-or-leave-it, that the level of commitment is higher when you're married. My reason for thinking this way is that it's just too easy to walk away when things are a little shaky if the marriage factor isn't there. I guess I don't look at marriage as something that should be thrown away with a few signatures and a couple hundred bucks just because you're going through some rough spots. Bill and his ex-fiance J----- lived together when they were just out of college, and during every little argument she'd say "well, I'll just leave, it's not like we're married or anything....".

My old roommate and her boyfriend/now-fiance were and still are greatly commited to each other. They have a two year old little girl, and are now planning their wedding.

I'm not saying people can't be commited outside of marriage. If you don't want to get married, do yourself and the other person a favor and don't ! A marriage involving someone who doesn't want to be married will only frustrate both people!
 
I agree with what MQAA said, and like Nagua said, for me it is more of a declaration of love with the family friends and all that, but also like i said before, it gives a bunch of other rights such as next of kin and tax stuff (dont' really know about that one) but for me, The next of kin and power of attorney type of stuff are important because with John's health history if something should happen to him, I want to know what is going on and (in the future) have some say in his treatment if he is not able to make decisions for himself. The religious part of marriage i could take it or leave it, but like amber said, to me marriage is much more than a legal contract, it showes that we both love and care about eachother, know that there is no one else in the world for either of us and are willing to declare that for all to hear. To me (personally) it shows a deeper level of committment. Besides, if you're in such a committed relationship that it's like being married, where is the hesitation coming from in actually getting married? Again, (to me) this signifies a lower level of committment, or maybe an uncertainty within the relationship (as in, there might be someone better out there) because if you're already that committed, why not get married?

hope that made some sense...
 
Pilot602, you could right a suspense novel about your marriage experience! Just put it in Spanish and on Galavision!
 
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Pilot602, you could right a suspense novel about your marriage experience! Just put it in Spanish and on Galavision!

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Hell throw fabio on the cover and every girl/chick/woman/female on this board would probably buy it up, and be crying inside an hour!
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hmmmm .... this = solution to being poor? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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Maybe Jean-Claude Van Damme -- after all, you're both accomplished martial artists.
 
I saw a quote once that said " the marriage certificate is what holds you together while you fall in and out of love" - I think it's true!! Just a romantic though.... I also saw an interview w/ a couple that had reached their 50+ anniversary and the woman was asked if she ever thought about divorce and she replied, " divorce never, but murder occasionally!!" Pretty funny!!
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Hell throw fabio on the cover and every girl/chick/woman/female on this board would probably buy it up, and be crying inside an hour!
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hmmmm .... this = solution to being poor? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
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[/jokeatexpenseofself]

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Not this one! I detest sappy chick books.
 
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Besides, if you're in such a committed relationship that it's like being married, where is the hesitation coming from in actually getting married? Again, (to me) this signifies a lower level of committment, or maybe an uncertainty within the relationship (as in, there might be someone better out there) because if you're already that committed, why not get married?


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Not a lower level of commitment, at all!!

I'm just hearing (from everybody - it's the basis of most folks' argument. . .) that that the biggest reason to be married, aside from the religious aspect, is the financial one. It's a way to "tie the other person in" so that your partner "can't just walk away...". And that's cool, too - I guess. It's almost as if it's an insurance policy for some, kind of a "I'm not going to put anymore into this relationship if I can't guarantee a return on my investment . . ." type of thing.

Hmmm, I don't know. Maybe I'm just overly defensive about it. Maybe I just need to stop my whining and conform a little bit - give up this battle!!
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i guess i'm more curious, why don't you want to get married? You've been asking why should you, but my question to you is, why shouldn't you?
 
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Maybe I just need to stop my whining and conform a little bit - give up this battle!!

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Well you know....Aren't the both of you making it out for Network JC? I hear they have these chapels all over the place. Things that make you say Hmmm !!
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I've been divorced before, and it takes $400 and 30 days - plus 8 signitures and a Notary's seal - to end it. I understand that marriage is a commitment, but it's not like a recording contract.


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HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Oh god that was hillarious!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i guess i'm more curious, why don't you want to get married? You've been asking why should you, but my question to you is, why shouldn't you?

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Not that I don't want to - I just don't understand why we have to get married.

We were talking about it one night and she said that alot of people consider marriage to be the act that officiates the relationship. I'm assuming that she feels that way.

So, my question : Does a married couple have a bigger connection to one another? Are they more committed? If that's yes, then in what way are you more committed? Are you able to see other people until the marriage date? Do we not have to share everything until that date? You know, I'd end my resistance if that waas the case. I'd be ready to move on if there was something that we'd have by being married that we don't have now.

If we already have everything that a married couple would have, what exactly is the driving force?
 
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Well you know....Aren't the both of you making it out for Network JC? I hear they have these chapels all over the place. Things that make you say Hmmm !!
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Yeah, we'll be there, and there's the slight possibility that I'll be forming an ad hoc wedding party at network JC!!!! However, she's not as keen on that. First, he friends and family won't be there, and second, she got married on Sept 24th the first time I believe and the honeymoon was in Vegas....
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Gives her a bad feeling!!
 
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