Lost This One Too

amjon said:
They've found a possible cause (for the death of both babies) and have referred me to the endo. I'll find out more at our appointment in 2 weeks, but it looks like they can control it with medication.
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Like I said, what's the rush? If I were you, I'd make sure there aren't any loose ends before you try this again. Things like "haven't found anything so far" and "looks like they can control it with medication"; wouldn't be the warm fuzzy I'd be looking for, bearing in mind the past two.
 
MikeD said:
Like I said, what's the rush? If I were you, I'd make sure there aren't any loose ends before you try this again. Things like "haven't found anything so far" and "looks like they can control it with medication"; wouldn't be the warm fuzzy I'd be looking for, bearing in mind the past two.
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It's something the doctor hadn't really considered could be a problem either. I asked for it to be tested and he just agreed to keep me happy. He was kind of excited to tell us they found a cause today. Dang, you have to do all your own research these days. Out of 4 doctors (2 being specialists in high risk pregnancies) not 1 suggested the test.
 
I am glad you have a possible answer! It's awful to have lost two, but to learn a cause is a good step forward.
 
amjon said:
I went to my new OB today for a preconception appointment (I was hoping first prenatal, but still too early to test). I had the records from the midwives and the hospital sent as I wanted him to have all information. In the hospital, I was told there was a 99.9% chance that Taylor died because of an umbilical cord accident (knot and wrapped around neck). I was not given any other possible causes/ concerns.
My new OB reviewed the last ultrasound they did and saw that her fluid level was very low. He said when the fluid is low there is usually a reason and it is likely what killed her. He thinks it may have been pre-eclampsia (which I was in the hospital a few days earlier to be evaluated for and sent home- wonder why they didn't bring that up?!!) or an auto-immune disease. He wants to pin the cause down as there are things we will need to do with a new pregnancy. He said he would start me on blood pressure meds when it reaches 140/90 (or less) instead of waiting until the normal 150/100. He said if it is auto immune there are others meds I would need to take. He also wants monthly ultrasounds starting at 20 weeks and non-stress tests.
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Not to dredge up this painful experience, but I thought this was what you said was the issue(s) with your first pregnancy?? Really, I have to go with you should get every test possible and if you wind up on meds, be on them a while to see, a. if you have side effects, b. you may have to go through the doctor adjusting the dosage or even changing the meds and, c. if they are indeed helping/controlling whatever (you didn't specify) that the doctor thinks is the issue before you even think about putting yourself through this again. I would make sure that a cause is definitely determined before even considering rushing or into or being desperate to try again so quickly and repeating all of this. If you don't mind me asking, what exactly did they just test you for?
 
A Life Aloft said:
Not to dredge up this painful experience, but I thought this was what you said was the issue(s) with your first pregnancy?? Really, I have to go with you should get every test possible and if you wind up on meds, be on them a while to see, a. if you have side effects, b. you may have to go through the doctor adjusting the dosage or even changing the meds and, c. if they are indeed helping/controlling whatever (you didn't specify) that the doctor thinks is the issue before you even think about putting yourself through this again. I would make sure that a cause is definitely determined before even considering rushing or into or being desperate to try again so quickly and repeating all of this. If you don't mind me asking, what exactly did they just test you for?
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They've tested me for just about every auto immune/ clotting disorder they can. I asked for thyroid levels to be checked and they were hyper. They never mentioned thyroid as a possible cause and never tested me levels until I requested it. There's no way to wait for them to figure things out as they may never. They didn't recommend waiting in our case. I had to be put on BP meds, but now I've had to stop them as my pressure was getting too low. The thyroid could have caused that issue as well though. I don't understand why I wasn't routinely tested for thyroid anyway as I'm in a couple of the risk groups that are supposed to be screened. We'll find out more from the endo in 2 weeks.
 
It's your choice whether to wait or not, but what exactly is the rush? If you do have hyperthyroidism, you will have to discuss a treatment (there are three that I know of), then have the treatment and then make sure your T3, T4 and TSH levels are normal again before you try to conceive again. Does this not at least make sense to you?

If you choose the medication route of treatment, there are a couple of kinds of meds, the right med that will work for you has to be found, and the dosage has to be regulated (sort of trial and error) and regular blood drawn to check the thyroid levels to get them back to normal. Again, this takes time and you should not risk getting pregnant during this time until you are stablized for a period of time. Is there some reason you cannot wait a few months at least?

If indeed you have hyperthyroidism, you will need to wait to get that under control before you conceive again. And in the case of one of the treatments, you should not be pregnant while undergoing it (if you choose that treatment) because it involves radiation. Your meds, if you go that route, will also have to be adjusted (to a higher dose) while you are pregnant. I am sure the endocrinologist will tell you exactly what I am saying here when you see him/her. Also, the meds do not work on everyone. If they don't (and again, only time will tell) then you have to opt for one of the other two treatments. (surgery or radiation) The endocrinologist may even decide that he wants an exact image of your thyroid before giving you any treatment and this also involves radioactive dye. I happen to know what I am talking about in regards to this subject, btw.

So seriously, you should get all of this sorted out before you conceive again. It makes no sense not to wait a few months at the very least. There is a huge difference in waiting a few months and "forever".

They didn't recommend waiting before, but that was before this current/recent diagnosis, so that really has no relevance now.
 
I'm going to put myself out there and throw out some unsolicited advice on a subject that I know is sensitive and that I probably should keep my mouth shut. Besides, we're a website of bossy type-A airline pilots so here it goes.

You're a newlywed. Go chase the new husband around the neighborhood park, travel, eat a chimichanga at Disneyland on the run over to Disney's California Adventure and take a weekend Vegas bender or two.

It'll happen in time.

In the meantime, clearly you have a sex machine that wants your attention and companionship so go adventure with him. You have the rest of your life to change diapers.

Sent from my TRS-80
 
Best advice ever. It's always a good idea to experience life as a married couple for a time before rushing to bring kids into that relationship. They change everything and your alone time will be minimal at best. Strengthening and growing the bond between you (no matter how long you knew each other previously or what you think you feel about one another even now- being married is different) takes time and is more important. Be a couple first before you become parents. Make sure that relationship is stable, good/fulfilling for both of you and will endure. If more couples took the time to do this, perhaps there would be less divorces and broken homes down the road. Some of us had to learn this lesson the hard way, sadly.

Give each other all the attention you can now, because when children come along that focus will change dramatically. Children bring their own set of issues, complications and problems into any relationship as well as all the positive aspects. People often fail to realize this beforehand. They may think they know/understand all of this, but really they have no clue. Meanwhile, travel, have some experiences, build the basis for romance, have some fun and be happy enjoying and exploring one another. You have plenty of time to be a Mom. Get yourself squared away physically. There really is no need to rush is there?

Sometimes it's better to be logical/rational and not so emotional with these things and think beyond the "but I want and want it now" mentality and be so focused and caught up in the process of all of this. You obviously, cannot force something to happen just because you want it to be. Stop pushing the issue. Re-focus and give yourselves a break, relax and just enjoy each other and your life together. Don't be so quick to sweep all of that aside. Trust me, you won't have all the time and all the energy with a baby in your life, to do these things, no matter what you think. You two have also lived apart a long time. This is another good reason to wait.

You have a couple of people here now, telling you the same thing. Perhaps you should consider that advice.
 
For us waiting isn't really an option (at least not long). I won't consider radioactive iodine as you have to wait 6 months after and no way we are waiting that long. If I was in my 20's we would probably wait, but I'm not and already high risk just because of age (and it gets worse as time goes on). We want more than one too, so need to get started or we may be stuck with just one or none. We've already been through enough to tear people apart and it's only brought us closer, so I don't really think kids are going to be a hindrance. ;)
 
amjon said:
For us waiting isn't really an option (at least not long). I won't consider radioactive iodine as you have to wait 6 months after and no way we are waiting that long.
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The flip side if you don't wait until knowing something positive and keep rushing with it, is you'll be creating many more of these threads, all with the same thread title and all saying the same thing. You'll lose the same amount of time, if not more, doing business that way.
 
MikeD said:
The flip side if you don't wait until knowing something positive and keep rushing with it, is you'll be creating many more of these threads, all with the same thread title and all saying the same thing. You'll lose the same amount of time, if not more, doing business that way.
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From what I've read they have meds that are pregnancy safe that we could start right away. We'll probably wait until after the endo appointment to really try, but should be good to go by next month. I still have a fair amount of hcg, so will probably be a few weeks before my body recognizes I'm not pregnant anyway.
 
amjon said:
From what I've read they have meds that are pregnancy safe that we could start right away. We'll probably wait until after the endo appointment to really try, but should be good to go by next month. I still have a fair amount of hcg, so will probably be a few weeks before my body recognizes I'm not pregnant anyway.
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In aviation safety, we call this "get there itis". This phenomenon whereby an aircrew keeps trying to push ahead and make a mission happen, when better judgement and available evidence say it's better to wait.

Doing meds that are "supposedly" pregnancy safe, is taking an unnecessary risk with a fetus that could be alleviated by doing things "by the numbers", or one-at-a-time. Seriously, get one item done before doing the next. You're trying to do everything at once, and with the track record so far, the batting average is low. How many times do you want to keep going around in the same circle? The same excuses and "finds" and "a-ha!" ideas have been contained in the previous thread you posted on this. I would seriously urge you to resist the "get there itis", and wait in until you know things positively and accurately; because the ONLY pressure to get the mission accomplished here.....that of having kids.....is PURELY self-induced. And in aviation accidents related to this phenomenon, those self induced pressures to get the job done almost always led to an accident.

Don't make the same mistake.
 
amjon said:
From what I've read they have meds that are pregnancy safe that we could start right away. We'll probably wait until after the endo appointment to really try, but should be good to go by next month. I still have a fair amount of hcg, so will probably be a few weeks before my body recognizes I'm not pregnant anyway.
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So you are then completely disregarding that fact that A. the meds do not work on every person who has hyperthyroidism and they will need to seek the other treatment options available and that B. It takes a while (like a few months) before you are completely stable, not to mention the chance of having to have the dosage changed (upped or lowered) or the meds themselves changed, C. You will need to see if you have side effects from the meds, because they do have side effects and you also need regular tests to see how your thyroid is doing as it does not regulate that quickly. These are facts and the truth.

I am not sure what to make of the comment of "being stuck with one child." For many people, even having one child would be looked upon as a wonderful blessing. We don't always get everything that we want in life, no matter how hard we try or want those things. That is just the way things roll. We then have to cope. Many couples who have issues also adopt children and are perfectly happy and satisfied in doing so.

How old are you, that you are such a high risk age wise that you cannot wait a few months to sort all of this out first? We are talking months here, not years.
 
BRB, consulting my wife who is a fertility expert. Oh wait, no she's not, she just wants babies every second of every day. In all seriousness, we are 29 and she thinks the world is going to end if we don't pop out kids immediately, like while I am on deployment and guaranteed to be away and unable to help her out. (in other words she is willing to accept the worst possible timing in exchange for not being "too old") My aforementioned big brother and his wife safely have had 2 kids in their late 30's/early 40's, and my little nephews are very healthy, smart, hilarious little guys. I know there is an increased risk, but I see enough anecdotal evidence in this world to suggest that it isn't the end of the line. I was born when my mom was like 38 yrs old/dad being 48. I think I turned out fine :) Just trying to throw some positive thinking your way, I know this sucks probably more than anything I have ever experienced personally.
 
Have you considered adoption? You'd still get to be a parent, and you wouldn't have to be as concerned with all the damage that could be done to you (or the potential problems a baby born under what you say are already "at risk" conditions might encounter).
 
SeatClutcher said:
Have you considered adoption? You'd still get to be a parent, and you wouldn't have to be as concerned with all the damage that could be done to you (or the potential problems a baby born under what you say are already "at risk" conditions might encounter).
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We're not considering that yet. We both want a biological child and adoption is beyond our budget right now. The doctor still thinks I can conceive and carry a child at least to a point where they could be safely born. If thyroid is the issue medication should take care of it. Both losses could have just been flukes too. The first was ruled an accident, but can't be 100% determined. The second the doctor said was likely a chromosomal abnormality (and 70% of pregnancies end in some type of miscarriage, most early on).
 
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