Looks Like I Picked the Wrong Day To Fly Through Chicago

@tomokc

So I guess that means that you will not consider packing fudge in the future? :D:eek:

(Sorry, I had to!)

Now back to you regular programming.
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TSA is that bad....Sorry I don't blame the customer if they aren't up to date on the latest (and sometimes local) policies of the TSA.
 
Even though the TSA is all chummy with me at the KCM door and generally while I'm in uniform, i still consider their very existence to be a terrorist victory.

I have to ride on the employee shuttle with these people at the airport, and it's seem obvious that most of them are people who would otherwise be stocking shelves at Walmart or doing janitorial work. Also, a lot of of small town airports seem to be staffed by I was too fat or stupid for police academy so I became TSA paramilitary types on a power trip. Now that's not to say that they are bad people as individuals, but rather the unfortunate instruments of a policy so blatantly stupid that the American public is a victim.

Never forget that the goal of terrorism is to change our way of life into one of greater fear and suffering . In that endeavor, the 9/11 terrorists continue to succeed as long as we are tolerant of this incredibly stupid department of security theater.
 
That would be the corporate charters and fractional shares, no?

No, those are the equivalent of the stores where you have to call ahead to get them to open their doors and they open with two people to take care of you. Nordstrom would be more like where you take the middle seat and four rows of seats out and charge $200 more for it.
 
No, those are the equivalent of the stores where you have to call ahead to get them to open their doors and they open with two people to take care of you. Nordstrom would be more like where you take the middle seat and four rows of seats out and charge $200 more for it.
Ah! You mean like PrivatAir and OpenSkies.
 
There were tears of joy streaming down my face last July when my Director announced that the territories were being re-swizzled and I was being pulled off the National account I was working to handle a local territory. I don't fly anymore unless I'm traveling not-on-business. And it has been glorious.

I rent more cars than Clooney did in "Up In The Air" but that's a different kettle of fish. (Pro Tip: The Fiat 500 Sport is an AWESOME little rental car. Short on space, but long on everything else.)

I've noticed TSA can be hit or miss - I've been in some places where the security crew was efficient, professional and pragmatic. I've been other places where the ability to fog a mirror was the pre-requisite to get hired.

In short, like most other large public-facing organizations. I agree with @Cal Goat - their very existence was a capitulation of sorts. There are some of them trying to do the best they can within a byzantine not-law-enforcement organization. Others....yeah. I hear ya.
 
Ah! You mean like PrivatAir and OpenSkies.

Yes. Now if they would only come to the United States and do domestic routes, that would be cool. I would gladly pay $100 each way on a coast to coast flight to not have my knees crammed into my chest or have the person in the middle row fall asleep and drool all over me.
 
They are not supposed to but you know these morons are keeping some of the crap. I had one TSA joke out front that he never has to buy lighters anymore. He just uses the ones they confiscate.
 
Have I got a TSA story to share......try having a firearm in your luggage. I was flying a contract in Texas over the summer. Flying out of SEA early. Only one TSA inspection station apparently open that early in the morning regardless of the amount of people flying.

Took 45 mins to get to ticket agent. Then 30 min wait to get my luggage inspected. • TSA agent (just this one I am sure there are non-• TSA employees) is watched by two other goons who don't do anything but watch. While a long line of people wait to get inspected. That's when the fun begins.....

Handguns are in their own case in a locked pelican case. Things are packed neatly but pretty tight in the case with my gun box on top for easy access. Agent begins to remove everything from my case and stack to the side. Everything except the gun box which stayed in the case the entire time. He takes out both my Ipads and my GPS module and puts them to the side. I kid you not he unfolded my underwear to inspect it (I think he sniffed it too). He then takes a giant q-tip and swabs the inside of the pelican case. Mind you all that is in my case at this point is my gun box. For those of you who don't know a pelican case is a hard plastic(?) luggage case well know for its rigidity. No inner liner just the plastic case. Easy to see that there is no hidden places to hide a bomb in the pelican case.

So • swabs the entire inside of the case then puts it in his magic little machine. It dings or doesn't I couldn't really care but Douchebag begins to shove my things back into the pelican case. Not once touching my gun case. Never checked to see if the guns are unloaded or even guns. So as he is shoving things in a wadded up ball into the case I start to ask him to be careful with my stuff. Not worried about my underwear but my Ipads knee board, GPS, and other flight gear. He puts the knee board in last above my ipads and is trying to force the now overloaded case closed. I start yelling at him to be careful not to break it and let me repack it properly before he breaks something. He yells back at me not to approach and his two goons advance on me, not really threatening me just to ensure I don't approach the •. They aren't doing anything anyway, just supervising Douchebag. He's in the process of taking things out again to try to repack and I asked for my Ipads so I can put them in my carry aboard. They agree and hand both over to me. I then watch as now all three work to pack my stuff back in. As they are still trying to force my case closed I see my kneeboard near the edge with the pens sticking out over the lid they can't seem to get closed. I point this out to them and they move it allowing them to close the case.

I head to my gate fuming.

I get to Texas that night. Sure enough I open my case and the pens from my kneeboard have broken and leaked ink all over my clothing including my required expensive flight suits. To make matters worse, my GPS module is missing.

I finish the contract at the end of the month and start my trip back. I get to HOU, and instead of dealing with the TSA I get to deal with a nice but clueless ticket agent, who has never checked a firearm before. She has me wait while she finds a supervisor to explain the policy. When she comes back she has me open my case, remove my firearms in front of everyone, then show her they are clear. So now everyone in the packed ticket area see me remove a couple of handguns, rack the slide on the semi, and open the revolver allowing her to inspect them. This is the point where she tells me she has never held a gun and wouldn't be able to tell if they were loaded or not anyway. She then has to copy down the serial numbers and asks for me to hand over the guns. I tell her that I am not comfortable with that and would be happy to read them to her. She tells me she has to see with her own eyes the serial numbers, it's "policy". I have a very calm debate with her which she wins handedly by informing me that if I don't hand them over she will not allow me to check the baggage. I hand over my guns. She uneventfully copies down the serials and hands me back the guns. I pack them in the case, lock the case and hand it over to her expecting never to see my pelican case (and everything contained) again. This has taken over 1/2 an hour at this point and done in front of 100s. But not once was the TSA involved or even present. Gotta love TSA consistency and God bless Texas!

I again head to my flight fuming.....but not as much this time since I somehow avoided the smurfs.

I land back in SEA and stand waiting for my luggage. As I see nearly every single bag picked up by my fellow passengers a sense of dread begins to envelope me. Sure enough my bag isn't there.

I go to the lost luggage office explaining the situation. Panic ensues when I inform them of the firearms in the luggage because of course "guns". TSA shows up, airport security, airport police, Santa Claus, and I am pretty sure the Easter Bunny. We spend about 1/2 an hour with me answering over and over again, "It's a black pelican case" with a red crew tag, and my name written on it. When suddenly another baggage person shows up for her shift and says "oh all the bags with guns go over here" and she takes me to a place right next to the lost baggage office where sure enough there sits my bag. Firearms resting safety inside. But still no sign of my expensive GPS module.

I F"en hate the TSA. They are about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. The TSA has done nothing to stop an actual attack. In every single attempt it has been the passengers and crew who saved the day. Even when the TSA itself came under attack they were unable to do anything about it and passengers in the terminal had to subdue the gunman, because the only people with guns were on coffee break.

If a terrorist wanted to make a big boom with lots of casualties and damage the frack out of our economy all they have to do is stand in line at TSA security with a few hundred passengers on a busy day. They would take out a lot more than they could get on a single aircraft and would never have even made it far enough to deal with security check points.
 
Sadly blowing up TSA checkpoint in the terminal would only result in TSA moving the checkpoint outside and having the backup outside of the terminal in some other overly crowded place.

I have had similar issues with TSA and never once has a gate agent ask to inspect my firearm or copy the serial numbers down. All I have ever been asked is they are unloaded and in a locked case and to place the proper tags inside the case and sign the firearms declaration. What chapps my rear is the TSA agent broke the locks and case to inspect it (aka play with it). I go to baggage claim and my case come rolling down the belt half open and tapped with TSA tape. These moron broke establish regulations and then shipped an unsecured firearm through the system. Anyone one working the ramp could have easily taken it or someone in baggage claim could have grabbed had I been tardy getting there. I immediately filed a complaint with the local TSA and the manager agreed they, the TSA, were in error. They apologized, reimbursed, me and retrained the agent the agent that opened the case.

@av8tr1 If you haven't you need to file a claim ASAP and don't take know for answer. Be polite and professional but don't roll over. I often pack my bags well too and always chuckle when they can't get my stuff back in the bag.

I was also an operating crew onetime and the idiots delayed us to dump all our stuff again at the gate as a random screening again. Then I had to answer why I had two headsets....Gomer sure thought he had something there....
 
I have had similar issues with TSA and never once has a gate agent ask to inspect my firearm or copy the serial numbers down. All I have ever been asked is they are unloaded and in a locked case and to place the proper tags inside the case and sign the firearms declaration.

@av8tr1 If you haven't you need to file a claim ASAP and don't take know for answer. Be polite and professional but don't roll over. I often pack my bags well too and always chuckle when they can't get my stuff back in the bag.

It wasn't the TSA that asked to inspect my firearms or copy the serial numbers. It was the ticket agent at HOU, Southwest if I recall. After all the mess at SEA, I never saw the TSA at HOU (well at least not till I got to the scanners). My point was that each airport seems to follow different policies. Which doesn't make any sense. It seems no matter where I go I see a different policy in place for thing like shoes on or off, laptops in or out of carry ons, etc.....

I did make a complaint and it is 5 months later still working its way through the system.....I do not expect to ever hear back. Insurance covered the loss so no big deal.

LOL on the carrying aviation equipment on the plane. I often fly with my helmet and knee board in the cabin. EVERY....SINGLE.....FRACKEN....TIME.....I get randomly selected for extra screening. Then I have to explain why I have a flight helmet (like I am going to fly the plane into a building and since I am wearing a helmet I will miraculously survive), the difference between helicopter plugs and airplane plugs, and what I had for lunch two Sundays next Thursday. F'en nuts.....

I remember doing a ferry flight in a R44. Didn't have time to change out of my flight suit. So I went through security in my flight suit with my helmet bag full of my flight gear. Suffice to say, I missed my flight. Had to explain why the military gear, but not military.
 
It wasn't the TSA that asked to inspect my firearms or copy the serial numbers. It was the ticket agent at HOU, Southwest if I recall. After all the mess at SEA, I never saw the TSA at HOU (well at least not till I got to the scanners). My point was that each airport seems to follow different policies. Which doesn't make any sense. It seems no matter where I go I see a different policy in place for thing like shoes on or off, laptops in or out of carry ons, etc.....

I did make a complaint and it is 5 months later still working its way through the system.....I do not expect to ever hear back. Insurance covered the loss so no big deal.

LOL on the carrying aviation equipment on the plane. I often fly with my helmet and knee board in the cabin. EVERY....SINGLE.....FRACKEN....TIME.....I get randomly selected for extra screening. Then I have to explain why I have a flight helmet (like I am going to fly the plane into a building and since I am wearing a helmet I will miraculously survive), the difference between helicopter plugs and airplane plugs, and what I had for lunch two Sundays next Thursday. F'en nuts.....

I remember doing a ferry flight in a R44. Didn't have time to change out of my flight suit. So I went through security in my flight suit with my helmet bag full of my flight gear. Suffice to say, I missed my flight. Had to explain why the military gear, but not military.
Off topic but why do helicopter guys wear flight suits? The only fixed wing guys I see wearing them are Civil Air Patrol folks.
 
I was ferrying a BE-58 from Chino to Palo Alto. I took a flight out of SJC. I had all my flight gear with me as a carry on. Including a survival knife, tools, charts all the silly stuff flight instructors carry in their big black bag.

I walked right through TSA like a boss.

What a joke.
 
The best is going through the KCM line at LaGuardia, and having them check my hands for bomb making material. Uhh, I went through the KCM line, and I am flying the airplane. What makes you think I need to bring a bomb?
 
Different airports, different standards.

This was enough to get me to have to check my bags when I went to my sister's wedding. They got on me about it at Dulles. Don't see the problem? Click on the picture. Now zoom in on it. Really close. Yeah, those teeth were enough. I mean, I squeezed the damn thing and said if it was a knife, not a cake server, would I do this? Still not good enough.

On the other hand, I once forgot that I had a Swiss army knife in my bag when I was traveling to Vegas and back. Both places said nothing.
 
@wheelsup
Chicks digg guys in flight suits......;) But not even a flight suit can help a CAP pilot get laid.....:stir:

The main reason is post crash fires. Usually the crew is knocked out briefly after a unsuccessful emergency landing. Usually only a few seconds. In those few seconds, pilot and hot engine is usually covered in fuel from ruptured tank. In the time it takes the pilot to become conscious and react appropriately to the crash the aircraft can already be engulfed in flames. Lots of crashes where the crew would have walked away had they not caught fire. Nomex will give you those vital seconds to recover and escape. Helmet is going to help you keep conscious.

Robinson aircraft (Largest % of training/tour/personal aircraft) have a bad reputation for it. Not a knock against Robinson, I think they make a good ship, just a well known reputation in the industry mainly due to lawsuits and lawyers. A few years ago they started requiring owners to install fuel bladders but not everyone has done it and it still doesn't guarantee against post crash fire. Same thing with lots of helicopters that don't have the Robinson reputation. The fuel tanks are above and behind the pilot usually close to the engine and in a crash have been known to rupture and gravity takes over spilling the fuel towards the soon to be crispy critters up front. It was a safety notice put out with endorsement from the FAA.

But usually required by the employer (read: the insurance co). Almost all government contracts require it, I know the fire guys require it, as well as forestry service and dept of the interior.

However I know lots of non-CAP pilots who wear them as well. "Most" of the ag guys I know wear both a flight suit and helmet. I know a few where it has come in handy too. They manage to get laid pretty regularly. Those CAP guys are still going home solo.

P.S. for you CAP guys who want to get your panties in a twist, I was a member for nearly 20 years (Wing staff in two states) till I came to my senses. Used to be a great organization and but now its mostly full of complete dipp •s who couldn't direct a turd down a toilet. Hate the guys who never spent a day in the actual military who strut around in Class As with Lt. Col insignia expecting everyone to bow down to their awesomeness.
 
@av8tr1 You misunderstood. I have never had the Airline nor TSA ask to prove the guns are clear. Just declare, sign and go. Wow 5 months that's nuts. IIRC mine was paid out pretty fast. Of course they had video of numbnuts breaking into a firearms case and the a supervisor seeing the cut case and tape on the other end so they didn't have alot of room to wiggle...
 
QUOTE="tomokc, post: 2369692, member: 19546"]You mean the Smurf Suit![/QUOTE]

@tomokc
The best was the CAP female member in the green flight suit with stiletto phuck me pumps with the zipper down to her navel with a crop top t shirt underneath strutting around at an airshow talking to men about "joining up". I've got a picture of it around somewhere.

And still even with her slutting around the CAP guys couldn't get laid!!!!!
 
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