Getting married. What were your surprises?

Ian J said:
It's great you're thinking about finances in advance. That will save a whole bunch of problems. Money issues are the leading cause of divorce in America.

As for the house question, one way to plan for it is:

- Make sure you are debt free first
- Make sure you have 3-6 months of expenses saved first
- Make sure you have a 20% down payment saved first
- Get a 15-year fixed where the payment does not exceed 25% of your pay
- Live in a very cheap apartment until the above is accomplished.

It's not for everyone, but a lot people tend to want to "play house" as soon as they get married whether they're financially able to or not. Some people think getting married automatically equals buying a house, new furniture, etc. Going in slow and with a plan will help you win in the long run.

At any rate, my advice for marital smoothness is to agree upon a financial plan and short/long term financial goals before the big day.

Best of luck!
Click to expand...

You're the most romantic man in my world. :love:
 
Biggest surprise: even when you've found that one person you actually do want to be with forever, there'll still be those moments of tension and discomfort that you thought were only supposed to happen with other people, and that you thought were supposed to go away after the first year. The "perfect" relationships you read about or see in movies or fantasize about always neglect to factor in the very real human factor: now and then, one of you will think the other totally sucks.
 
SeatClutcher said:
Biggest surprise: even when you've found that one person you actually do want to be with forever, there'll still be those moments of tension and discomfort that you thought were only supposed to happen with other people, and that you thought were supposed to go away after the first year. The "perfect" relationships you read about or see in movies or fantasize about always neglect to factor in the very real human factor: now and then, one of you will think the other totally sucks.
Click to expand...
Wow.
 
SeatClutcher said:
You're the most romantic man in my world. :love:
Click to expand...

Hey - in his first post he mostly mentioned financial questions! That's what I was answering.

If he wants to know what other surprises he may encounter, I'd say my biggest surprise is I had no idea my wife could get even more beautiful and sexy year after year while still wielding a razor sharp wit and intellect.
 
And then you'll have those moments when someone comes back after you post something about people sucking with something really sweet that makes you feel bad.
 
SeatClutcher said:
Biggest surprise: even when you've found that one person you actually do want to be with forever, there'll still be those moments of tension and discomfort that you thought were only supposed to happen with other people, and that you thought were supposed to go away after the first year. The "perfect" relationships you read about or see in movies or fantasize about always neglect to factor in the very real human factor: now and then, one of you will think the other totally sucks.
Click to expand...

Y'know, this is very true. So very, very, very true. Something that my ex-wife and I should have realized.

My mom and stepfather do premarital couples counseling through their church, and while they wouldn't characterize it that way, they sum up the same idea regularly...

Mom describes it sort of like a set of parallel lines following an hourglass shape...there will be times when your respective lines are very close together, and others where they are further apart. If you take a longer view of the relationship and realize that it's a natural part of being together, then you can plan for how to deal with that. Sage advice, I thought.

Nice post, Kristin.
 
killbilly said:
Y'know, this is very true. So very, very, very true. Something that my ex-wife and I should have realized.

My mom and stepfather do premarital couples counseling through their church, and while they wouldn't characterize it that way, they sum up the same idea regularly...

Mom describes it sort of like a set of parallel lines following an hourglass shape...there will be times when your respective lines are very close together, and others where they are further apart. If you take a longer view of the relationship and realize that it's a natural part of being together, then you can plan for how to deal with that. Sage advice, I thought.

Nice post, Kristin.
Click to expand...
i kinda view it like a yin yang, wavelength or sin/cosine graph (it's the enginerd in me, i can't pick just one HAHA)....

sometimes, your yin is complementary to his yang and wavelengths are similar....and then sometimes, you're on the positive end of the wave, he's at the negative and you feel so far apart, you wonder how it happened, why and what to do about it...sometimes you know what happened and it's easily fixed, sometimes it takes more time...just mainly depends on the communication level....always, ALWAYS communicate to keep the yin yang in proportion

thing to do is just not worry about it, let it wash over and figure it'll come back to yin/yang at some point..hopefully sooner than later. all relationships have these wavelength like flows, it's a matter of realizing when it's happening and understanding that it's just part of the flow of relationship progression.

but yea... i agree that every now and again during the many years to come...either one of you or both will think how did i get into this, can i get out of this... and overall, you suck. we've heard that it's perfectly normal :D

but i have to admit, marriage is very nice...the burden of having other men/women come pawing on your "digs" goes away and you kinda settle into this coupledom/roomate deal where everything is shared. granted, i don't always like to share everything but knowing i have someone to share things with is a lot of FUN! if you don't like sharing, do yourself and herself a favor and don't get married....there's nothing wrong with being partners without the certificate anymore (even with kids). remember that you're supposed to be partners in crime (so to speak) and with that, there is nothing that you know that your "partner in crime" shouldn't know...they are technically supposed to be your one and only confidant and the one person you can always turn to for absolutely anything. treat it as such and you'll be rewarded with a many good years of a confident relationship.
 
it'd be WAY too cold by the time i and it get to Milan toots :p

i mean, you don't want cold chick'n pot pie now do you?

btw, isn't it a bit early for you to be up or are you still up?
 
Kristie said:
if you don't like sharing, do yourself and herself a favor and don't get married....
Click to expand...

This is probably true except for when it comes to food. I will not share my food unless there's a gun to my head. Not even with Ian. It doesn't mean I don't love him, though.

(I should note - because he told me to - that Ian happily shares his food with me.)
 
Going from the standard single dude life to being married, my bigest shock was how expensive furniture is.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top