Getting married. What were your surprises?
- Thread starter Cessnaflyer
- Start date
Cessnaflyer
Wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
Awesome thank you for the advice.
Well it looks like we agreed to move into an apartment together instead of buying a house and saving for later.
Well it looks like we agreed to move into an apartment together instead of buying a house and saving for later.
soonerpilot06
Well-Known Member
God. Family. Work. In that order.
BrewMaster
Well-Known Member
That's what we did/are doing right now. I have no regrets about renting right now, mostly because we are both so busy and can't sit still long enough to enjoy a house. Have some fun and settle into the house later.
killbilly
Vocals, Lyrics, Triangle, Washboard, Kittens
Lots of great advice here. My biggest surprise (hope I don't lose the man card) was, after being in a not good marriage, how great marriage CAN be when you marry the right one.
Yknow, I'm not there yet, but....starting to see a glimmer of that logic.
aloft
New Member
Which is ironic, given the incentive the financial industry has to get you into a position with a poor credit history. I'm not talking subprime because of the huge risk of defaults there, but lenders make a lot more money off people with mediocre credit than off those with good credit.
Fly_Unity
Well-Known Member
An apartment cost around 600 a month (at least where Im living) a monthly payment on a house if you build is around 900 a month, you get a way nicer house and the money is actually going to yourself instead of someone else.
Just remember, that 900 a month isn't really going to yourself for a while. For a good number of years most of that payment is interest. As a homeowner you're also responsible for maintenance - while 900 a month may sound doable, do you have $5,000 sitting around for a new HVAC unit for when it breaks? Most importantly, the new home buyer has purchased a good amount of risk. A renter who can no longer afford their rent can walk away with some lease-breaking fees. A homeowner who can't pay their mortgage is bound by the market and whether or not they can sell their home. Even if they can, if they are upside down on it they face a short sale or foreclosure.
Homeownership can be a great investment and a great experience if the buyer is adequately prepared. Waiting it out until you are is well worth it.
(That wasn't directed at you, unity - it was just some ramblings and musings to the crowd).
fly22
Well-Known Member
Surprises:
How difficult in-laws could be after a few life experiences.
How much compromising really takes place.
Advise:
Don't listen to anyones advise. You are a 100% unique individual as is your wife. Thus your relationship is 100% unique beast. FIND YOUR RHYTHM. Don't compare just adjust.
Argue naked. Seriously try it, things don't stay serious for too long and next thing you know youre killing 2 birds with one stone.
How difficult in-laws could be after a few life experiences.
How much compromising really takes place.
Advise:
Don't listen to anyones advise. You are a 100% unique individual as is your wife. Thus your relationship is 100% unique beast. FIND YOUR RHYTHM. Don't compare just adjust.
Argue naked. Seriously try it, things don't stay serious for too long and next thing you know youre killing 2 birds with one stone.
That has got to be the best advice I have ever heard. In fact, I'm copying that for my FB & Twitter status!
Qgar
New Member
:rotfl: I like the idea! I'm not married but it may be worth it to start an argument with the BF just to try it out. :crazy:
E_Dawg
Moderator
I know nothing about marriage but as far as home ownership it's not nearly as simple as buying a place and immediately all your payments go to something that's "yours".
Sure, in 30yrs (or whatever) you'll own the place but there is a LOT more that goes into it than that... most of which I learned AFTER I bought. Not necessarily a bad things, but lessons after the fact that would have been better to know going in. Don't mean to sidetrack the thread so I'll stop at that.
Alinator
New Member
The shirtless man who jumped out of the closet when I came home early from a trip. That or my Asian son (my wife and I are not Asian).
Alinator
New Member
In addition to midgets and humor, I may be able to actually positively contribute here.
Married for almost 2 years, and have learned that marriage is a lot of compromise and you should never, ever look back to how 'easy' things were when you were single, which in itself presented an entirely different set of problems.
Give and take, and don't sweat the small stuff is the simplest, best advice I can give.
When we date it is often easier to overlook perceived flaws in our respective mates, but when you get married those differences/flaws can become more noticeable. Realize that when you marry someone, you accept them as they are, and vice-versa. Don't try to change anyone or mold them into who you think they should be, and of course vice versa. Bad idea.
Choose your battles wisely, 99% of the time the things that couples argue about are small, insignificant things anyway (unless it's about watching a football game, in which case the man is always right).... :beer:
Married for almost 2 years, and have learned that marriage is a lot of compromise and you should never, ever look back to how 'easy' things were when you were single, which in itself presented an entirely different set of problems.
Give and take, and don't sweat the small stuff is the simplest, best advice I can give.
When we date it is often easier to overlook perceived flaws in our respective mates, but when you get married those differences/flaws can become more noticeable. Realize that when you marry someone, you accept them as they are, and vice-versa. Don't try to change anyone or mold them into who you think they should be, and of course vice versa. Bad idea.
Choose your battles wisely, 99% of the time the things that couples argue about are small, insignificant things anyway (unless it's about watching a football game, in which case the man is always right).... :beer:
MFT1Air
Mfalme Soleimani
Let's see here. . .I went over 32 years of marriage this past October.
Surprises:
How difficult in-laws could be after a few life experiences.
How much compromising really takes place.I tell my wife constantly she had to have been FEDEX'd into her family. Everytime one of her kinfolk comes over or they call, I believe I'm entering a Twilight Zone (black and white version) episode.
Compromise? I have been "Dudley Do Wrong" for so long in my house, I can't think straight each time I walk into my own home. . .(I think I know what I just said, but I really don't know, for I'm typing this from home.) Help me. . .
So true, when it's "on" . . .it's really on! Nothing can stop it.
:argue:
Sorry, short timer "married" thought process there. Have to disagree with the nude perspective. As gravity may force most males to acquiesce in an argument due to the immediate transference of blood downward , that doesn't happen with women. They know it's always there for them. . .hello? Married! They also marvel at how their words help to make that "transition" like a roller coaster. . .up/down/up/down/up/down. . .
. . .I just as soon put some clothes on, sit down and discuss, then seek closure to a discussion before I "move on." :love:
SurfandSun
Well-Known Member
I think I can offer you some pretty good advice based off personal experience as a married guy for three years, a pilot, and having lots of experience as a mortgage broker over the past eight years...
1. I see that you are a CFI. I have no problem with people buying a house and normally it's a solid move. However, in your case I would just make sure that you can rent the house for what it costs you each month because you don't want a house to hold back your career goals.
2. You got to communicate with your wife. I can tell you that every time my wife has asked me what is wrong and I say that "I'm fine" that we end up talking it out later. There is a saying that goes: Don't go to bed angry.
3. Combining income and savings was an issue the first year and then talking about having kids became the main topic after that. I guess the key here is that there will always be challenges that are going to come your way. After you get squared away with the challenges between you and wife you will start having challenges brought on by your kids, in laws or whatever.
In closing, keep your monthly overhead low, communicate with your wife and let stuff roll off your back and you will be all good.
1. I see that you are a CFI. I have no problem with people buying a house and normally it's a solid move. However, in your case I would just make sure that you can rent the house for what it costs you each month because you don't want a house to hold back your career goals.
2. You got to communicate with your wife. I can tell you that every time my wife has asked me what is wrong and I say that "I'm fine" that we end up talking it out later. There is a saying that goes: Don't go to bed angry.
3. Combining income and savings was an issue the first year and then talking about having kids became the main topic after that. I guess the key here is that there will always be challenges that are going to come your way. After you get squared away with the challenges between you and wife you will start having challenges brought on by your kids, in laws or whatever.
In closing, keep your monthly overhead low, communicate with your wife and let stuff roll off your back and you will be all good.
Screaming_Emu
Well-Known Member
:clap:
When you get to know somebody really well, you can tell when something is wrong. I've found that most of the time if you (or the other person) plays the "I'm fine..." game, both of you think about it too much until it turns into something much worse than it was.
But if we talk about it right away its "oh...that's it? Yeah, we can fix that"