Funniest thing you have heard over the radio?

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Sometimes controllers think that pilots are retarded... and sometimes at any sign of a question or problem some Northeast controllers will get this short, condescending attitude. A couple days ago, I was about 60 miles out, inbound to ABE. One controller handed me off and I check in with the next.

Me: Citation XXXX, descending 10,000 for 8,000
Center: Citation XXXX, Roger, let me know when you want to turn towards ABE
Me: Um, I'm pretty sure I'm direct ABE right now, Citation XXXX
Center: Citation XXXX, No, it's off left at 9 o'clock (annoyed)
Me: Ok, I'm showing it's 12 o'clock and 55 miles, we're squawking XXXX
Center: Citation XXXX, No, you're wrong it's off to you left, you must have the wrong airport (getting more annoyed)
Some airline guy chuckling in the background when he was checking in.....
Me: The FMS, GPS, VOR, and map are all telling me that Alpha Bravo Echo is 12 o'clock and 53 miles
Center: No, you have the wrong airport (really mad, annoyed voice).
Capt: Listen sir, you have us confused with someone else
Center: Not sure.... ok.... yes... I do...
Center: Sorry about that
 
ryan1234 said:
Sometimes controllers think that pilots are retarded... and sometimes at any sign of a question or problem some Northeast controllers will get this short, condescending attitude. A couple days ago, I was about 60 miles out, inbound to ABE. One controller handed me off and I check in with the next.

Me: Citation XXXX, descending 10,000 for 8,000
Center: Citation XXXX, Roger, let me know when you want to turn towards ABE
Me: Um, I'm pretty sure I'm direct ABE right now, Citation XXXX
Center: Citation XXXX, No, it's off left at 9 o'clock (annoyed)
Me: Ok, I'm showing it's 12 o'clock and 55 miles, we're squawking XXXX
Center: Citation XXXX, No, you're wrong it's off to you left, you must have the wrong airport (getting more annoyed)
Some airline guy chuckling in the background when he was checking in.....
Me: The FMS, GPS, VOR, and map are all telling me that Alpha Bravo Echo is 12 o'clock and 53 miles
Center: No, you have the wrong airport (really mad, annoyed voice).
Capt: Listen sir, you have us confused with someone else
Center: Not sure.... ok.... yes... I do...
Center: Sorry about that
Click to expand...

haha i love that

A few weeks back we were out of BOS going to LGA, just approaching MAD I believe, we were all dealing with Tstorms that were appearing around the CT\NY border, on with NY App

me: Pilatus xxx checking on xxxx
NY: Pilatus xxx decend maintain xxxx proceed direct RYMES
me: uhhh...alright direct RYMES I guess
ny: THANK YOU

He then proceeds to get bombarded with calls, deals with a few guys that started ticking him off because of the weather. I know direct Rymes wasn't good for us because thats next to HPN, I call him back when I can get a word in

me:NY Pilatus xxx what do you show our routing after RYMES
NY: WESTCHESTER SIR! YOUR DESTINATION!
me: uhhh roger..we're going to lga SIR
NY: (open mic, you can hear strips being handled) Pilatus xxx I see this too i'm sorry, i'm very sorry about that, fly heading xxx sorry
 
Going to TEB the other day, Washington calls us out to an Eclipse that's opposite direction and 1000' below. Eclipse pilot replies "we'll look for him, but we're both pretty small." I responded with "I'm pretty big.". Don't know if anyone got it, but I sure was proud of myself for being so witty.
 
Here is another one that I heard about a week ago

KA: Stockton Ground, King Air ###XX, off the active at hotel, taxi Atlantic
GND: King Air ###XX, Stockton Ground, taxi to Atlantic via Bravo, Good Morning (it is almost 1800 local)
KA: Atlantic via bravo (sounding confused)
*pause*
GND: Correction, Good Evening.
KA: Okay, that's more like it, I was starting to wondering, where I was, and if I was actually here, and if I wasn't here where I was.
 
ORD inbound ground is tryng to find out way a Lindbergh jet is stop on Bravo after 4 or 5 calls.
ORD GND: All Lindbergh's stop where you are, none of you can move till Lindbergh XXXX talks to me or moves.

Also last week on outbound ground

ORD GND: Why are you guys talking? I am the only one who should be talking you should only be listening and not talking.


The best was two days ago going into ILM

We had been asking for lower for over 75 miles. They stated us down from 36,000 to 8K about 30 miles from the airport.

Washington CTR: Eagle Flight 4XXX KILM 5 miles 12 O'clock do you have the airport in sight?
ME: I sure it is, but we are still at FL300
 
Gonzo said:
ORD inbound ground is tryng to find out way a Lindbergh jet is stop on Bravo after 4 or 5 calls.
ORD GND: All Lindbergh's stop where you are, none of you can move till Lindbergh XXXX talks to me or moves.

Also last week on outbound ground

ORD GND: Why are you guys talking? I am the only one who should be talking you should only be listening and not talking.


The best was two days ago going into ILM

We had been asking for lower for over 75 miles. They stated us down from 36,000 to 8K about 30 miles from the airport.

Washington CTR: Eagle Flight 4XXX KILM 5 miles 12 O'clock do you have the airport in sight?
ME: I sure it is, but we are still at FL300
Click to expand...

Sounds like Mexico!
 
Gonzo said:
ORD inbound ground is tryng to find out way a Lindbergh jet is stop on Bravo after 4 or 5 calls.
ORD GND: All Lindbergh's stop where you are, none of you can move till Lindbergh XXXX talks to me or moves.

Also last week on outbound ground

ORD GND: Why are you guys talking? I am the only one who should be talking you should only be listening and not talking.


The best was two days ago going into ILM

We had been asking for lower for over 75 miles. They stated us down from 36,000 to 8K about 30 miles from the airport.

Washington CTR: Eagle Flight 4XXX KILM 5 miles 12 O'clock do you have the airport in sight?
ME: I sure it is, but we are still at FL300
Click to expand...

Get Dirty and drop the anchor.
 
Gonzo said:
We had been asking for lower for over 75 miles. They stated us down from 36,000 to 8K about 30 miles from the airport.

Washington CTR: Eagle Flight 4XXX KILM 5 miles 12 O'clock do you have the airport in sight?
ME: I sure it is, but we are still at FL300
Click to expand...

Coming in from offshore? Happened to us also. We were in the Hawker, stopping in to clear customs. Crossed the shoreline at somewhere around 17,000. Made a bet with Approach that we could make 35 without any turns. Tower apparently got in on it, and subsequently thanked us for the free beer he had just won.
 
A Mexican Lear: Buenas Tardes Albuquerque Lear Jet XA-### 360.
Center: XA-### Albuquerque Center roger. HASTA LA VISTA.
Random Pilot: Just like my short lived ex-wife. Said goodbye right when I said hello.
 
Today there was a Strongman competition at LGB, and ground was having a discussion with a pilot about it. Some pilot chimed in that he could do it by himself.
 
Doing a pretty good XC to Alexandria, LA from Addison. Picking up our clearance from ground.

Us: "Addison ground, Seminole XXXXX clearance to Alexandria please."
Ground: "Seminole XXXXX, Aaaaaaddison ground. Clearance on request, would you like your clearance read in English or Cajun?"
Silence.
Us: "Anglish please!"
Ground: "You aren't any fun."
Us: "Hit us with it then."

Ground: Unreadable transmission in a cajun accent that sounds vaguely like an IFR clearance to some airport somewhere.

Us: "Yeah, say again please. English this time."

Turns out the guy used to work there. He was still on duty when we got back around dark and asked us how the trip went and where we ate. Really cool. Always loved the controllers at ADS.
 
Screaming_Emu said:
Sounds like Mexico!
Click to expand...

Oh, God...

"Freight 1234, radar contact, say heading and altitude, report 40 North of Pendejo VOR."

Wait...if I'm reporting heading and altitude, and have to report 40 North of some crap-ass VOR, then am I really in radar contact.

Or 3 miles from the IAF, with 13,000' of altitude to lose, and I'm still not cleared down.

"Correct"
 
ppragman said:
Oh, God...

"Freight 1234, radar contact, say heading and altitude, report 40 North of Pendejo VOR."

Wait...if I'm reporting heading and altitude, and have to report 40 North of some crap-ass VOR, then am I really in radar contact.

Or 3 miles from the IAF, with 13,000' of altitude to lose, and I'm still not cleared down.

"Correct"
Click to expand...

Every 5 mins over the Amazon going to GIG or GRU... "uhhh continental 129 ITENCH"
 
ppragman said:
Oh, God...

"Freight 1234, radar contact, say heading and altitude, report 40 North of Pendejo VOR."

Wait...if I'm reporting heading and altitude, and have to report 40 North of some crap-ass VOR, then am I really in radar contact.

Or 3 miles from the IAF, with 13,000' of altitude to lose, and I'm still not cleared down.

"Correct"
Click to expand...

He went back to sleep. :bandit:
 
ppragman said:
Oh, God...

"Freight 1234, radar contact, say heading and altitude, report 40 North of Pendejo VOR."

Wait...if I'm reporting heading and altitude, and have to report 40 North of some crap-ass VOR, then am I really in radar contact.

Or 3 miles from the IAF, with 13,000' of altitude to lose, and I'm still not cleared down.

"Correct"
Click to expand...

Lol Pendejo VOR...
 
Anyone else remember a Boston center guy who always gave altitudes in US currency? "Descend to 3,500 feet, 3 dollars and 50 cents" or something similar to that. Late 80's or early 90's.
 
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