For the married women

[Ian_J]

Yup. Kris was just gone for three months. When she left she had no idea how long she'd be gone. Right up until she returned home, she had no idea how long she'd be gone. Yeah, it sucked big monkey balls to be separated for that long (however I was in Iraq for a year... talk about an absence for an undetermined amount of time!), but it was just something she had to do. I understood.

As to the OP's original situation: I remember a JC member who hasn't posted in a while whose husband was desperately trying to become an airline pilot. However, he simply couldn't get the appropriate time-building jobs where his family lived and his career lanquished as he struggled to build time. His family suffered financially as his part time CFI job really didn't pay the bills, and his time with his family suffered as he had to get a 2nd job to help support them.

Had they been willing to have him move away for a short period of time to get a good time building job he would have been able to get an airline job sooner, put their family on a better financial track, and would have been able to spend more time together eventually. As long as everyone shares a common goal, short term pain can lead to long term gain. (And I believe that eventually the family I'm referring to finally did do just what I described.)

 

[Sprint100]

As a married (happily so!) woman, I can agree with what you wrote if, and only if, the time is in fact "undetermined." That is, if Ian were to say, "Kris, I gotta go do this thing. I could be gone two months, I could be gone ten years. I really don't know," I might think he was a little too okay with leaving me.

On the other hand, if there were something he needed to do for himself, for me to say "No! I must be with you!" and, in effect, keep him from trying to achieve his goals or see his dreams through, that would not be love. That would be selfishness. The same would hold true were he to try to keep me from achieving my goals or dreams just so we could be in close physical proximity.

That someone has things s/he wants to do with her/his life doesn't mean those things are more important than the love interest - they can easily be equally important. How strong can we be as individuals if we forsake our own needs and give up on what we hope to do just so we can be a couple? And what kind of person would ask someone to not do something they love?

Isn't the best part of being in a relationship that you have someone who loves you and wants to see you do things that make you happy?

RICHARD5 you owe SeatClutcher a round of her beverage of choice, but here comes the important part, make sure it stays cool with Ian!!!!

 

[SeatClutcher]

RICHARD5 you owe SeatClutcher a round of her beverage of choice, but here comes the important part, make sure it stays cool with Ian!!!!

I would like a vodka tonic, please. And it only has to be okay with ME, as I would be the one having the beverage.

 

[RICHARD5]

I don't get the owing a drink to anyone. Not to say I wouldn't share, just that I don't get it.

 

[SeatClutcher]

I don't get the owing a drink to anyone. Not to say I wouldn't share, just that I don't get it.

I'm not sure, either, but I'll usually take one.

 

[Airdale]

I'm no expert and certainly not a married woman, but I think communication is the key. Maybe you just haven't communicated enough Richard. My wife and I are always talking about how we feel, why we feel that way and what our plans are and more importantly - limitations are.

Relationships have limitations like airplanes too. I always make sure she understands that she is more important than these silly airplanes, but together we work to satisfy the relationship from all angles.

The only advice I can give is communicate.

 

[MusketeerMan]

First off...I'm a happily married man, so take the advice if you want to.

Seriously though, marriages are tough. My only advice to you if you truly want it to work is to go out and spend some serious time with a counselor if there are other issues. Don't go to an aviation forum where everyone and their mother is/has derailed this thread.

My .02