Funny/Interesting things heard on the radio.

So, awhile back I'm flying into North Las Vegas through the Las Vegas Bravo airspace in a Cherokee. My first time in Bravo airspace. I wanted the Rocks1 arrival and had studied it for weeks. Of course, it wasn't available so the tower gave me a heading to fly. I think it was 035. I was nervous.

After flying for about half a minute on a heading of 350 tower calls me and says "Niner Four Juliet...if you want to continue on your heading that's fine. But if you look to your left you will see jets. They will hit you. If you'd like to fly the 035 heading I gave you it might be a good idea."

Never felt so small...oh, no wait...there was the return trip....Flying out of North Las Vegas, talking to ground...my flying partner (we switch flying and nav/comm duties each leg) was doing the talking. They gave him the directions to the runway and he didn't give the full readback. They started over. He dropped a few important things again. They started over. He dropped one thing. They started over. He said "Ya, we're gonna do that". When the ground guy came back on the radio to start over again you could hear multiple voices in the backgrounglaughing....HARD. My flying partner said after takeoff "They were laughing at me, weren't they?" All I could say was "Yep, they sure were Buddy". Needless to say (isn't it?) we've both gotten A LOT better since then.
 
Going to Winchester, VA one clear Sunday afternoon, the weekend warriors were out in force. I was IFR, westbound at 6,000, talking to Potomac Approach. He wanted flight following somewhere, but his first 4 calls consisted of "Potomac Approach, Cherokee 6384W, do you read?". He repeated it over and over for about 5 minutes. Of course Approach knew what he wanted and was quite busy, so he ignored him. After the 5th or 6th call, approach finally responded with "yes, I read occasionally, what can I help you with?"

When he handed me off to the next sector, I couldn't help but to say "enjoy your reading material."
 
I was doing touch-n-go's at Falcon Field in Mesa, AZ. At falcon their are many flight schools of varying sizes including a somewhat larger one that has a LOT of foreign students. I wont say the name but it starts with SA and ends with BENA. While on short approach for 4L a Diamond DA-40 was cleared for take-off on 4R. Just after my take-off and while on upwind of 4L this was heard from tower.

Tower: Cherokee ###(me) watch out for a Diamond taking off 4R 1 o-clock about 300 ft above you and drifting north.
Me: Diamond in sight; cherokee ###
(Diamond continues to drift north)
(Cessna inbound makes a position report and intentions... yadayada... normal stuff)
Tower: Cessna ### traffic is a Diamond leaving 4R drifting north
Cessna: Looking for traffic, cessna ###
(Diamond continues to drift north)
(Arrow behind us also doing touch-n-gos)
Tower: Arrow ### cleared touch-n-go 4L, on the go make left traffic, watch out for a Diamond taking off 4R that is drifting north(said slowly and clearly).
(Diamond continues to drift north)

By the time we turned crosswind the diamond was just ahead but almost directly over us.
 
"Piper XXXX, you are cleared to wander aimlessly west of the Salem airport."


I once flew with a captain who added something to "your controls.." prior to a takeoff.

"Get us out of here, Chewie!"
 
Got another Kalitta one for you guys. I was up in the wee hours of the morning, 2-ish AM, in the BGR area. On Bangor Approach/Departure:

Bangor Departure, Connie 123 climbing eight-hundred for 10 thousand.

connie 123 Radar Contact, turn left on course.

on course connie 123.

a couple minutes pass.

Connie 123, can you pick the climb rate up, there are people trying to sleep down there.

Hey, anything over 500 feet per minute is doing good.

So you are doing 501?

actually 550.

46492 (thats me) can you descend to 1500, there is a 747 lumbering around out there waking everyone up.
 
Controllers occasionally suffer from "clock dyslexia" when issuing traffic. I was witness to this exchange at one of my approach control facilities:

Controller: Traffic, ten o'clock, three miles, westbound, nine thousand, a seven twenty seven

Pilot: Looking... uh, there is someone over at TWO o'clock... appears to be at nine

Controller: Yeah, that's him... sorry about that.. I was using Greenwich time
 
Oh, I love the ones that go like this:

"Potomac, Cessna 12345, requesting squawk for ADIZ entry."

"Cessna 12345, you're on guard."

"Yeah, well so are you."

Seems like I'll hear at least a couple of those a month. I'm not sure who's being the bigger ass -- the guy saying you're on guard or the guy who thinks he's got a smart ass comment back but who really looks like a dumb ass.
 
tonyw said:
"Cessna 12345, you're on guard."

"Yeah, well so are you."
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I love those! :)

The one's I don't love are when you're over the ocean monitoring 123.45 for air-to-air and 121.5 on the other comm.

Someone starts talking about non-sequiturs over guard and for the next three minutes, people are stepping on one another with the "yer on GUAAAARD!"

"You're on WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"OOOOOOOP WOOOOO You're WOOOOOOOOOOOO"

"WOOOP you're on Ga WOOOOOOOOOP"

...deselecting COM1...
 
well this isnt funny but i thought it was interesting. you kinda get to know the controllers voices when you fly in an area for a while. anyway maybe two months ago i was cruising along and an anchorage center controller, that i knew only by voice over the past couple years, gave someone lower and then said. "well you all have a good flight this is the last broadcast of my atc carrier, goodnight" i just thought that was awesome to be able to hear and couldnt help but thank him for all his help over the years.
 
Me and my buddy heard this while departing Tucson. A C-153 was also leaving Tucson and a 737 was on its way in....

Tucson App: Cessna 123, traffic is a 737, 12 oclock 8 miles.
Cessna 123: Looking for traffic.

a minute goes by

Tucson App: Cessna 123, inbound traffic 12 oclock 4 miles
Cessna 123: Looking for traffic.

a few more seconds go by

Tucson App: Cessna 123, traffic 12 oclock 1 mile, same altitude, do you see him yet?
Cessna 123: Negative.
Tucson App: Cessna 123.....LOOK OUT THE WINDOW
 
Well this one is less of what I heard and more what I didn't hear: :)

At an uncontrolled strip where I did some training there was a decent amount of crop dusting activity. One of the guys flew an open cockpit, radial engine plane (sorry, that's all I know).
Some of the pilots were pretty scarce on radio calls but this guy did better than most. The problem is that his radio was not set up for the engine/wind noise and all you heard was "ZZZssssZZZZssssZZZZ" and maybe an occasional word tossed in "Runway 2----sssZZ"
I guess better than nothing...made me chuckle a few times anyway.
 
got two for ya.

flying into Providence calling in range to ops

me: Prov ops Comair1234 in range
ops: morning Comair 1234, copy in range, any specials?
me: just the capt and the FO ma'am


best was this past trip flying from CVG to JFK. the controller was funny as heck and kept saying "Gigidty" after every transmission

ATC: AMR32 climb maintain FL310, Gigidty
AMR32 : (gigiling) Climb FL310, AMR32
ATC: Continental1234 switch to NY 123.45, Gigidty
Continental1234: 123.45 continental1234, gigidty
ATC: gigidty goo
AMR32: uh, center, just for the record we are experiencing STRONG head winds
ATC: Giggiiiddttyyy

for the whole time with this controler EVERYONE was laughing as they spoke to him. oh, yeah and the best part was my Capt (who nows not the Gigidty) when he asked me:

"whats the identifier for Gigidty, i don't remember"....oh my god i almost craped myself when he said that
 
I heard one that was something to the extent of "Cessna with you direct Niagara" and the controller something like "What your direct Viagra or either you need Viagra"
 
dakovich said:
best was this past trip flying from CVG to JFK. the controller was funny as heck and kept saying "Gigidty" after every transmission

ATC: AMR32 climb maintain FL310, Gigidty
AMR32 : (gigiling) Climb FL310, AMR32
ATC: Continental1234 switch to NY 123.45, Gigidty
Continental1234: 123.45 continental1234, gigidty
ATC: gigidty goo
AMR32: uh, center, just for the record we are experiencing STRONG head winds
ATC: Giggiiiddttyyy

for the whole time with this controler EVERYONE was laughing as they spoke to him. oh, yeah and the best part was my Capt (who nows not the Gigidty) when he asked me:

"whats the identifier for Gigidty, i don't remember"....oh my god i almost craped myself when he said that
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Was Quagmire the controller? LOL. :rotfl:
 
I received this today...

"Tower....uh...can you remind me of the altimeter you just gave the other aircraft?"

students are awesome! It's a continuous learning cycle for controllers and pilots alike!
 
Second hand, but still funny... a friend of mine was taking a T-38 into Carswell AFB several years ago [back when 1) it had B-52s and 2) it was open] and a B-52 came up on tower freq.

Buff: "Tower, BUFF 23 is with you, looking for a controlled T/O time of 1305 local."

Twr: "Buff 23, roger, could I get that in zulu?"

Buff 23: "Sure...[responds with a long string of clicks, hums, and buzzes... think of Starvin Marvin from South Park]"

You just gotta wonder how long the guy had been WAITING for some controller to ask him that!
 
Was doing touch n go's at TKI a couple weeks ago, with a few other planes in the pattern. We were on a long downwind, #2 for 17...there was (I think) a Piper in front of us in the pattern.

"Piper XXX, cleared to land 17, number 1 for the runway, there's a Cessna behind you on a long downwind. (referring to us)"
"Cleared to land Piper XXX, we have the Cessna traffic in sight."

A minute goes by...then we hear this...

TKI Tower: "Ouch!"
Piper XXX: "It looked worse than it was."
 
Fly4Pay said:
Second hand, but still funny... a friend of mine was taking a T-38 into Carswell AFB several years ago [back when 1) it had B-52s and 2) it was open] and a B-52 came up on tower freq.

Buff: "Tower, BUFF 23 is with you, looking for a controlled T/O time of 1305 local."

Twr: "Buff 23, roger, could I get that in zulu?"

Buff 23: "Sure...[responds with a long string of clicks, hums, and buzzes... think of Starvin Marvin from South Park]"

You just gotta wonder how long the guy had been WAITING for some controller to ask him that!
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:) :) :)

Great, now I'll spend the rest of my career waiting for a similar opportunity.
 
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