Ok after a few nights I can to come back to this post.
First off, thanks to those that reached out to me...those 12 hours after the incident wrecked me emotionally. I called off my next two legs and went home. I was driving myself crazy with "what if" scenarios and fleeting mortality questions non stop.
We were already on with Miami Center when N722BD checked on. I'm sure most have heard the transcript, I refuse to listen to it. I've heard hundreds of accident CVR's but to actually hear it live happening was something I just never thought I was going to experience. Not to mention a young girl only 13 years older than my own.
Full honesty when the her voice came over the radio in distress, there was a moment where this can't be real. I can't possibly be hearing what I'm hearing, a distressed airplane in real time??? Then the panicked voice of them going over 20,000 ft/min and that moment of we are going to live this girls final moments
(I know there was the other pilot and the passengers but we were hearing HER voice)
The Captain both looked at each other and we're in utter disbelief. After her 10,000 ft call we knew it was over...the radio frequency seemed to just stop as if everyone on frequency was realizing the same thing instantly. ATC asked a recently checked on Delta to broadcast on 121.5, so for the next 3 minutes we listened to a call for N722BD that we knew would never answer back.
We changed frequencies shortly after and now for the next 2 hours we had to sit there are contemplate what we just heard. We briefed that approach into Punta Cana 3 times because we kept forgetting that we did it. I barely remember getting to the hotel, I was a shell, just reliving the moments in my head. I didn't sleep that night.
I go to upgrade next month and then at 5 am realized that this girl was just building time, there's a chance she could have been my FO in 5 years...I lost it and called out.
Fast forward a day and I'm doing much better, I've spoken to Project Wingman (Americans Pilot support program)
I share this because I know there are dozen of other pilots that heard the same thing and will have vastly different responses to it. Some will go on like it's another Monday, others more extreme.
My point it use the resources that your company/union have and don't be scared to ask for help.
Adam