If your kid was a bum...

Just curious on your thoughts (I have mine). My sister has no drive at all. She's 19 and dropped out of college after her first semester and has been living at home since December. So, she gets a job a few weeks ago and quits after two days because "her boss yelled at her." So far, she hasn't been looking for a new job. She basically sits around all day and watches netflix/eats from the pantry. As the parent, what would you do in this situation?
 
Just curious on your thoughts (I have mine). My sister has no drive at all. She's 19 and dropped out of college after her first semester and has been living at home since December. So, she gets a job a few weeks ago and quits after two days because "her boss yelled at her." So far, she hasn't been looking for a new job. She basically sits around all day and watches netflix/eats from the pantry. As the parent, what would you do in this situation?

Charge her rent if she's not in school.

EDIT: Context really, really matters in situations like this.
 
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I'd go full hardass on her but sadly, it's too late. Your parents failed her already much like mine did with my little brother.
 
Show her compassion, figure out what she wants to do, then help her get there. Why is she like this? What motivates her in the morning to get out of bed? Start there.

My best friend (who I consider my brother) has a similar story, he dropped out of college, got into some trouble, and worked a series of temping jobs while he took technical classes at the community college. He lived with his folks for awhile, bounced between some crappy girlfriends and flirted with depression between hangovers while doing menial jobs and reading existential philosophy. He lived with us in Anchorage for awhile while trying to get back on his feet. He stayed with us for a year (for free), then went back to Oregon.

The whole time he was with us, we talked about his future and what he wanted out of life. He figured out what he wanted and now he's doing it. He lived with us while I worked an insanely time consuming job, a new baby, a pregnant wife, going from paycheck to paycheck with minimal money in the bank. Why did I help him out? Because he's my friend - and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. Today he's back in college, he's learning computer science (and doing well) and living with his folks, in another year, he'll enter society as a productive member, and will have a job skill. If he falls on hard times, I'll help him again. No questions asked.

Help people out, it's that simple. Give them the tools they need to succeed at what they want to do and they likely will, but they've gotta know what they want to do first. If it were me, I'd try to find out what motivates your sis, then go from there. Cracking the whip on her ain't going to work if she can retreat back to mama - and likely won't actually solve the problem. Being a hardass only works if the person believes that you have some authority over them - you're better off trying to motivate and encourage her to do something that she wants to do.
 
I can absolutely relate because I've got a handful of those in my own family.

I am not an optimist on these issues at all.

You will never change them. You can literally "hook them up" with all the tools for success where all they have to do is show up and magic will happen but alarm clocks don't get set, meetings are missed, "something" is going to pop up and the opportunity will be lost. I've heard the "my car didn't start" and "I didn't feel well" stories time and time again over the last few decades.

Because, after all, they're comfortable NOW without effort, but having to go to work is inconvenient, a hassle, people are mean and well, they've already got all they need and someone is going to die and leave them millions (ha!), they'll marry wealthy (ha!) or that powerball win is right around the corner (triple ha!)

I've tried for literally decades but at some point, I had to give up. Check up on them for general welfare, sit through a "I'm going to buy a house, should I do solar or geothermal?" story or two and the maddening "Mom is forgetful, she didn't pay my cell phone bill (on a factory fresh iPhone 6 plus) on time this month and i got charged a late fee".

I could write a gigabyte about low motivation family members and I wish I had a sunnier disposition for you.
 
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The girls 19. Keyword teen. Not allowed to drink or rent a car for a few more years for a reason.

I was a pretty unproductive member of society when I was a kid too. Its hard nowdays for the young. Our parents taught us go to school and get a good job its that easy. What they should have taught was work work work work work your ass off if you want to succeed.

But again. Shes 19. Graduated HS a year ago? Give it a break.

The statistics for people in their 20's who live at home still at startling.
 
In this day and age I don't think anyone is too concerned with where she lives. The telling part is that she quit a job after "getting yelled at" and didn't immediately get a new one. Netflix, food, and Internet all cost money so she's not motivated to change her lot in life.

My parents never once had to encourage me to find a job. Actually, when I was on the tail end of not walking for 3 years they encouraged me NOT to immediately go back to work.
 
In this day and age I don't think anyone is too concerned with where she lives. The telling part is that she quit a job after "getting yelled at" and didn't immediately get a new one. Netflix, food, and Internet all cost money so she's not motivated to change her lot in life.

My parents never once had to encourage me to find a job. Actually, when I was on the tail end of not walking for 3 years they encouraged me NOT to immediately go back to work.

Good for you, but not everyone is like that. WWJD? and all that.
 
Seeing as I'm an atheist I just told you what I'd do since the other "J" commonly used in that acronym doesn't exist. :D
 
Well, college for the most part is nothing more than expensive day care. Unless you're getting some sort of math/science/technical degree college is nothing more than a scam (but it makes you a well rounded individual-spare me). The girl is 19. She's a product of her environment. Her whole life society has told her to search for what makes her feel good, her body is nothing more than life support for her naughty bits and that someone will always provide for you aka your parents.
I'd say she's had a pretty hefty dose of reality since summer officially ended after the magical last summer of HS. It takes a different amount of time for everyone to find their way. I was 22 before I even took a discovery flight. I had gone to college a bit, hated it and worked BS go-nowhere jobs in the meantime. For some people HS-College-Job-Kids-Mortgage is a trap. Cut the poor girl some slack. Its a good thing she has your parents to support her. Just imagine where she'd be if she didn't.
 
Well, college for the most part is nothing more than expensive day care. Unless you're getting some sort of math/science/technical degree college is nothing more than a scam (but it makes you a well rounded individual-spare me). The girl is 19. She's a product of her environment. Her whole life society has told her to search for what makes her feel good, her body is nothing more than life support for her naughty bits and that someone will always provide for you aka your parents.
I'd say she's had a pretty hefty dose of reality since summer officially ended after the magical last summer of HS. It takes a different amount of time for everyone to find their way. I was 22 before I even took a discovery flight. I had gone to college a bit, hated it and worked BS go-nowhere jobs in the meantime. For some people HS-College-Job-Kids-Mortgage is a trap. Cut the poor girl some slack. Its a good thing she has your parents to support her. Just imagine where she'd be if she didn't.
I learned far more in college than what they taught in class.


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Your sister is not a bum. She doesn't want a J_O_B especially if she has had a few under her belt already. She has no drive because she is clueless about what she wants to do with her life. However,she knows what she does not want. Sounds like you give a damn about your sister so help her find something she likes doing besides what you say she does. Nobody wants to be a bum and it takes more effort being one than most people wish to believe. Help her find something she likes doing, something new!
 
I told my kids that after high school they better be in college, military or have a job because their rent is going up and that I was going to change the locks on the house.
I also reminded them that there is a big difference in supporting you and enabling you.
 
So... you're a dick. Gotcha.

Not sure that, that makes him a dick. Just sounds like he believes in a firm hand. Nothing wrong with that, and I agree. In my non-aviation job I see a lot of young kids 18-middle or late twenties with a supreme sense of entitlement. Brought on by their parents enabling them. It's sickening. My mom pretty much told me the same growing up. If you're in school making good grades you don't have to work. But if not you better have a job to stay here. Or a job an move out to your own place. But we couldn't stay home, without one of the two.
 
Not sure that, that makes him a dick. Just sounds like he believes in a firm hand. Nothing wrong with that, and I agree. In my non-aviation job I see a lot of young kids 18-middle or late twenties with a supreme sense of entitlement. Brought on by their parents enabling them. It's sickening. My mom pretty much told me the same growing up. If you're in school making good grades you don't have to work. But if not you better have a job to stay here. Or a job an move out to your own place. But we couldn't stay home, without one of the two.

Look, my kids are always welcome free in my house until I die. That doesn't mean I won't give them immeasurable grief for being a deadbeat if they abuse it, but they're always welcome, with no stipulations, for as long as I live. That's what being a parent is all about, the world is different. They may have the best intentions on earth and not be able to find a job, not be able to afford college, or may not feel right doing the military - regardless of where their minds are at and where they are in life, as long as I've got a home for them, my kids are welcome, rent free.
 
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