I am not married to someone in aviation, but I am happily married, while pursuing a career in aviation myself. I will do my best to give you some insight into what we have experienced.
I started out in aviation shortly after I got married in 2007. My wife and I were both committed to me "chasing the dream." Before I started flying, I read online and came up with the my career progression. I already had a degree, so I would hurry through my ratings while racking up a bit of student loan debt. I would get hired by a regional after obtaining my commercial certificate. (This wasn't unheard of at the time.) I planned on upgrading within 2 to 3 years at the regionals. Once I upgraded, it was a race to 1000 hours of turbine PIC. Once I hit that magic number, it was time to take my pick of majors to work at until retirement.
With this plan firmly in place, I began my training. I continued to work part time, while flying full-time. I paid for my training with student loans, while my wife worked full-time. She was very patient and understanding, since we had a firm goal in place. I will admit it was a bit humbling to have her paying the majority of the bills though. I reminded myself that this was only temporary. When I finished up my ratings, I was hit with the harsh reality that not many airlines were hiring. It was time to move onto plan B: flight instruction.
My first year of instructing was great. I flew about 1000 hours. I wasn't on Forbes list of billionaires, but I was certainly building time fast. I would be at an airline in no time. When I hit the 1200 hour mark, I began to get a bit burned out on instructing full-time. I was working 6 or 7 days a week to make a descent living. I decided to put instructing on the back burner for awhile since it looked like there was no hiring in the immediate future. I took a full time job outside of aviation while continuing to flight instruct part time. I had no intention of giving up on aviation during this time, but I wasn't sure that building more hours of piston single time was going to help me out. I flew enough to stay current and proficient, but non-aviation job allowed me to take a bit of the burden off of my wife for a while. I continued this path until mid to late 2010, when it looked like hiring was picking up.
At that time, I went back to instructing full time, to really make a run at the airlines. I instructed for 5 months while submitting applications to anyone that would allow me to. I got my first call in February 2011. I interviewed and was offered a position. I accepted the offer and took the first available class date. I started class in March. During the first week of class, the calls began rolling in from all of the other airlines I had applied with. I weighed my options, and decided to stick it out where I was. The company had just negotiated a contract, and most importantly, I was in class. I didn't take any of the other interviews.
I was finally an airline pilot! I was 3-4 years behind the original schedule, but here I was. We had met one of our milestones. Training was a bit stressful, but really a lot of fun. It was a big time commitment, but the excitement of the new career got my wife and I through the long spells apart. The process was a bit slow, due to sim availability, OE scheduling, and just general disorganization within the company. They were simply hiring a bit quicker than they were training. This wasn't all bad though. I actually had 6 weeks paid at home waiting on sim availability. Eventually, the checkride and OE were behind me. Everything had gone fairly uneventful. It was time to become a line pilot.
I was assigned EWR as my base as a new hire. I would be commuting from Las Vegas. I would do this until IAH became available. The first month was not bad. It was an adjustment, but it really wasn't bad. Because I wasn't able to bid for the current month, I was assigned a build-up line. I flew 4 day trips and commuted home the day each trip ended. I commuted back to EWR the day before each trip started, and spent the night in a crashpad. It was fairly close to what I imagined the job would be like. I spent a lot of time that month learning how to bid. I went through each of the lines and ranked them. I submitted my bid and was eager to see what my trips would look like for the next month.
When the new lines came out, I realized I was on reserve. On a positive note, I did have weekends off. I would be on reserve Monday - Friday from 1000 to 2400. I really didn't fly much outside of my consolidation of knowledge. This schedule became my life for the next 6 months or so. It was a bit frustrating on Fridays when I would scramble to get released early to catch the last Friday night flight to Vegas at 2030. Most Fridays I was not released. Instead, I would catch the first flight home on Saturday morning. I would be back in Vegas by 1100 on Saturday morning. Since there were no flights that left early enough on Monday, (due to the time change) I would commute back to EWR on Sunday afternoon. I spent an average of 24-30 hours a week at home. This was the most difficult time for my wife and I. Each time scheduling would not release me, I would be on the phone with my wife telling her I would not need picked up Friday night. It was sometimes hard to stay positive during this time. There was only 1 class hired after mine, and they were all assigned IAH as a base. I was stuck on reserve with nobody below me.
Things improved when I was eventually able to bid and be awarded standup lines. (You fly the last flight out of the hub, then the first flight back to the hub. You are considered on duty overnight.) The schedules were all 4 nights on, 4 nights off. I could commute in the day of my trip, and commute home the morning my trip ended. I really enjoyed standups, and had a good balance of time at work and time at home. I took standups whenever I could hold them until my preferential bid allowed me to transfer to IAH.
I really enjoyed the shorter commute to IAH. My commute was now only 3 hours. The downside was that now when I commuted I was sitting in the jumpseat. When I was commuting to EWR, there were empty seats about 50% of the time. Commuting to IAH, there were empty seats less than 10% of the time. It really wasn't an issue, it just made each commute a bit more nerve racking. I was always worried someone would beat me to the jumpseat, or a mainline pilot would show up and request it. It usually worked out though. The other downside to IAH, was that I was back on reserve. It was back to a small amount of time at home. I really didn't fly much in IAH either. I spent a lot of time away from home, but I was sitting in the crashpad most of the time. It would get a bit frustrating at times. It was especially hard on my wife. She was sacrificing so that I could pursue my dreams, and here I was complaining about it. During this time, we had a few talks about if this career was worth it. I was hardly home, I was making contractual minimum due to a lack of flying, and there was no real movement in sight. We were also expecting a little one in May 2012. (Remember all that time at home during standups)
In March of 2012, I got an offer to pursue a job as a corporate pilot in Vegas. I started the new job in April. The airline I had worked for filed bankruptcy around the same time that I left. Talk about lucky. I certainly appreciate my luck, but am truly sorry for all of the great people I worked with. I hear things have gotten pretty rough from the few friends that stuck it out. Many of my friends have started over at new regionals. They are back at the bottom of a seniority list. Most of them remain optimistic though. I myself am really enjoying the other side of the airport, and hope to make a career of it. It has been fantastic spending so much time with my wife and new daughter. It really is the best fit for me.
Now, I'm finished with my story and hope to give you my take on it. My journey has looked very little like the journey I intended to take. I now realize that my original timeline was completely unrealistic. I thought I would be handpicking my retirement airline right now. I am very far from that if I decide to go that route. With that said, I am making a living in aviation. That is what I want to do. I am happy with my choice. My wife has been very supportive through it all. If she was not, this never would have worked out. I would have given up aviation quite a while ago. I really believe it can work, but it is not easy. I don't think any amount of reading could have prepared me for what life was like commuting on reserve at a regional. It was something I had to experience for myself. I hope I don't come across as complaining though. I chose an airline based on the east coast while living in Las Vegas. I really believe the job would be significantly better living in base. It was tough commuting to sit reserve, but it was doable. It would have been much harder for me if my daughter was here during that time. It would have been even more difficult to start over at another regional with a new kiddo at home. I know this was long, but I hope it gives a bit of insight. My only advice is to go into the career with realistic expectations, and be ready for change.
An awesome forum - with lots of great information. 
