The Decision is in....
Well, another highly successful NJC has passed. Rex turns in the crown in style, with a complete 180 from last year.
The judges compiled what little evidence there was this year. Sifting thoroughly through the data as always, with a keen eye on what makes the Failboat Skipper crown such a proud and highly regarded title.
To be a Failboat Skipper, one must act in a manner that would surprise even the most grizzled reality TV executive (actually last year, Mark Burnett was rumored to say "WTF, over?" during the contest). It is not a singular act that elevates one to the position of "Failboat Skipper". The exalted position is achieved through multiple un-aware acts of such a surreal nature that observers often are left wondering if they have just seen a parody or such overt acting that it is incomprehensible that someone would willingly do so.
So, the anecdotes this year were pretty weak.
We had one case of an individual passing out in the bathroom. However, that's a private act, and perhaps one that could have affected this panel on the odd occasion. While being a massive inconvenience to a roomate that needs to "punch a grump", such a private act surely doesn't qualify.
Another wanna be was seen approaching a single lady at NJC in the skyvilla. Now, rolling up in a bathrobe over this individual's normal clothes is a good start. Adding to that, the finest of accessories being Boeing stickers attached to your TShirt made a bit of a case. However a quick departure after being summarily dismissed by the female does not a skipper make.
The odd-ender dropping a foot in the water feature isn't even a consideration. How could it be when the panel members almost accomplished the same feat sober?
Or jumping in the pool fully clothed? Passe`.
Ed Hardy shirt at the job fair? A good start, however it lacked the completeness of a full performance.
...and the popular candidate, Juxta. The judges don't really see a case here. Sure our man has issues regulating the inflow. Don't we all on occasion? The case breaker is that he doesn't fight, doesn't chase down potential mates and get shot down like a clay pigeon, and doesn't really make himself a spectacle. There are really no qualifying attributes.
So, what decisions are the judges left with?
There are only two scenarios the panel could entertain:
First, a group "Failboat" for the horde being far more interested in winning a headset than the women in the pool. Which makes the criteria of being a "WTF" moment, yet the lacks the specific individual failures.
Second, preserving the sanctity of the award.
In the end we find that the exalted position of "Failboat Skipper" is an award to be earned and not given. For that reason, there will be no Failboat Skipper of 2010.
Fear not good citizens, we feel 2011 will bring a new crop of contenders and strong field.