New Airline Bill

- Pilots with any kind of deficiency in flight training or testing will be removed from the line. Any training maneuvers that have been required to be demonstrated more than one time will be included in this provision.

So if I say "autothrottle instead of autothrottles" during the oral phase, well, there goes a 20 year career at the airlines. Niiiice.


- Any equipment that is not attached to the aircraft will not be allowed into the cockpit.

No headsets, woo hoo! Huh?! I can't hear you! So much for my calculator to figure to turn the center fuel pumps off when I'm flying relief.

- Pilots will be required to inform their airlines of their whereabouts and activities for the 24 hour period prior to duty during days off.

"Hi, Flight Control? I'm just sitting around the house, drinking beer, eating cheetoes and touched myself for a bit when I got into the shower..."

- Pilots will be allowed one bathroom break for every 2 hours flown, notifying the company each time a crewmember leaves the cockpit.

"Hello Chief Pilot? I'm leaving for a #1, but the crew meal gave me a tender tummy so I'd like a waiver to perhaps go in another 45 minutes".

- No conversations will be allowed in the cockpit that do not pertain to the operation of the aircraft.

I hope they have a waiver for snoring because cruise flight ain't all THAT exciting.

- Video and audio cockpit monitors will be installed with a live feed on all aircraft in airline service.

A new place to hang my hat! WOO HOO!

- Pilots will not be allowed to eat in the cockpit, as it could create unnecessary distractions.

So do I have to eat on my required crew rest? I can't eat and THEN immediately go to sleep so I guess I'll have to start requiring that we land short in Gander so I can (a) use the bathroom and (b) get some sleep before motoring on to Paris. Oh, after I call the dispatcher and notify him that in the last 24 hours, I was onboard the aircraft, tossing and turning in the rest facility, went to the hotel, got some sleep, took a shower, and rode the hotel shuttle to the airport.

Just trying to stay in compliance! :)

- Prior to employment, pilots require previous part 121 time. This will ensure experienced pilots in all airliner cockpits.

Dangutt! Well I guess there goes the stream of former military pilots at the airlines and everyone applying to a regional with part-91 or 135 experience. Also, no more corporate pilots in the 121 world! DOH!

- Pilots will be given no notice checkrides to ensure that they are proficient.

I guess I'll show up to work in JFK and get dragged off to the flight simulator which we don't have in NYC. Ahh!
 
No headsets, woo hoo! Huh?! I can't hear you! So much for my calculator to figure to turn the center fuel pumps off when I'm flying relief.

What do you do with your calculator? I count down on the ADI with the RA.... only way I rarely...er.. um.... don't ever forget to turn them off.

Thank goodness the n-dub planes have the mod where they burn the tanks to zero.....
 
Countdown on the ADI? Oooh, do tell! :)

I just look at the center tanks (X), then subtract X-1000+main tank fuel and see where that quantity close to matches Fuel Remaining on the flight plan and jot it down.

I jot that down, along with the fix nearest to the 90-minutes prior to oceanic.

I dunno, just more Dougisms!
 
You have got to be kidding me!?! Is this for real?

Questions I'd like to ask Congressman Carter on each point and some suggestions for the American people to keep them in check:

Point #1- If a pilot has a bad day in a checkride is it time to look for a new career? Because if that's the case there will be a pilot shortage.
  • Congressmen must be held to this same standard; one blunder and they're gone.
Point #2- Does this include cell phones, cause I use my cell phone to call FSS looking to get a release, or to call for takeoff data when the aircraft is negative ACARS. Alot of frequencies don't work so well.

Point #3- This is America, right?
  • Each Representitives should have to notify the American people were they've been, who they've talked with and whose been in their offices within 24 hours of a major vote.
Point #4- Will each cockpit be supplied with a Little John in case of emergencies within said period? (http://www.sportys.com/PilotShop/product/13087)

  • While Congress debates issues they will not be able to leave for bathroom breaks and should be supplied with the same funnel.
Point #5- Huh?

Point #6-
  • Congress should have video/audio feed in their offices at all times so we can monitor their actions and conversations.
Point #7- So will we get scheduled lunch and shorter snack breaks into our day?

Point #8- This combined with the first point will mean an even bigger pilot shortage.

Point #9- I'd go with this if they have unscheduled elections, no time to clean up their record, no time for fund-raising, no time to back-track. etc
 
No headsets, woo hoo! Huh?! I can't hear you! So much for my calculator to figure to turn the center fuel pumps off when I'm flying relief.

I'm sure they'll make a bill requiring all airliners to have a CAS message when you're required to turn the pumps on and off.

"Hi, Flight Control? I'm just sitting around the house, drinking beer, eating cheetoes and touched myself for a bit when I got into the shower..."

Fired for phone sex with flight control
 
TFR3D.gif
 
Countdown on the ADI? Oooh, do tell! :)

I just look at the center tanks (X), then subtract X-1000+main tank fuel and see where that quantity close to matches Fuel Remaining on the flight plan and jot it down.

I jot that down, along with the fix nearest to the 90-minutes prior to oceanic.

I dunno, just more Dougisms!

ah that's a good plan...esp when ya'll carry oodles and oodles of fuel in that center tank.

I just take the Center fuel... say...15,000 pounds.... then i dial up 150 on the RA and count down.

The green on the ADI right in front of my schnozz works out pretty well.
 
That's where I put my flight number because I'm always forgetting where the hell I'm flying to! :)
 
ah that's a good plan...esp when ya'll carry oodles and oodles of fuel in that center tank.

I just take the Center fuel... say...15,000 pounds.... then i dial up 150 on the RA and count down.

The green on the ADI right in front of my schnozz works out pretty well.

My day centers around the center tank low fuel pressure messages and going tank-to-engine when I'm flying relief.

God...I live for that.

5 hours into that flight "Ohh....come on 52....come on....I'm ready..I'm primed"...
 
My day centers around the center tank low fuel pressure messages and going tank-to-engine when I'm flying relief.

God...I live for that.

5 hours into that flight "Ohh....come on 52....come on....I'm ready..I'm primed"...

My day centers around playing solitaire and minesweeper on my.... ummm....
 
My day centers around the center tank low fuel pressure messages and going tank-to-engine when I'm flying relief.

God...I live for that.

5 hours into that flight "Ohh....come on 52....come on....I'm ready..I'm primed"...

Mine's like:

(mentally)

"300 to go.... 200 to go..."

beeeeeengBOONNNNG

"Hey, we've got your meals ready! You guys want soup too and anything else to drink?"

"Oh yeah!"

Meanwhile, center tanks: 0
 
Mine's like:

(mentally)

"300 to go.... 200 to go..."

beeeeeengBOONNNNG

"Hey, we've got your meals ready! You guys want soup too and anything else to drink?"

"Oh yeah!"

Meanwhile, center tanks: 0

"what's that intermittent yellow flashing I see out of the corner of my eye"


What's this i hear about soup?
 
What's this i hear about soup?

Eastbound Thai Coconut went to hell towards the end of the month (OK, it's coconut milk, not cream people!), but I think this month's eastbound is Cream of Mushroom, and West is the purely perfunctory Cream of Cauliflower.
 
Eastbound Thai Coconut went to hell towards the end of the month (OK, it's coconut milk, not cream people!), but I think this month's eastbound is Cream of Mushroom, and West is the purely perfunctory Cream of Cauliflower.

Dang....that's some high living.

I had Qdoba on Saturday going to SJO, so there! ;)
 
Dang....that's some high living.

I had Qdoba on Saturday going to SJO, so there! ;)

I'd rather have Qdoba than half of the stuff we have on the airplane.

You mean you don't eat shrimp with remoulade and jicama slaw before your main course at home? :)
 
I'd rather have Qdoba than half of the stuff we have on the airplane.

You mean you don't eat shrimp with remoulade and jicama slaw before your main course at home? :)

Qdoba is great for me.... and I've figured out the perfect gasper deflection angle so the CA doesn't have to "enjoy" it as well....


and yes, I do. Why? :)
 
Back
Top