Why...

Maximilian_Jenius

Maximilian_Jenius

Super User
Do women go to college get multiple degrees, then give up their careers to be housewives, A housewife???

I don't get it.

My cousin is pregnant with her and her husbands first child, and this is her last week working at her firm,she's a social worker. She has two undergrad degrees in child psychology and social work, and her masters in both.

She was on the fast track at her job to management, and she gives it up! They told her that after maternity leave she could work PT, even from home.

She said no, and gave it all up.

Her husband a partner in a decent size SF law firm does make really good money. They decided (together) that they want 2-3 kids and that he would be the bread winner, and she the housewife.

With her level of education time and money spent in school, her giving it all up to be housewife is a waste IMO. I'm not saying that being a housewife is bad, she could worked in her field and been a mother and had it all. Or geez, at least worked part time.

I've properly donned my flame suit so fire way ladies!
 
Maybe she wants to give her kids the best upbrining possible, and feels that being with them full-time is not giving up anything, rather gaining so much more.

I "gave up" my career too. You know what? Work will still be there later. My kids are more important right now.

Some women go back to work, some take time off to spend with their kids. EITHER is fine! But I hate when people think I've "given up" something or that I'm "wasting" myself being with the kids.
 
Max, your cousin, Amber, and my wife all have something in common. They have "The most important job in the world"

That is raising our children. I don't see it as she gave up anything. She is gaining a family and the role of mother. These are likely to be much more satisfying to her than her career.
 
MQAAord said:
Maybe she wants to give her kids the best upbrining possible, and feels that being with them full-time is not giving up anything, rather gaining so much more.

I "gave up" my career too. You know what? Work will still be there later. My kids are more important right now.

Some women go back to work, some take time off to spend with their kids. EITHER is fine! But I hate when people think I've "given up" something or that I'm "wasting" myself being with the kids.
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Damn...I wanted to beat you to posting.

Let me say this, IMO your situation is different. You can't be a mother of young children and be a flight attendant, more especially when your husband is an airline pilot.

Furthermore you had to leave your other job because of babysitting issues.

So I can totally respect why you're a fulltime housewife.

In her situation she could have worked PT from home, only goin' into the office for meetings. Her husbands family isn't too far from their home, they could watch the kid.

Lastly, they both don't seem to like the idea of daycare, and want the child to be watched, educated at home by my cousin, until grade school age.

They're also talking about her not going back to work when the kids are gradeschool age. So that someone is there when they get out of school, to help them with homework etc. Guess they're not too fond of the whole latch key kid thing.

Okay, but does she have to do that 36 or 54 yrs. depending on how many children she has?

Maybe I can't understand it because I grew up with a mother who had 4 kids. A career and got also got two undergrad degrees, two masters and a PH.d.

She still had the best of both worlds as a teacher (her career) and a mother.
 
desertdog71 said:
Max, your cousin, Amber, and my wife all have something in common. They have "The most important job in the world"

That is raising our children. I don't see it as she gave up anything. She is gaining a family and the role of mother. These are likely to be much more satisfying to her than her career.
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Well, dunno maybe it's because I'ma dude. But a career to me is something uniquely mine not, my spouses or my childrens.An identity so to speak outside of being a father or a husband. Something that you work hard and sacrifice for, if *I* had to give that up to be a stay at home dad...yes to me I'd feel like all I did to educate myself, get that promotion at work and sucess in my career would be all for not.

I'm saying this as me, my opinion as Matthew having to be as stay at home father, not equating it to mothers who leave their jobs to stay at home.
 
Maximillian_Jenius said:
Well, dunno maybe it's because I'ma dude. But a career to me is something uniquely mine not, my spouses or my childrens.An identity so to speak outside of being a father or a husband. Something that you work hard and sacrifice for, if *I* had to give that up to be a stay at home dad...yes to me I'd feel like all I did to educate myself, get that promotion at work and sucess in my career would be all for not.

I'm saying this as me, my opinion as Matthew having to be as stay at home father, not equating it to mothers who leave their jobs to stay at home.
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I can't relate to it either, also probably because I am a guy. This is how my wife feels though, and she feels very fulfilled being a mom and a wife. (at least that is what she says):buck:
 
My girlfriend is doing the same thing. She chose to stay home with the baby and she already has her bachelors degree(at 23) She didn't get to start a career yet (because of our joyful surprise) but now shes talking about staying home for a few years. At first I thought it was crazy for her to be out of work for so long, but my son is getting way better attention than he would at ANY daycare. If you have ever been to one, daycare can be scary. I just hope she starts working again before I finish my training!
 
Not everybody wants the same things out of life, Max. It's not "all about me" right now. I do not want to return to life as a line F/A. I have career expectations, I will someday be a cabin safety inspector for the FAA. But, my careers goals will wait until the kids are older. I don't feel the need to "have it all", because I don't think I would give enough attention to either my work or my kids if I had to divide myself. Some people can, but I do not think I can.
 
Maximillian_Jenius said:
Do women go to college get multiple degrees, then give up their careers to be housewives, A housewife???

I don't get it.

My cousin is pregnant with her and her husbands first child, and this is her last week working at her firm,she's a social worker. She has two undergrad degrees in child psychology and social work, and her masters in both.

She was on the fast track at her job to management, and she gives it up! They told her that after maternity leave she could work PT, even from home.

She said no, and gave it all up.

Her husband a partner in a decent size SF law firm does make really good money. They decided (together) that they want 2-3 kids and that he would be the bread winner, and she the housewife.

With her level of education time and money spent in school, her giving it all up to be housewife is a waste IMO. I'm not saying that being a housewife is bad, she could worked in her field and been a mother and had it all. Or geez, at least worked part time.

I've properly donned my flame suit so fire way ladies!
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Well, who are you, or anyone to say what is a waste. Your opionion is just that, YOUR opinion. Nothing more, nothing less.

You could delete the word 'woman' and place any one in there for that matter. But again, it is your opinion and in the grand scheme it really doesn't matter in regards to someone else's plan.
 
JEP said:
Well, who are you, or anyone to say what is a waste. Your opionion is just that, YOUR opinion. Nothing more, nothing less.

You could delete the word 'woman' and place any one in there for that matter. But again, it is your opinion and in the grand scheme it really doesn't matter in regards to someone else's plan.
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Take a chill pill Jim. My first post was all opinion. I never stated anything as a matter of fact.
 
pedex said:
My girlfriend is doing the same thing. She chose to stay home with the baby and she already has her bachelors degree(at 23) She didn't get to start a career yet (because of our joyful surprise) but now shes talking about staying home for a few years. At first I thought it was crazy for her to be out of work for so long, but my son is getting way better attention than he would at ANY daycare. If you have ever been to one, daycare can be scary. I just hope she starts working again before I finish my training!
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Another thing is that if one takes time off of their career to be a parent, the work force could be totally different when and if they ever go back.

My other cousin just got her MBA from UT Austin. Now she is not looking to get preggers anytime soon, but to use her as an example. If she did give up her marketing career for a time while being a parent. The market place could change, and she'd be competing with younger men and women maybe fresh out of grad school. Employers sometimes seem to somewhat favor the younger fresh mind. In my other cousin Pam's situation she hasn't been working in her field for too long maybe 5 yrs.

I don't envison social work as super competitive as say marketing director. But still maybe to be out of the game for 8-10 years there would definitely be a learning curve, and she just might not fit in to the new think work force.

If I was a women who took time off to be a mother for an extended period of time, that would definitely be a strong concern of mine.

Hope that all made sense, typing fast on a 10 min. break.
 
Maximillian_Jenius said:
Take a chill pill Jim. My first post was all opinion. I never stated anything as a matter of fact.
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....And neither did I.

No Max, not today. I am just responding to your post which you were wise enough to know there would be an unfavorable response.

I know your post was your opinion and that all I was responding to. It is your opinion (which you are entitled to) and in grand scheme, your opinion doesn't matter to someone else's career/life plans.

BTW, aren't you at your new job? Be careful with that JC fix.... ;)
 
Daycare is generally (not always) risky, even long term providers have still been caught selling drugs, putting kids in front of the tv all day, running scams out of their daycare, they shake the babies, the kids get sick a lot more, I could go on and on. And for many people, it's more expensive than it's worth. If you make $500 a week, and daycare is $200 a week, and then you subtract gas, mileage (wear and tear on the car), the office wardrobe you have to keep up, eating out for lunch, and taxes, well that pretty much leaves you with nothing for all that time away from your kids and the risk you put them in.

Why doesn't she do it part time at home? Maybe she doesn't want to!!! Why does it matter so much to you? You didn't pay for her degree. It's smart for a stay-at-home mom to have a degree and work experience, so that should the husband get sick, lose his job, etc. she could go back to work easier if she HAD to. But kids require a LOT. It's not as easy as just put the kids in a corner while you do your part time work at home. You have to keep the kids away from the office stuff and hope they aren't running around screaming while you're on the phone with a client. Sometimes moms don't get a good night sleep, if they were up w/ a sick kid, or had too much to get done, and they don't want the stress of an outside responsibility in addidtion to maintaining the house and children.

The only time I'd be able to work part time at home is when the kids are asleep. Well, during nap time, I get the house picked up and get stuff for dinner started, and during their bedtime, I clean up after dinner and any other new messes, and pay the bills, do the laundry, etc. There really isn't a good time I could work at home, without neglecting regular household chores. And there are still so many things I never get to, like the kids journals and photo albums, making them quilts, decorating the house more, etc. I have enough on my plate, and I'm glad your cousin knows what she wants and I hope she doesn't feel guilty about it or like she owes anyone an explanation for it.

I COULD be making $50K about as an insurance agent still, but I don't WANT to. I don't want my kids in daycare, and I don't want to have a rough night of taking care of kids and then have to get up bright and early to deal with the general public. And I would never expect my family to be my daycare, they are all close by, but they are going through the same things I am, and even the people I trust the most in the family, still wouldn't raise my kids the way I want them to be raised.

I doubt I will ever go back to work unless something happens to my husband's ability to work. While the kids are in school it will be time to catch up on the projects I'm not able to get to now, and be able to put some more time into my own hobbies, and still be able to be here when they get home from school, and I also do a lot of volunteer work and would like to do more. Even once they are grown, and out of the house, I probably won't go back to work. I want to be available for grandkids, do even more volunteer work, and travel with my husband. I don't think any job could bring me the level of satisfaction I'll get from being a stay at home mom. Many look at that as laziness, that's fine. Other than some internet time for adult conversation, I'm never NOT working hard throughout the day, even while pregnant, so I'd invite anyone that sees it as being lazy, to come watch me for a day and see what I do. And then try to tell me that I could squeeze in some time for some part time work at home.
 
To people that don't have kids, working PT from home sounds like a great idea. Those of us with kids know it would be more work than actually going to the office. :) Imagine doing a teleconference from home only have "Mommy, lookee!" come from behind you b/c the kid drew on the wall with crayon while you were out of the room.

Like Michelle said, day cares are totally hit and miss. We got damn lucky with the one we found. Most of the good ones are so expensive, you actually MAKE money by not working. If my wife has a slow week at work, we only break even on day care. If she only works 3 days, we LOSE money. My family is nearby (as in 20 minutes away), but they can't just "watch the kid." My dad has had two stroke, my mom works 3 jobs and my brother is, well, not the most reliable sort. You can't always count on family to help, and sometimes the goodwill of their helping wears thin VERY, VERY quickly.

As soon as we can afford to not have two incomes, Nessa's probably quitting to be a stay at home mom, too.
 
desertdog71 said:
I can't relate to it either, also probably because I am a guy.
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I can't relate to it either. I think it's more person-specific than it is gender-specific.

Max, there are men who stop working to take care of kids, too.

And there are couples all over the place who work part or full time while raising children.

So many choices, all of them being used.
 
I can't relate to not wanting kids. ;) But I don't think you have to relate to something, in order to respect it. :) (Not saying YOU weren't, just in general, ya know.)
 
I respect people who don't want children a whole helluva lot more than people who have kids and treat them like they're an inconvenience -- or worse.
 
i didn't give up on my job...my job gave up on me....

oh, i should make that a song! ;)
 
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