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Naunga I bet your mom would do it all over again too....
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Not to let things get too heavy in here, but I recently had a discussion with my mom, and she indicated that it wasn't really worth it and that she's quite jealous of me and my wife because she already had one kid when she was my wife's age.
I think her exact remark to me was, "You guys get to take nice vacations that your father and I couldn't take until we'd been married 20 years."
She also was the one who said that we should even think about having children until we're at least 35. I agree with her there. I think though she's a bit surprised that we actually took that advice though.
There was a Dear Abby Survey from the '70's that indicated that 76% of the people who responded (she had around 10,000 responses) if given the chance to do it over would not choose to have children.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that people who have children are bad. I'm not one of these nut jobs who thinks that we're overpopulated. I understand their logic, but I think this is just like the hole in the ozone, which after all the fuss scientists realized had always been there we just couldn't see it until technology advanced. I'm just saying that for me (and others) children are not in the cards...ever.
I also see a lot of parents out there sugar coating parenting. Let's face it, if you look at the facts of childcare...
- Late nights up with a child that won't go to sleep.
- Waiting in hospital ER's because you child is deathly ill.
- Late night up waiting for a child that's out later than planned.
- Increased medical bills
- The pain of labor.
- Having to forgo things that you like to do for you kids.
- Less disposible income.
- Changing poopy diapers (I changed my brother's diaper enough times to last me a lifetime)
It doesn't look like a lot of fun. Of course I skipped that positive things like...
- Birthday parties
- First steps, words, girl friends, boy friends, day of school.
- Family vacations.
- Marriages
- Grandbabies
Just a side note, I simply can name those things as positive based on what other people have told me. Personally none of that sounds fun to me. (Oh, I should have mentioned that try as she might I never enjoyed birthday parties that my mother threw for me and did my best to ruin any that she planned. I was a terror. I have been told that I have a unique ability to make people around me miserable and know how to use it. To this day I absolutely HATE my birthday, don't ask me why. I just do.).
I like talking to my one friend who shortly after he had his kid said, he couldn't believe how much work they are. He also said that he didn't feel for the kid like he thought he would. It's simply another person to him. Nothing special, but he did love her. That's the truth of kids. He doesn't sugar coat by saying things like, "Oh your heart just melts when you look at them" and "Oh kids are soo great and happy all the time". He tells me he'd do anything for his daughter, but she's a complete pain in the ass most days, and that he can't wait until she's out of the house (she's two by the way). He also tells me she'd better get good grades because he's not paying for her to go to school. He's a little brutal and intense if you can't tell.
Kids aren't magical, special, beings that drift down from heaven on a fluffy white cloud. They arrive through their mother's birth canal in a very painful and traumatic manner. They disrupt your life and your marriage. It's been shown in study after study that while marriage makes you happier children don't, and sometimes actually hurt a marriage. I suspect this happens because the parents have unreasonable expectations of how great kids are. Every person I've met who has kids (esspecially new ones) has said, "I had no idea how hard this was going to be". Kids aren't like kittens who are cute and cuddley, cheerfully eat what they're given, are potty trained within a couple of days, can be left alone in the house, never ask for money, can entertain themselves, never look at you and inspite of all you've done for them say right to your face "I hate you!" and mean it, never say "you're the worst (mom - dad) ever!", don't need riden about getting homework done, and in the end if you don't like them or they just plain piss you off you can sell them, give them away, or if you have no conscience simply leave them on the street. Without worrying about child protective services coming to your house.
Now you'd think by reading this that I hate children. That's not true. I like kids. Kids that are over the age of 3 in small doses and that I don't own. I had a blast teaching boating at Scout Camp in high school, but it never once made me want to have children. In fact, and I hear this from friends I have who are teachers, spending a lot of time around kids is the best birth control out there. Kids can be cruel, they're nothing but little egos, and some kids have been taught that they are the center of the universe. Try telling one of those youngin''s that no they don't get their merit badge, because they never showed up to class. I always enjoyed playing with my little cousins, but when they became pains, cried, and wanted something it wasn't me they complained to, and I could always give them back to mom and dad.
Anyhow, to Ready2Fly and TheWife's point...I'm bored and grouchy. /ubbthreads/images/graemlins/grin.gif
Later.
Naunga
