What NOT to eat before flying?

A peanut jar shaped similarly to a Gatorade bottle, filled to the brim in turbulence, in a 172, 30 miles out from the airport, and you're not the only person in the plane... Gotta do what you gotta do...
 
A 2.5 hour flight to a Fly-In lunch with some friends east of PHX. Didn't have time for breakfast so I picked up a box of breakfast bars and a bottle of water from the AM/PM market. The bars were kind of good and I ate 4 of the 5 bars in the box.

I thought Fiber One was just a name.

Let's just say I had a strong tail wind both ways.
 
Do NOT have milk and strawberry PopTarts before flying in a 172 on a hot windy, day....just sayin......:aghast:
 
I've found Cliff bars and water are great for my 8 hour survey days. Stops me up but gets me through lunch time with no hunger, but no worries of ruining the seat. @jskibo can tell you a story about one of the worst moments of my life over the South Bend VOR in IMC / turbulence and the effects of a bad chicken salad sandwich from St. Louis. "Cleared Direct" has never sounded so beautiful.
 
milleR said:
Wide mouth bottles FTW. That should be in the PPL curriculum.
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Sounds like an episode of that "weird things ER docs have seen."

"He said he was a pilot, and just had to go really bad. Next thing you know, he was stuck in the bottle."
 
It was a fine spring day and I was in command of the Beech 1900 airliners going from ALB to LGA. It was around a 10AMish departure so even though the weather was a little cloudy and rainy, I wasn't expecting any flow or holding due to the off timing of the traffic. I was flying with a brand new female First Officer on one of her first trips off IOE.

I took my customary pre departure pee as the Mighty Fine Beech 1900 Airliner has no pisser. We blast off on time towards LGA and flew our assigned route which is basically the NOBBI 5 Arrival. I was flying, the freshly minted FO working the radios. We made good time, but, despite the weather being 'not that bad' and the reduced traffic flow into LGA at that time, we were given holding over the CMK VOR with an EFC of about 45 minutes from when we entered the hold.

We made a few turns in the hold and then trouble from my bladder. I had to piss my morning coffee out and I had to piss my morning coffee out BADLY. Besides the fact I had to piss my morning coffee out BADLY, there were a few other problems...

-I had a water bottle BUT it was full

-I was flying with a female First Officer

-We had a fuller flight with a lot of kids on board so I couldn't sneak behind a few of them to piss

-Contorting myself in the Beech 1900 Captains seat wasn't a good idea.

What to do.......

I announced to the female First Officer my problem. She 'got it' and used to be a Flight Attendant for a major airline and was super cool about the fact that. She comforted me with saying, 'Don't worry Mark, I have seen a weiner before, if you need to pee up here go ahead, I will look away'.

I appreciated her fantastic CRM but I had two other problems (full water bottle and me contorting myself) which I quickly explained.

I then thought of something else. I asked her to fly, while I took over the radios....

Me: "New York Approach Colgan 1234"

New York Approach: "Go ahead Colgan 1234"

Me: "Not sure if you have had the pleasure of riding on the Mighty Beech 1900 Airliner, but we have no Flight Attendant or Bathroom. We have a lot of kids on board today and it appears they need to use the bathroom. Any chance we get a much shorter EFC as the last thing I want to do today is clean up any accidents."

...after a few seconds but what seemed like 5 minutes...

New York Approach: "Colgan 1234 cleared to LGA via fly heading of 250, cleared for the ILS 22"

We hauled ass, I (thankfully) got a quick taxi in, shut down both engines, and sprinted inside to relieve my bladder. I walked back out and we did the parking checklist then.

Not as good as the Great Lakes incident report, but that did happen to me.
 
ozziecat35 said:
I've found Cliff bars and water are great for my 8 hour survey days. Stops me up but gets me through lunch time with no hunger, but no worries of ruining the seat. @jskibo can tell you a story about one of the worst moments of my life over the South Bend VOR in IMC / turbulence and the effects of a bad chicken salad sandwich from St. Louis. "Cleared Direct" has never sounded so beautiful.
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Be careful about Clif bars - they've got a lot of sugar.

When the wife was assigned to Baghdad, one of her co-workers lived on a fairly steady diet of those things and developed diabetes as a result. I realize that's an extreme case, but I check the sugar content now on everything I eat.
 
killbilly said:
Be careful about Clif bars - they've got a lot of sugar.

When the wife was assigned to Baghdad, one of her co-workers lived on a fairly steady diet of those things and developed diabetes as a result. I realize that's an extreme case, but I check the sugar content now on everything I eat.
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Good to know, thanks! (I usually only eat them while flying or on deployment for work.)
 
I have determined one thread in most of my recent bathroom related stories from captains.. Every story started with "so the night before we went to the raw oyster bar....yada yada yada....I sh@t my pants."
 
Lee D said:
I hear the Chinese food from the restaurant above the terminal in Redding California sometimes gave our pilots afterburner emergencies. It never bothered me however.
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That place is deadly. Unless you've been Kefir-loading for several weeks, don't touch that.
 
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