I don’t talk about it much anymore. Often it’s best to just let the past lie where it fell.
Still, having worked closely with a couple handfuls of cops from Newtown to Cold Spring, I only spent time with three who ever had the need to draw and fire their service weapon.
Two killed men and it cost them both deeply … changed them at a foundational level that touched every area of their lives. Both ended up divorced. Neither had children at the time. One found other work; the second remained in law enforcement but in a different department (by his choice).
Every cop I’ve ever known - had a drink with, or dinner, invited me to their home - was prepared to use their service weapon but grateful they hadn’t needed to pull the trigger, excepting three. And every one of them wishes to this day they weren’t in the place years ago that made the memories they still carry today.
John and Ponce in that old show reflected a different world but were still not bad models of patrol officers, however idealized for television.
For the record, I was well-trained as a critical incident peer counselor in a time when that was a “new” thing. That worked well with the counseling training and experience I had gained in college/grad school and local church ministry.
Mostly fire and EMS, then local police began to attend debriefings after tough calls. My work at 911 opened some other doors. There are still eight or ten of us from different agencies who meet together for breakfast every so often, a more rare phone call to stay in touch. Couple emergency service dispatchers, fire and EMS members, join us, too.
If I might take a mulligan, I’m not sure I’d do the same thing again. Sure as hell made a difference but crushed me. That’s OK now that I’m out of the game, mostly. My soul for twenty or a few more that still carry • but found peace of some sort over the years. I know - it sounds over dramatic and corny. True story, though.
I’m tired now but it mattered then, I guess.
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