To all CFI's: Stupidest student questions.

Not my student or even my story or even a dumb question but the funniest thing I ever heard, but we were drinking at the time so who knows.

The CFI in question was going to take another instructors student on a cross country. I don't thing he had ever flown with him but had not done any of the ground training with the student. The flight was to be from SLC to Jackson Hole, which is pretty much due North. Before the flight the CFI asked to review the flight plan.

The student describes the route. Take off and fly to the west, describing all the waypoints and crossings heading that way. The instructor thinks okay maybe he wants to exit class Bravo before finding his own route North. Then the student continues to describe all the waypoints along the way as he continues to fly further west. At this point the instructor just sits there watching the description wondering where this is going. The student gets to the far left side of the map, flips it over to show a straight short line going direct to Jackson, which is on the back side of the map. He had determined this was the shortest route possible.
 
I had a student call me during his preflight to let me know "The vertical stabilizer is hanging on by a thread." I paused.....and said "well put it back on. I'll be out there in 10 minutes."

haha
 
After a lesson I had this conversation:
Me: Let's head back to the airport, what direction do we need to go?
Student: umm..
Me: We are in an eastern practice area...
Student: Fly west?
Me: Ok, let's fly west
Student: Which direction is west? (It's right about sunset now)
Me: Well, look at the sun setting, what does that tell us?
Student: Nothing, the sun sets to the north...
Me: (Crying on the inside)
 
ryan1234 said:
You don't need to constantly be turning the VOR to know where you are in relation the the VOR. Back when I did my instrument checkride my DPE (who was an old mil instructor) showed me how to think through things like that.

Basically if the profile is to intercept the VOR, fly outbound on the 180 radial, fly a 10nm DME arc to intercept the 090 radial inbound... All you would really have to do is make sure you were on the 180 radial outbound, turn left 90 degrees prior to and maintain 10 DME, keep turning a little more left when you get 10.1, not exceed 9.9. Set the VOR to intercept the 090 inbound. Done. IMHO, that method helps to build better SA over all.
Click to expand...

Same here. I can fly a better arc with dme only than by turning the knob 10° at a time.

Sent via teletype
 
I told a student to do a power off stall and he reached for the ignition key and said "turn this off?" At least he had the courtesy to ask first.
 
Not a CFI thing but stil funny as hell. My girlfriend and I are driving to the airport to drop off one of my friends so be can commute home. During that time, my friend is telling me how he has a stand up on his next trip. Then hilarity ensues....

Friend: yeah man I have a stand up on this trip.
Me: that sounds like a fun way to do things....

My girlfriend: what's a stand up?
Me: it's when the airline puts you on an airplane that is so full that you only have room to stand up in the back and you have to do that for like three or four flights all day long.

My friend: yeah it really sucks (trying not to laugh)
My girlfriend: oh man that is horrible, I could never stand up that long. My legs would start to hurt.

Me: (with a look of utter shock) WOW!!!!
The friend and I messed with her the whole rest of the ride.
 
30+ hour PVT student: "Pre-flight looks good.......... But I'm a little concerned because I couldn't move the "flaps" (he meant ailerons) or the "tail" (he meant stabilator)". I look in the cockpit and remove the control lock. Problem solved.
 
Every now and then on an intro flight I will neglect to mention that the "pedals" steer us on the ground. I'll just let the student start trying to steer with the yoke and be like, " uht ohhh, it's broken." And then save the day. :) Hey, I gotta entertain myself somehow.
 
Unfortunately, I can't seem to remember any of the funny ones I've gotten over the years, but over heard this one not too long ago...

Instructor: You are still 0.2 short on simulated instrument time, so we need to do one more flight before your end of course.
Student: Well I don't want to pay for it. Can I just go up solo and do it?
Instructor: No, you need to have someone up with you to make sure you don't hit anything up there.
Student: Oh yeah...so I can just go start it up, sit in the plane under the foggles, with the parking break on for the 0.2? Then I don't have to go on a flight, and you don't need to be there.

I didn't hear the rest because I was running out the door trying not to explode with laughter.

This was the same student I overheard multiple times asking about how low they could legally fly over certain residential areas, dropping objects from airplanes, and needed to be done before Christmas so he could make his "Christmas Miracle" (whatever that involved) come true. Also tried to get the instructor to still fly on a day with 1 1/2SM visibility BR, by getting a Special VFR clearance, and using the instructor's IR to get back in (in a non IFR equipped aircraft, not authorized for flight in known icing conditions).
 
On an IFR cross country back to our home airport for the evening. With a good tailwind doing 125 knots ground speed, and we're 40 nm out. Dead silence in the cockpit. In less than 20 minutes we'll be starting an approach...

Me: Soooo what could we be doing right now?
Student: We can knock out some of the oral stuff.
Me: Umm... No. What else could we do?
Student: I don't know, I figured we could just get some of the oral knocked out now.
Me: *Screaming in my head..... get set up for the approach and brief it!!* "So there's nothing else we need to do between here and the airport?"
Student: :oops: Oh yeah...
 
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