Here it goes...
While I was working on my IR, I hit a few plateaus. First one was holding pattern entries, two lessons were nothing but holding patterns and learning how to enter a holding pattern after my CFI would give me the instruction, I messed up pretty much everyone. So what I did was sit myself down in the PCATD, and had someone give me holding pattern instructions while I was still flying. This took about 9-10 hours of PCATD time. Especially NDB holds, which were a requirement in my flight training syllabus.
Then when it came time for my stage check during the approach phase, I found out I was flying with the Assistant Chief Pilot. I wanted to make a good impression as I knew I would want to instruct for this school at a later date. The weather was typical of a late fall Northwest day, the instructor asked me if I was comfortable proceeding with the stage check knowing we would be encountering IMC. I said that I was fine with it as I have had a few hours actual prior to that point, plus the whole point of the IR was to fly in clouds right?? The flight started out fine, departed IFR and shot a VOR-A into a local airport. After the missed, things got hairy. I was not the greatest with the GX50, an older GPS unit that was not very user friendly in my opinion. Portland approach asked us what our next intentions were, I told them I was going to hold as published on the missed then would like the ILS into Hillsboro. At this point the CFI said there was no need to do the hold, so we told ATC we were ready for vectors for the ILS. The ILS had a DME arc, this arc was off of a VOR. I was having a hard time with the arc, then it came time to intercept the LOC. At which point I did not switch the frequency as needed, we continued on the arc while I was stumbling around trying to brief the approach. As we were about to blow through the LOC, my CFI took controls since we were in IMC. He then swapped freqs and intercepted the course having to correct for my deviation. He let me know right then and there that I failed the stage check and would need to "re-train on precision approaches". This had me feeling low, very low. I had made a fool out of myself in front of someone who would potentially be interviewing me later on. I again sat in the PCATD and practiced for hours on end, until I could shoot that approach and nail it every time. After another flight with my regular CFI, it was time to give it another crack. It went better that time around and I passed.
Next was my IFR checkride, I had studied like a mad man for days in preparation for the exam. I felt as if I knew my stuff as well as I should and that I would be fine. About two hours later, after feeling like a shotgun blast of questions were answered some what correctly, my DPE looked at me and asked me how I felt I was doing. I said that I was feeling okay, besides a few areas that I obviously needed some more work on. At that point I knew I had failed the oral, however, her response was... Yeah, you are making it really hard for me to pass you. I have noticed this trend with students lately, what kind of ground are you getting in this program? Going through the two year degree at the school I was in, ground was all online and self paced. Only a few hours were spent with my CFI covering the PTS as far as ground questions and scenarios. She ended up passing me but told me that I was very borderline. That sank in and messed with my confidence, not to mention the flight was canceled due to freezing levels. So a week or so went by to let my embarrassing performance ferment in my mind. I ended up passing the flight portion, but still questioned my knowledge on certain areas.
All in all there were many times in my training where I told myself, this is not for me. It is how you react to that feeling of doubt that will define you as a student pilot. If we naturally already knew everything, then what would be the point of training? Throughout my training, the failures really were the big learning experiences. They not only humbled me as a pilot, but motivated me to study that much harder and to overcome that feeling of failure. Towards the end of my commercial training, I had an incident that really hit me hard. I actually started to feel depressed, that I would never recover from this incident. I wanted to hang my hat up, and walk away from aviation all together. Then that voice inside me, along with the support of my mentors and friends pushed me through. A few months later I had that ticket in my hand, that ticket that says you can now fly for compensation or hire. That honestly was the best day I have had in my flight training so far, even better than my first solo.
Dang Dong that was long....
