Student Crush?

barnstormer09

barnstormer09

New Member
:hiya:I have an odd, albeit not so odd question.
I started instructing at a 141 school a couple of months ago. Things have been going really well and I enjoy being in the right seat. I've got a handful of students, all male; one of which is a private pilot student who has a bit of a crush on me. He has tried asking me out several times, and I've always declined as politely and professionally as I can. The other day on a night cross country he crossed the line and it made me uncomfortable.

I know this sort of thing happens and I don't want to make it into a big deal or alienate myself from my students or my fellow instructors.

It is a bit of an awkward situation, and I'm concerned primarily with my students ability to learn in this situation. He has been a pretty marginal student, and I would hate to think that I am actually distracting him from learning.

I don't think I am doing anything to encourage his actions... everyone I have mentioned this situation to laughs about it, because I'm not girly, I'm not flirty, and I take my job pretty seriously.

Any thoughts?
 
barnstormer09 said:
Any thoughts?
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Some guys will take your rejection merely as playing hard-to-get, motivating them to become more persistent. Sometimes that works, so it's not completely pig-headed.

The solution is easy. Tell him if he makes further advances you will pass him off to another instructor.
 
Tell him to unbuckle his seatbelt and open his door. Then put the airplane into a steep turn to the left........he'll get the idea.
 
Find a really ugly and rather large Female CFI and have her teach him.... Its not worth your time or money for somebody to do that when your flying.
 
tgrayson said:
Some guys will take your rejection merely as playing hard-to-get, motivating them to become more persistent. Sometimes that works, so it's not completely pig-headed.

The solution is easy. Tell him if he makes further advances you will pass him off to another instructor.
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:yeahthat:

I might be inclined to pass him off anyway. . .just because he is a marginal student and you already know he could possibly well be distracted.

As you said, he already crossed YOUR line; I'm not going to give anyone an opportunity to make a second mistake.
 
Go to the Chief CFI, explain the situation and ask that he be put with another instructor. His advances are in no bodies best interest. Good Luck
 
EnRoute said:
Go to the Chief CFI, explain the situation and ask that he be put with another instructor. His advances are in nobody's best interest. Good Luck
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:yeahthat:

That's he's a marginal student is irrelevant. It's an awkward situation, but it's important to take control of it. As a CFI, in particular, it's an obligation. Whether or not he's distracted by your presence in the cabin is unimportant and, importantly, outside of your control. In matters you can control, you already have enough division-of-attention between teaching, supervising, watching for traffic and your myriad other duties as an instructor. If an environment has been created in which you're significantly preoccupied with deflecting his unwelcome advances, it is unsafe.

It is not in any way your fault. You are simply the person with responsibility and authority to resolve the situation. Do so. Given you're at a 141 school, it's not as though he'll be left out in the cold with no instructor.

The other thing here is that anything which elevates to the level of harassment is a very big deal. It's royal pain for the employer and harassee, and a potential nightmare for the harasser. You'll be doing everyone involved a favor if you nip things before paperwork becomes necessary. (And, on a CYA level, you'll be in better shape haven previously discussed the matter with your Chief if something does happen down-the-line.)
 
A) Not safe.

B) Obviously your totally not receptive to these advances but for the record I'm gonna say never crap where you eat.....I dated a girl I worked with once and when we broke up, going to work sucked that much more.

C) This individual is wasting their money. It seems he is a tad more focused on you rather than learning to fly an airplane.
 
I think it is a safety issue. If you are flying along distracted because your student is hitting on you or worse, making you uncomfortable...then how can you be PIC? What if the engine quits and you are not on your game because Opie is feeling you up? What if, in your efforts to fend of this guy, you fail to notice the oil pressure dropping or something similiar?

I would talk to the Chief Flight Instuctor and have the guy reassigned.

Or, you could get some large male friends to beat the #### of him.

Either option is good, your call.
 
I agree with the telling the Chief thingy. If you play out the worst case scenerio where the student turns the tables and says you did something, then you are having to defend yourself and your actions. You don't want that.

I assume at the 141 school you're teaching some younger chaps who haven't learned the difference between professional student teacher relationship. If you were not so pretty and good personality, I assume the advances might not occur. But that in and of itself is not the issue. The issue is that a student is crossing the professional line.

I had a hot college professor. I admit, id've hit that :D but as you can see from the example, completely inappropriate. The students hormones need to take a chill pill.

You are doing the right thing by removing yourself from the situation before it turns bad. But overall, the chief needs to know and you need to have another instructor teach the student
 
Haha, very good suggestions so far. If nothing else they made me laugh! The steep turns is my favorite -- the thought has definitely crossed my mind. (and he could use a lesson in both!)

I never knew that badgering somebody until they give in is a legitimate dating strategy? I just thought the kid was socially retarded. :confused:

And I can't pass him off to an ugly flight instructor... as far as girls go, I'm pretty much it.

I could tell him I'm a dude, but there are a couple of things he's bound to have noticed... perhaps in lieu of wearing the traditional khaki/polo ensamble I could wear a beekeeper's uniform or a burka for the next flight??

In all seriousness, I did mention the student's creepiness in passing to the chief instructor about a month ago. He asked me if I was concerned about it (no), and we moved onto the next subject. I mentioned it again today and he asked me to submit a document with dates of "incidents" and citing that he and I discussed it. He wasn't sure on the CFI Code of Conduct (instructor/student), so I'm going to ask the Assistant Chief when I see him tomorrow.

And SeatClutcher, to answer your question, the student was touching my leg (and not in the "oh I biffed the flap lever in turbulence" way). I told him it was inappropriate and if he tried anything like that again I would write him up and he could explain to the chief flight instructor why he can't act like a civilized adult. Granted, this is a pretty empty threat, seeing as we don't use "write-ups", let alone have a policy on what to do in this situation, however the student does not know that, and it seemed to work because he let up. However, he and I have another flight tonight, so we'll see.
 
barnstormer09 said:
And SeatClutcher, to answer your question, the student was touching my leg (and not in the "oh I biffed the flap lever in turbulence" way). I told him it was inappropriate and if he tried anything like that again I would write him up and he could explain to the chief flight instructor why he can't act like a civilized adult. Granted, this is a pretty empty threat, seeing as we don't use "write-ups", let alone have a policy on what to do in this situation, however the student does not know that, and it seemed to work because he let up. However, he and I have another flight tonight, so we'll see.
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If the guy actually did get the hint and completely backs off, I don't see anything wrong with continuing to fly with him, assuming you're alright with the situation.

However, if he flirts with you again in any way, politely talk to him after the flight and tell him you think it would be better for both of you if he flew with a different instructor. He'd probably learn faster and you wouldn't have to worry about any awkwardness. You both win.
 
I had a similar situation happen with a girl in my ground school class. I barely knew her but she started sending me letters and photos of her as a little girl, said she loved me, etc. It was scary. I told her I had a girlfriend and wasn't interested, but the letters kept coming. I finally just ignored the letters and never spoke with her again. I think the best thing to do with people like that is to cut off all contact. I would suggest having this student switch to a different instructor.
 
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