Sometimes you need to ‘press pause’

[derg]

This isn’t a post where I’m looking for sympathy or find myself face-down in a bowl of red wine blowing bubbles but a quick reminder about how fast life goes.

I literally just thought about this guy a few weeks ago and was wondering if he was still around or retired, and I got the email about his death today, but he had died last month.

Fantastic person, funny, brash at times and other times you’d talk about existentialism and have a great time with him on the layover. Just kind of a barrel-chested Cajun that you’d never flew F-15’s and had an engineering degree because, as he said, “That was 20 years and 20 pounds ago”. He’d often buddy-bid with his flight attendant wife. I’ve flown with them a bunch back on the 767 and they were great on layovers. I remember drinking some Rioja in Spain with them and one of the new hire flight attendants said “Do they take dollars here? My instructor said that the pilots would normally pay for everything so I didn’t bring any money”. Jay looked at his wife, his wife said “Let me walk to you to an ATM machine” and the way it all went down was one of the most hilarious things I’d seen in years.

So when they broke up and got divorced, he even made that into a morbidly funny situation… “I just bought her new teeth, a boob job, then she left me, goldangit!”

I knew and liked them both, independently, so I just stayed out of “it” when it all started going south.

Keep in touch with people, life goes quick especially as you roll into your 50’s. I’m guilty of not being good at keeping in touch because I don’t have a sense of time, but don’t make my same mistakes. Remember, the last time you laugh really hard with a friend, it might be the last time, so savor! Take the chance to just stop and just look at your friends for a few moments after saying goodbye because that might be it.

DL Capt. Jay Escude

~ IN MEMORY ~ USAF veteran, DL Capt. Jay Escude June 5, 1959 ~ September 24, 2026 Jay joined Delta Air Lines 06-25-1990. He is...

pcnflightwest.blogspot.com

 

[Pilot Fighter]

This isn’t a post where I’m looking for sympathy or find myself face-down in a bowl of red wine blowing bubbles but a quick reminder about how fast life goes.

I literally just thought about this guy a few weeks ago and was wondering if he was still around or retired, and I got the email about his death today, but he had died last month.

Fantastic person, funny, brash at times and other times you’d talk about existentialism and have a great time with him on the layover. Just kind of a barrel-chested Cajun that you’d never flew F-15’s and had an engineering degree because, as he said, “That was 20 years and 20 pounds ago”. He’d often buddy-bid with his flight attendant wife. I’ve flown with them a bunch back on the 767 and they were great on layovers. I remember drinking some Rioja in Spain with them and one of the new hire flight attendants said “Do they take dollars here? My instructor said that the pilots would normally pay for everything so I didn’t bring any money”. Jay looked at his wife, his wife said “Let me walk to you to an ATM machine” and the way it all went down was one of the most hilarious things I’d seen in years.

So when they broke up and got divorced, he even made that into a morbidly funny situation… “I just bought her new teeth, a boob job, then she left me, goldangit!”

I knew and liked them both, independently, so I just stayed out of “it” when it all started going south.

Keep in touch with people, life goes quick especially as you roll into your 50’s. I’m guilty of not being good at keeping in touch because I don’t have a sense of time, but don’t make my same mistakes. Remember, the last time you laugh really hard with a friend, it might be the last time, so savor! Take the chance to just stop and just look at your friends for a few moments after saying goodbye because that might be it.

DL Capt. Jay Escude

~ IN MEMORY ~ USAF veteran, DL Capt. Jay Escude June 5, 1959 ~ September 24, 2026 Jay joined Delta Air Lines 06-25-1990. He is...

pcnflightwest.blogspot.com

Interesting reference to sense of time.

Sometimes, I think it’s been a year since I’ve seen my sister when it’s been more than two.

Sometimes, I think that it’s been a couple of years since I’ve seen a good friend and I’m surprised that’s it’s been five years or more.

Part of it is sense of time but I think the shocking thing is that a couple years for folks in their 50’s ans 60’s can be all of the time. A painful divorce, a cancer diagnosis, a stretch of depression and its frequent companion.

I’m blessed that I have pretty good genetics, surfing that Type II borderline but otherwise in good heath. Good chance I’ll carry on bit too long.

The last few years, so many friends and peers have been freed from this mortal coil without ample warning.

I’m thankful that my Naval Officer dad and hippie-chick mom normalized “I love you” in daily interactions. It makes unexpected departures a little easier.

 

[trafficinsight]

When I was in high school not a lot went great for me, I got good grades but was deeply unhappy, going through things I hated, moved around a lot and pretty much left alone by my family who were going through their own struggles, but one thing that really brought me a certain amount of joy was music. I was in the high school band and that was fine, I really loved Jazz band.

Shortly after we had moved there we went down to a local pizza place on a monday night to find a band setting up. It turned out to be a jazz band, so we stayed to watch. During an intermission I asked one of the members about it and he told me that those monday nights were their rehearsal nights and the pizza place allowed them to rehearse there and gave them some pizza.

I started going down there every monday night to listen and eventually they noticed and after that I started setting up chairs and stands for them and eventually one night the band leader called and asked if I had my horn with me and I said yes I had brought it home that day and he said "bring it, we're short a tenor sax tonight."

So I started sitting in on rehearsals when they needed someone. I never actually performed with them, but it didnt matter to me and honestly I was never even close to the level they were at, but it was incredible. I sat next to people who had played in those bands you had heard of back in the day, and people youve never heard of but they tore the roof off anyway.

The band leader, Gabe, was a doctor by trade, but played trumpet and was a writer and arranger. The band, for him, was a labor of love. Every week he showed up with 40 music stands and folding chairs and three suitcases full of folders stuffed fat with sheet music. Chairs got set up, stands arranged and we would all sit down and he would call out a number. "43!" And we would find 43 in the folder and he would count it off and we would play.

And thats how it was for several years. I lived for those nights. But I graduated and left for college... honestly I cant even remember if I said goodbye. I was like that in those days. I figured I didn't matter much.

In college i joined a couple of the school ensembles but really couldnt hack it in the competitive nature of the music department as a non music major. Got yelled at during a rehearsal, lost any confidence I may have had.... and quit. in hindsight I really should have found a place where the stakes werent quite so high, but I didnt. I didnt play for 20 years.

During covid i was bored and bought a ukulele and started playing it and i remembered how much i loved music.... so I bought a tenor saxophone and found a music teacher and now I once again live for those nights, and if i could get back to a nice little community band I think I would be very happy. I've got a lead on one right now.

Anyway, one day I decided to look up Gabe and maybe thank him.

He had passed away about a year before that. Cancer. I called my mom in tears. She understood. She also reminded me that I had more of an effect on them than I knew. They started having nights where they invited students down to jam a few times a year. She was right, I had forgotten that.

Thanks Gabe, wherever you are.

 

[🦈💜]

On that note—
If you know a friend is struggling, reaching out could save their life. Don't just assume that depression -> suicide is the only path! Social isolation can lead to depression, low sense of self-worth, and that can lead to a terminal lack of self care.

And right now, there are a LOT of people struggling. Even those who are "high functioning."

Don't wait for someone to die before you check in.

 

[Pilot Fighter]

On that note—
If you know a friend is struggling, reaching out could save their life. Don't just assume that depression -> suicide is the only path! Social isolation can lead to depression, low sense of self-worth, and that can lead to a terminal lack of self care.

And right now, there are a LOT of people struggling. Even those who are "high functioning."

Don't wait for someone to die before you check in.

It’s important to note that many suicides are cases of episodic or sudden sadness or grief versus history of depression.

So, when peers face a sudden crisis, immediate words or actions matter.