I appreciate you making this post.
I've been in a very dark place all day.... tried calling a few friends and no answer or return call. I did manage to connect with a few people I didn't expect to. It was helpful.
I was innocently enough trying to get some information from my electronic military records for a job offer... I somehow ended up on the DEERs system where I saw that I still had my ex listed as my spouse... I figured - "I better fix that" - especially since I am most of the way through reenlisting with the Air National Guard as well as the job offer... Since I never got a copy of the divorce I thought well maybe she is done hating me enough to give me a copy. So I highlighted and copied her new email address that was listed in DEERs and I didn't really look at it at first. I saw that is was different but since I had happened upon it upon circumstance I didn't really think much about it other than I presumed she shortened her name and assumed her Mom's maiden name shortened... upon pasting it into my email her new picture popped up and... well... the shortened name was her new boy toy....
The back story to this is when we started having problems she became close with another person at work who was also having marital problems. She was an ART in my Reserve squadron and so was he. Well as it turns out, big surprise, the Cap'n that was having marital problems and counseling her on her marital problems is now her new beau....
Now, our divorce is couple years in the past now.... I should be well over it, I wish I was..... I'm not..... even before I found this accidentally out. I loved her madly deeply and sincerely from the heart. I was actually kind of ok with the fact that we didn't work out if it meant her being happy. I was never really ok with it though as there was no logical reason we couldn't have worked things out.... but now I see, or at least my perception is that we didn't work out because she didn't put a sincere effort into it because she already had her "dick in a glass break in emergency on the shelf" waiting for her. I'll never know if what I just last said is true or not because I would have to hear that from her but logic would dictate...
Anyhow, yea... feeling super down.... I couldn't honestly say I why I can't move past my ex other than my love was sincere and true. It shouldn't bother me that she moved on with her life other than who it was she moved on with I guess... I think that is fairly reasonable anyhow. I mean it would totally be different if she moved on and just met someone somewhere as I hope to do myself... but she moved on with the f#$%^g scumbag that was supposedly helping her through our difficulties ? I mean I can't be alone in thinking that is totally EFFED up can I !?!?!?!?!
So yea, again thanks for putting this out there. I can totally use an ear and a shoulder to lean on. I know no one really has the answers I need but me but it does help to know that someone cares. I should totally be over my ex but I'm not... I should totally not dwell in dark places but I am...
